joke time

[Brian37]

If an orange baboon farts in the woods, and nobody is around to smell it, does it still stink? Boy would that be nice.

[Cecelia]

Why does Karl Marx hate Earl Gray?

Because all Property is theft.

[vulcanlogician]

Don't get it.

Not funny once you 'splain it, but he felt it was more worthwhile to golf than to attend his wife's funeral.

[vulcanlogician]

Why does Karl Marx hate Earl Gray?

Because all Property is theft.

I think you meant "all proper tea is theft"... it doesn't really work when you spell it the other way.

[Minimalist]

A golfer returns from a day at the links with a disgusted look on his face.

"What's wrong," queried his wife.

"A terrible day.  Charlie had a heart attack on the first hole and died."

"Oh, no... that's just awful!" she exclaimed.

"You bet.  All day long it was 'Hit the ball....drag Charlie.  Hit the ball....drag Charlie."

[Haipule]

A man gets ready to hit his shot on the first tee when the starter, using the public address system says, "Will the man on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee!"

The man then readdresses the ball when the starter again says, "Will the man on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee!"

The man yells back at the starter, "Will the starter please allow me to hit my second shot!"

[downbeatplumb]

A golfer returns from a day at the links with a disgusted look on his face.

"What's wrong," queried his wife.

"A terrible day.  Charlie had a heart attack on the first hole and died."

"Oh, no... that's just awful!" she exclaimed.

"You bet.  All day long it was 'Hit the ball....drag Charlie.  Hit the ball....drag Charlie."

I thought that this was going to be a sex joke.

[pgrimes15]

Don't get it.

Not funny once you 'splain it, but he felt it was more worthwhile to golf than to attend his wife's funeral.

Ah yes I understand now. It was the phrasing of the punchline that confused me.

"Forgive me .... but we were married for 25 years."
would have been clearer.

[Darinda]

TOP  10 - BEST  GOLF  CADDIE  REMARKS

 

#10
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

#9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

#8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

#7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

#6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

#5
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time.  It's too much of a distraction." 
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

#4
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

#3
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

#2
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

and the #1 best caddy comment:

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

An aspiring young actor rings up his mother and tells her excitedly, 'Mum, I had an audition today and I got a part in a film!'

Mum says, 'Happy for you, dear.  What part did you get?'

'A good one - I play the husband.'

'Husband?!  You go back right this minute and tell them you demand a speaking part!'

Boru