joke time

[The Valkyrie]

As his wife lay in a coma, the man watched, heartbroken, as the doctors approached the life-support machinery.

"Please, no!" he cried in anguish, "Just a few more minutes, I beg you!"

But the doctors ignored his desperate pleas and proceeded to wake her up.

[The Valkyrie]

Friend who dropped in to visit, "I was talking to the postman and he said he's slept with every woman in this street but one."

Me, "Must be that stuck up bitch at number 5!"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Restaurant patron (pointing at menu): 'And how is this prepared?'

Server: 'We laminate sheets of paper listing the food choices.'

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

A friend found a lump and had his testicle removed.

He's very serious about his mashed potatoes

[onlinebiker]

A friend found a lump and had his testicle removed.

He's very serious about his mashed potatoes

I hate to ask what he does if they burn the bratwurst....

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I could do with a massage. Sometimes, I just like to feel kneaded.

Boru

[ignoramus]

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A woman called 'Gemma Pell' would have a hard time introducing herself to people in France.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

An English friend bought strobe lights for his bedroom.

He says the sex is the same but now it looks like his wife is moving.

[Fireball]

A police officer was patrolling late at night off the main highway.


At nearly midnight, he saw a couple in a car in Lovers’ Lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approached the car to get a closer look. Then he saw a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He noticed a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the officer walked to the car and gently rapped on the driver’s window. The young man lowered his window. “Uh, yes, officer?”
The cop asked, “What are you doing?” The young man said, “Well, officer, I’m reading a magazine.”
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the officer asked, “And, her, what is she doing?”
The young man shrugged, “Sir, I believe she’s filing her fingernails.”
Now, the cop was totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in Lover’s Lane and nothing obscene is happening!
He asked, “What’s your age, young man?”
The young man said, “I’m 22, sir.”
The cop asked, “And her, what’s her age?”
The young man looked at his watch and replied, “She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.”