joke time

[ignoramus]

I wonder if Boba Fett is on earth atm

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Her: 'You know, you're over 50. Maybe it's time you give up some of your man-toys and start acting like an adult.'

Me: 'Jaysus, you're beginning to sound like my ex-wife.'

Her: 'What? You never told me you were married before!'

Me: 'I haven't been.'

Boru

[Darinda]

A drunk fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The
Bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It
Hits a blond lady's breasts and spills all over them. The
bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the
Beer off of her breasts.  
 
This happens a couple more times.  
 
The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick
Her breasts.  She decks him! He's laying on the floor 
Moaning and groaning. 
 
The drunk asks, 'Why do you let the bartender do it?'  

'Because he has - 
                                 (your gonna love this)

 

 

                            

 

 

 A LICKER LICENSE!

[The Architect Of Fate]

-If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you're a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Sheesh


-My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.


-When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.


-My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!" They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A lot of international travelers are still being quarantined at their destination. I know it's frustrating, but it doesn't have to be unproductive.

While he was in isolation, famed mathematician Theodore Kaczynski completed more than 16 successful technical projects AND wrote a 35 000 word essay that was published in the New York Times.

Boru

[Darinda]

A woman went to her doctor for advice.

She told him that her husband had developed a
penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure
that it was such a good idea.

'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.

'Actually, yes, I do.

'Does it hurt you?' he asked.

'No. I rather like it.'

"Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no
reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex,
if that's what you like, so long as you take
care not to get pregnant.'

The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get
pregnant from anal sex?'

'Of course,' the doctor replied. 'Where do you
think all the politicians come from?'

[Cecelia]

What is a Dalek's favorite fruit?

Apples. Because one a day keeps The Doctor away.

[vulcanlogician]

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really want to change.

***

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

It’s a very obscure number, you probably won’t have heard of it.

***

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Sex.

***

How long does it take a performance artist to change a lightbulb?

I don’t know; I left after the first hour and a half.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really want to change.

***

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

It’s a very obscure number, you probably won’t have heard of it.

***

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Sex.

***

How long does it take a performance artist to change a lightbulb?

I don’t know; I left after the first hour and a half.

My favourite version of the Freudian one:

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change the bulb and two to hold the penis...I mean father...LADDER!!

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Years ago, I was in a bar when one of the waitresses screamed, 'Oh, my god...does anyone know CPR??' I said, 'Bitch I know the whole alphabet.'

Everyone laughed. Except, you know, that one guy.

Boru