joke time

[vulcanlogician]

A police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. He says he’s looking for two child molesters.

The priests look at each other for a moment and then turn to the cop: "We’ll do it!"

[ignoramus]

A police officer pulls over a man who was driving erratically.
After giving him gives him a breathalyzer test, he says: Sir, you're over the limit!

The man responds: That's impossible officer, my Christmas breakup pub crawl was 3 days ago!

[vulcanlogician]

^^^ I don't quite get that one, Iggy. What am I missing?

***

Girl: come over

Guy: I’m coming over

Girl: we should stop using walkie talkies in bed over

***

Why did the Pepsi employee get fired?

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Because his lab results came back, and he tested positive for Coke.

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Yeah, I know. It's fucking stupid. But it made me laugh.

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[ignoramus]

Sorry VL, it was a work in progress ... He drank so much at the pub crawl, he was basically still pissed after 3 days.

[Cod]

Sorry VL, it was a work in progress ... He drank so much at the pub crawl, he was basically still pissed after 3 days.

Been there, got the T-shirt

---

What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for college?


Bison.

[Jackie]

A real commercial I have a chuckle at and think......

So there is this ad for slip on shoes with no shoelaces. The implication is that you are going through airport security and it is a pain in the ass to untie your shoes, go through and have to re tie them. In it there is a lady security agent shouting, " SHOES OFF, BELTS OFF".... So the implication is to speed up your time going through by buying shoes without laces.

Every time I see this ad I chuckle and think, " This would be an awesome ad for a nudist camp."

"SHOES OFF, BELTS OFF, BOXERS OFF, BRIEFS OFF, PANTS OFF, SHIRTS OFF, BRAS AND PANTIES OFF!"

[vulcanlogician]

As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Fella comes home from his job at the condiment factory at noon, so his wife says, 'What are you doing here at this hour?'

'Got fired.  They caught me with my dick in the pickle slicer.'

'That's terrible!'

'Tell me about it.  I get fired, the pickle slicer gets a promotion and a corner office.'

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

'What's today's date?'

'A blonde with big tits and a hatful of Viagra.' - Uncle Junior, The Sopranos

Boru

[Jackie]

I just realized how funny it sounds in NFL announcing plays "He broke one" sounds. No wonder he ran all the way. I mean, who wants to tackle a guy who just "broke one."