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RE: joke time
March 13, 2022 at 4:41 am
(March 12, 2022 at 8:29 pm)Nomad Wrote: (March 12, 2022 at 3:30 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: ‘In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit. And then the murders started.’
‘As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. And then the murders started.’
‘It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen. And then the murders started.’
Boru
With these ones, the addition doesn't need any changes to be made to the plots.
I don't recall any murders in 'The Hobbit'.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
March 13, 2022 at 4:41 am
(March 13, 2022 at 3:50 am)The Valkyrie Wrote: (March 12, 2022 at 3:30 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: A lot of novels could be improved by changing the second line to, ‘And then the murders started.’ Like this:
‘Every who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot. And then the murders started.’
‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; and then the murders started.’
‘In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit. And then the murders started.’
‘As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. And then the murders started.’
‘It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen. And then the murders started.’
Boru
"In the beginning, god created the heavens and the Earth. Then the murders started."
Basically, the bible, abridged.
Nicely played. 
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
March 13, 2022 at 10:15 pm
We have a guy at work with a really bad stutter.
Unfortunately, his 95 year old nana just died.
We were already halfway through "hey Jude", before he finished breaking the news.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
March 14, 2022 at 8:23 am
Why doesn't William Lane Craig join the AF?
Because he would quickly get banned for rape apologetics.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
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RE: joke time
March 14, 2022 at 8:30 am
What's the difference between a comic book nerd and a biblical scholar?
The nerd isn't tax exempt.
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RE: joke time
March 14, 2022 at 9:17 am
A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.
‘To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million,’ the attorney reads.
‘To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.’
And finally,’ the lawyer concludes, ‘to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!’
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RE: joke time
March 14, 2022 at 6:10 pm
(March 13, 2022 at 10:15 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: We have a guy at work with a really bad stutter.
Unfortunately, his 95 year old nana just died.
We were already halfway through "hey Jude", before he finished breaking the news.
That would have been even funnier if the song cited was the one from Steam:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsaTElBljOE
Disappointing theists since 1968!
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RE: joke time
March 14, 2022 at 7:26 pm
First Lady: “My son is very well behaved.”
Second Lady: “How can you say that? Wasn’t he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years.”
First Lady: “Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior
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RE: joke time
March 15, 2022 at 5:02 am
(This post was last modified: March 15, 2022 at 5:02 am by BrianSoddingBoru4.)
A man is standing on a street corner in Moscow, holding a sign that says, 'THE PRESIDENT IS AN IDIOT'. Naturally enough, the police arrest him. As he is being dragged away, he says he meant the Ukrainian president.
'You can fool us,' the police say. 'We know who the idiot is!'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
March 16, 2022 at 6:02 am
Wife: ‘We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?’
Me: ‘They’re for the cats.’
Wife: ‘Ok - why are you making pancakes for the cats?’
Me: ‘Because they aren’t allowed to use the stove.’
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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