joke time

[onlinebiker]

2020 used to mean seeing things clearly..


Now it means "What fucking next?"

[downbeatplumb]

New word definitions from this year.

Copulate-Untimely arrival of police
Deferment-Bikini wax
Dermatology-The study of Irish names
Asking-Leader of the bottoms

[A. Secular Human]

New word definitions from this year.

Copulate-Untimely arrival of police
Deferment-Bikini wax
Dermatology-The study of Irish names
Asking-Leader of the bottoms

Asphalt - Hemorrhoids

[vulcanlogician]

A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private study
Maid: "I'd like a raise."

Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?

Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Your husband.Third, I'm better in bed than you are."

Mrs. Smith:"I suppose my husband said that too?"

Maid:"No, the gardener."

Mrs. Smith:"How much do you want?"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

NAOMI: ‘Hey, I just realized that my name spelt backwards is, “I MOAN” - that is so weird, because I love moaning!’

LANA: ‘Enough with the mind games, bitch.’

Boru

[onlinebiker]

I met a girl once in a bar who said she really dug anal and wanted to take me home....

While not my thing I figured what the hell - getting it wet is getting it wet - right?

I lost my enthusiasm when she strapped one on and said "Get ready - bitch".

[Darinda]

Conjoined twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."
 
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on vacation yet, fellas?"
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car, and drive for miles and miles, don't we, Jim?"
 
Jim nods. "Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country...the history, the culture, and especially the beer"
 
"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's for us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English people, they're so arrogant and rude."
 
"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.
 
John replies: "Gives Jim a chance to drive."

[The Valkyrie]

I need your good thoughts, people.

My grandfather is addicted to viagra.

The entire family is upset about it.

But no one is taking it harder than grandma.

[onlinebiker]

At the nursing home they give all the old dudes viagra...


It keeps them from rolling out of bed.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

At the nursing home they give all the old dudes viagra...


It keeps them from rolling out of bed.

One of those oldies OD’d, though. Had to bury the poor fella in an open casket.

Boru