True story:
Mrs Bob Hope: darling, where do want to be buried?
Mr Bob Hope: Surprise me?
Mrs Bob Hope: darling, where do want to be buried?
Mr Bob Hope: Surprise me?
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Know God, Know fear.
joke time
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True story:
Mrs Bob Hope: darling, where do want to be buried? Mr Bob Hope: Surprise me?
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck
A farmer passes by and says, "Hey you shot that deer on my property. That makes that deer mine." The hunter says, "No way, I tracked it, I shot it, it's mine." The farmer says, "Ok Ok...we'll settle this the old way." "The old way?" "Yes. We'll take turns kicking each other in the nuts and the first guy who can't take it anymore loses. The winner gets the deer." The hunter thinks about this and he says, "Ok, let's do it." The farmer says, "Ok, let me go first." He takes a big wind up and just nails the hunter right in the nuts with his big dirty farmer boots. The hunter doubles over in pain, huffing and puffing for a few minutes. He finally gets up, still panting and says, "Ok Ok...I'm still in...my turn." The farmer says, "Nah, you can keep the deer."
I don't think this is fair.
I think you should be allowed to fill out your March Madness brackets after the Championship is played.
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, “Let’s go over to that bar for a drink.”
The lady with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.” The one with the Doberman said, “Just watch, and do as I do.” They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, “Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.” The woman with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.” The bouncer said, “A Doberman?” The woman said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very good.” The bouncer said, “OK, come on in.” The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought, “What the heck,” so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, “Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.” The woman said, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog” The bouncer said, “A Chihuahua?” The woman with the Chihuahua said, ........ “A Chihuahua ? They gave me a !@#$%^& Chihuahua ?!”
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
RE: joke time
March 27, 2018 at 11:24 am
(This post was last modified: March 27, 2018 at 11:47 am by Divinity.)
People keep telling me Jesus is coming.
So I ask them "On your mouth, or on your face?"
"Tradition" is just a word people use to make themselves feel better about being an asshole.
CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?
Quote:
Did you hear the one about the guy and the guitar?
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers. Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. --Voltaire Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind. |
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