Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
October 31, 2022 at 7:06 pm
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.”
“Hans Olaffsen?”, he muses. “How the heck does that fit in here?”
So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.
The tourist asks, “How did this place get a name like “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?”
The old man answers, “Is name of owner.”
The tourist asks, “Well, who and where is the owner?”
“Me, is right here,” replies the old man.
“You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?”
“Is simple,” says the old man. “Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, “What your name?” He say, “Hans Olaffsen.” Then she look at me and go, ‘What your name?'”
“I say, Sem Ting.”
Posts: 1605
Threads: 0
Joined: October 2, 2018
Reputation:
11
RE: joke time
November 1, 2022 at 3:28 pm
(October 31, 2022 at 7:06 pm)Darinda Wrote: Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.”
“Hans Olaffsen?”, he muses. “How the heck does that fit in here?”
So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.
The tourist asks, “How did this place get a name like “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?”
The old man answers, “Is name of owner.”
The tourist asks, “Well, who and where is the owner?”
“Me, is right here,” replies the old man.
“You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?”
“Is simple,” says the old man. “Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, “What your name?” He say, “Hans Olaffsen.” Then she look at me and go, ‘What your name?'”
“I say, Sem Ting.”
An excellent Chinese restaurant near my house is called "Sullivan Authentic Chinese Cuisine". I kid you not.
Disappointing theists since 1968!
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
November 3, 2022 at 5:18 pm
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a se x therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he’d be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
“What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked.
“Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my pen_is into the pickle slicer?” he asked.
“Oh, Bill, you didn’t,” she said.
“Yes, I did,” he told her.
“My God, Bill, what happened?”
“I got fired.”
“No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?” she asked.
“Oh… she got fired too.”
Posts: 46314
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
November 4, 2022 at 7:36 am
Boss: ‘Simpson, this is the third time you’ve been late this week! I assume you know what this means?’
Simpson: ‘Umm…it’s…Wednesday?’
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
November 4, 2022 at 10:55 am
A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”
Posts: 46314
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
November 4, 2022 at 4:18 pm
My geneticist got my test results back and called to tell me that my DNA was backwards. I said, ‘And…?’
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 1605
Threads: 0
Joined: October 2, 2018
Reputation:
11
RE: joke time
November 4, 2022 at 6:17 pm
(November 4, 2022 at 4:18 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: My geneticist got my test results back and called to tell me that my DNA was backwards. I said, ‘And…?’
Boru
Took me a second...
Disappointing theists since 1968!
Posts: 35310
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
146
RE: joke time
November 5, 2022 at 12:22 am
Him, "I told her that if anything happens to me, she should see other people."
Me, "And I did!"
Him, "I meant if I died! I was stuck in traffic, Beccs!!"
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Posts: 1988
Threads: 93
Joined: October 23, 2022
Reputation:
8
RE: joke time
November 5, 2022 at 10:28 am
(November 4, 2022 at 4:18 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: My geneticist got my test results back and called to tell me that my DNA was backwards. I said, ‘And…?’
Boru
Condom nickname: DNA Lounge
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
November 5, 2022 at 11:18 am
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, ‘This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?’
‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf.’
|
