An IRA man shows up at the pearly gates and St. Peter comes out to greet him. St. Peter takes one look and says "I don't think you can get in here.The IRA man says"Who wants in? You've twenty minutes to get the *#!@ out!
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Current time: May 13, 2024, 7:15 pm
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joke time
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Best jokes heard in middle school:
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked guy? A: Cute, but how do you eat with it? Q1: Why do ducks have flat feet? A1: Stamping out forest fires. Q2: Why do elephants have flat feet? A2: Stamping out burning ducks. 
Went to a concert last week, 50 Cent with Nickelback.
Cost 45 cents.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
A Greek tailor is pottering round his shop when who should walk in but his cousin Euripides, whom he hasn't seen in donkey's years. Overjoyed, the tailor throws his arms in the air and exclaims, 'Euripides! Euripides!!'
The man holds up a pair of torn trousers and says, 'Yeah...you menda deez?' Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
 RE: joke time
September 21, 2014 at 12:29 pm
(This post was last modified: September 21, 2014 at 12:51 pm by C4RM5.)
An English MP was addressing a crowd in Belfast. He stated to the masses "I was born an Englishman, I've lived an Englishman, and by God I shall die an Englishman!" Then, from the back of the crowd, a voice yelled "@#$*& man, have ye no ambition?"
Every year in Northern Ireland they release a tourist ad which is really inaccurate. This is in my view a better more accurate version. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lucN__OyXBA This explains why they film Game of Thrones here. RE: joke time
September 21, 2014 at 3:22 pm
(This post was last modified: September 21, 2014 at 3:32 pm by BrianSoddingBoru4.)
A young couple are out on a blind date at a fairly posh restaurant. They're having a wonderful time but, all through the evening, the man is staring at an odd little dent across the bridge of the girl's nose.
Eventually, she notices and says, 'The mark on my nose, right? Don't fret, I'm not embarrassed by it. It's caused by glasses, is all.' 'Oh, I see. Sorry for staring and all. Look, I don't mean to criticize, but have you thought of switching to contact lenses?' 'Nah. They don't hold enough beer.' Boru Quote:Every year in Northern Ireland they release a tourist ad which is really inaccurate. This is in my view a better more accurate version. *sigh* So many memories.... Seriously, though, there's a helluva lot more good in Norn Iron than there is bad. Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
I agree it just during the start of the summer rioting takes up the news paper.
(September 21, 2014 at 3:49 pm)C4RM5 Wrote: I agree it just during the start of the summer rioting takes up the news paper. Too right. I've spent more than one 11 July storing up paving stone in anticipation. Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
(September 21, 2014 at 3:55 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote:If the police ask why just say you get your drive done every 12th.(September 21, 2014 at 3:49 pm)C4RM5 Wrote: I agree it just during the start of the summer rioting takes up the news paper.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
No idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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