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joke time
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 (December 21, 2017 at 7:56 pm)Haipule Wrote:(December 21, 2017 at 7:25 pm)Brian37 Wrote: Oh fuck off, Trump's dick is longer than the sun to Uranus, DONT DENY IT.With the new reflecting telescopes, you really can see Uranus with just two hands and a mirror! As much as I love science, I have no desire to look at my own rear end.  (December 21, 2017 at 7:25 pm)Brian37 Wrote:I don't deny it! Trump says it was a hard landing but, I thought it went pretty smooth however, I could be full of shit!(December 21, 2017 at 7:19 pm)Haipule Wrote: I've told you a MILLION TIMES, "DON'T EXAGGERATE!"
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9 I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice! When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big! I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit. 
I went to Bunnings and I was in a philosophical mood so I felt like quoting Archimedes so I asked the checkout chick that I need a level long enough to move the earth!
She said the shovels are in isle 7 
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Homosexuals are not born that way....they just got sucked into it.
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9 I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice! When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big! I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit. 
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.' 'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end? 'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees. 'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?' She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
I'm sooo smart!!! I don't even need Google! My wife knows everything!
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9 I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice! When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big! I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit.  (December 24, 2017 at 8:52 pm)Haipule Wrote: I'm sooo smart!!! I don't even need Google! My wife knows everything! 
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
Bob and Emily had been married for 20 years. As usual Uncle Joe had come to visit over Thanksgiving and had not left by Christmas Day. Like many previous holidays he was eating them out of house and home. He had drank all of Bob's good scotch. On Christmas Day Bob was looking forward to a few Guinness Stouts. Uncle Joe was drinking the last one. Bob finally had enough. He pulled Emily aside and said "He has to go, I love your Uncle, but he has to go home!" Emily replied: "My uncle? I thought he was your uncle!"
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
If we wrote on our checks the real year, it wouldn't be 2017, you'd have to add a shitload of zeros.
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then
sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking? ''Just water,' says the priest. The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine? 'The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!' |
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