joke time

[ignoramus]

^ That's one of the pleasures of being an admin.... He can torture his minions as he pleases...

[Jackie]

I just found an article stating that the Egyptian government want all the cab drivers in Cairo  to honk their cars horns more often. The idea is that people hearing more normal city sounds aren’t as likely to by hyper-stressed by the pandemic control measures. The scheme is known as

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Operation Toot-And-Calm-‘Em.

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Boru

And you want to complain about me.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Be fair - you make it easy.

Boru

[vulcanlogician]

Betty White used to be known as 'Betty Grey', but then she *was defeated by* the Balrog and was reborn.

Boru

FTFY

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***
What did the Tibetan monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine?
"I can't believe it's not Buddha."

***

A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.
They were both put in a room and at the other end was a naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said “Don’t you see? You’ll never get close enough to actually reach her.” The engineer replied, “So? I’ll be close enough for all practical purposes.”

[Darinda]

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”

The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.”

She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”
As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen.”

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

What do you call a pasta dish that always has your back?

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Fettuccini alfriendo.

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Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

362 days until Christmas and my neighbours already have their fucking lights up.

Boru

[onlinebiker]

Don'tcha hate those cheery bastards?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff.

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Baa-dum-tssss.

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*****

Bruce Willis will probably keep making action films, because you know what they say about old habits.

*****

This year, I decided to stop eating Christmas leftovers without re-heating them first.  I quit cold turkey.

Boru

[purplepurpose]

Baby was born.
-Invisible quest line added: Respawn in heaven or hell.