joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I once walked in on my parents having sex. It was the most awkward thirty minutes of my life.

Boru

[arewethereyet]

I once walked in on my parents having sex. It was the most awkward thirty minutes of my life.

Boru

[Frank Apisa]

That last stretch reminds me of a lousy joke...unworthy of a thread like this, but...

Guy comes home early from work...and discovers his wife in bed with his best friend.

He berates her. "How could you do this to me. And with Henry, a guy I thought was my best friend. We've been married for almost 30 years...and now this! I've given you every thing you've ever wanted...a big house, expensive car, the finest clothes. What will our children think when they find out?"

"And you, Henry, you should at least have the decency to stop while I am talking."

[Foxaèr]

A race of aliens visits earth one day. They come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors.

When it's the Pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ?"

"You mean good old JayCee?", responds the alien. "Yeah, we know him! He's the greatest, isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok".

Surprised, the Pope follows up with: "He visits every year?! It's been over two millennia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"

The alien sees that the Pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalise. "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"

The Pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"

The alien says "Yeah, when he first visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys do?"

[Abaddon_ire]

How would you know?

I put in in a joke section for a reason...

So god doesn't love you? Or what?

[ignoramus]

God can't love me any more than I could love him.
We're strangers

If he came to me I'd probably tell him: fuck off you needy little shit and let us apes do our thing.

[The Valkyrie]

God can't love me any more than I could love him.
We're strangers

If he came to me I'd probably tell him: fuck off you needy little shit and let us apes do our thing.

God wants you as his special friend.

😉😉

[ignoramus]

Is God my jail warden?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

God can't love me any more than I could love him.
We're strangers

If he came to me I'd probably tell him: fuck off you needy little shit and let us apes do our thing.

God and I decided we should see other people.

Boru

[Darinda]

The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.

“I can’t be sure what’s wrong with you,” the doctor said. “I think it’s the drinking.”

“Okay,” the patient said. “Can we get an opinion from a doctor who’s sober?”