joke time

[downbeatplumb]

I'll give it a miss. I've heard its quite bloody.

I heard it strings you along.

Critics are saying "its absorbing"

[The Valkyrie]

Where's a spree killer when you need one??

[downbeatplumb]

Where's a spree killer when you need one??

In America one will be along soon.

[Rhondazvous]

Hollywood is coming out with a new blockbuster movie expected to win an Oscar about the founder of Tampex. Critics are calling it the best period piece in Hollywood history.

I'll give it a miss. I've heard its quite bloody.

Yeah, it leaves audiences bitchy for a week. Worse than Pokemon.

---

I heard it strings you along.

Critics are saying "its absorbing"

But some think it's groovy, white, uptight and outta sight.

[Abaddon_ire]

Where's a spree killer when you need one??

Why do you want to kill sprees?

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Where's a spree killer when you need one??

In America one will be along soon.

[no one]

What do you call a German virgin?



Gutentight

[vulcanlogician]

A young adventurer guy is trekking through the deepest, darkest amazon jungle
When out of nowhere, he suddenly finds himself surrounded by 30 of the most fierce-looking tribesmen, all with long spears, bows and arrows, as what looks like the chief walks right up to him.

The guy looks at his situation...and he cries out, "Oh god I'm so fucked!"

Just then, the clouds above opened, and a bright light shined down upon him..and he heard a great, thunderous, but calm voice, and he said, "No, my son..you are NOT fucked. Pick up the large rock at your feet, and strike the man in front of you with all your might".

The young man doesn't hesitate. He reaches down, picks up the rock, draws back and hits the chief right in the head.

The chief just falls backwards, dead. Plop.

The tribesmen all look at the chief, and then look at the young man, with a total look of stunned disbelief.

Then the voice from above speaks again.."NOW you're fucked".

[Rhondazvous]

Old gems from way back.

what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

---

The 'ell if I know.

---

Did you hear the one about the fat lady that when she sat around the house, she sat AROUND the house.

This family was concerned about their aunt Harriet because she thought she was a chicken. She'd strut around flapping her arms like wings, clucking her tongue, and scratching for worm like a chicken. Some neighbors suggested the family consult a psychiatrist, but they decided not to. They needed the eggs.

hardy har har

[vulcanlogician]

A guy walks into a bar, takes a seat, and sets a little man playing a piano up on the bar.
"I'll have a beer," he says to the bartender.
"Right away, sir!"... The bartender gets the man a beer and asks if he wants to start a tab. The man says "yes," so the bartender sets the man up with a tab. After all this is done, the bartender approaches the man, and leans against the bar.
"So, what's up with the guy playin' the piano?" he asks.
"Oh funny story," the man replies. "I was on an archeological dig in Arabia when I stumbled upon a dusty old lamp. When I wiped it clean with a rag, a genie appeared and said that he would grant me a single wish."
"Isn't it three wishes?" the bartender asked.
"No. Just one. I don't really think this particular genie is all that good," the man said.
"Well, I suppose one wish is better than none, though right?" said the bartender.
"I guess," the man said. After pausing a moment the man said, "Hey! I still have the lamp. Do you wanna give it a try?"
"Would I?" said the bartender, "Absolutely!"
"Here" the man said, handing the bartender the lamp.
Overjoyed, the bartender excitedly rubbed the lamp, and a genie appeared before him in a puff of smoke. 
"I will grant you a single wish," said the genie, "What shall it be?"
"I wish for a million bucks!" exclaimed the bartender. And there it was....... in his bar..... a million ducks, quacking loudly and shitting all over the place.
"What the fuck!?" said the bartender, "I said a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
The man said: "Do you think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"