joke time

[Fireball]

Her, "Did you know cucumber can freshen your breath?"

Me, "Not the way you use them, Jill!"

 It's a joke in our house that during the shopping the cucumbers are called marital aids. We're a naughty bunch.

[LinuxGal]

Q. Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

A. So they won't be mistaken for lesbians.

I think I'm going to just let this one sit there, and fester.

I got a talking to over this one.  The biggest joke on this whole thread would be getting banned over this.  That will become more apparent when I meet the 30/30 requirements next week.

[arewethereyet]

I think I'm going to just let this one sit there, and fester.

I got a talking to over this one.  The biggest joke on this whole thread would be getting banned over this.  That will become more apparent when I meet the 30/30 requirements next week.

bold mine

Repeating this is a great way to keep all eyes on you.  Just because you can post links doesn't mean that all are acceptable.

[Darinda]

These two old guys from a retirement home were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “You know, I’m 85 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains all the time. I feel like I’m falling apart.. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
The second old guy replies, “You know, I feel just like a newborn baby.”

The first old guy says, “Really! Like a newborn baby?”

The second old guy says, “Yeah – no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Hi everyone !

Bye, Demi!

Boru

[A. Secular Human]

Her, "Did you know cucumber can freshen your breath?"

Me, "Not the way you use them, Jill!"

"From your lips to my ears."

I don't think this is what they meant...

[Darinda]

Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says, “Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn’t bend it, even using both hands.
By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no problem.
I’m gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand.”
“So,” says the second drunk, “what’s your point?”
“Well, I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m gonna get.”

[Darinda]

A man meets his Tinder date at a carnival.

“There’s so many games!” he said, “What do you wanna do?”

“I wanna get weighed.” she says, shyly looking at the ground.

They go to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins a stuffed animal.

“What next?” he asks.

“I wanna get weighed.” she says, confidently looking at him.

They return to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins… nothing… The vendor has a good memory.

“What now?” he asks, a bit annoyed at the repeat activity.

She looks at the man, holding his gaze and carefully says “I. Wanna. Get. WEIGHED.”

He ends the date right there and storms off.

Dejected, the girl goes home to her roommate, who asks, “How was your date?”

She throws the stuffed animal to the ground and shouts, “Wousy!”

[A. Secular Human]

A man meets his Tinder date at a carnival.

“There’s so many games!” he said, “What do you wanna do?”

“I wanna get weighed.” she says, shyly looking at the ground.

They go to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins a stuffed animal.

“What next?” he asks.

“I wanna get weighed.” she says, confidently looking at him.

They return to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins… nothing… The vendor has a good memory.

“What now?” he asks, a bit annoyed at the repeat activity.

She looks at the man, holding his gaze and carefully says “I. Wanna. Get. WEIGHED.”

He ends the date right there and storms off.

Dejected, the girl goes home to her roommate, who asks, “How was your date?”

She throws the stuffed animal to the ground and shouts, “Wousy!”

I saw that coming, but apparently, she never did.

[Cecelia]

Was over at my father-in-law's this morning. He was talking about what the bible said, and my husband started sneezing. He turned to me and whispered "I think I'm allergic to bullshit."