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RE: joke time
October 6, 2014 at 9:50 am
"Mommy, how come your hands are so soft, even after all that washing up? Is it because you use new, improved Fairy Liquid?"
"No, silly. It's because I'm only 13 years old."
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
October 6, 2014 at 9:52 am
I went to Office Depot for some office supplies today. I bought some push-pins and some post-it notes. All in all, it cost me $3.99 plus tacks.
In every country and every age, the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
October 7, 2014 at 4:27 am
If all the Mormon women in the world were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
October 7, 2014 at 2:05 pm
A man, a dwarf, an elf and a hobbit didn't simply walk into a bar...
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
October 7, 2014 at 5:12 pm
Hired a giant clam to clean round the flat.
Thanks, Mr Mussel.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
October 7, 2014 at 5:14 pm
Two nuns in a minefield.
Boom. Boom!
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
October 7, 2014 at 6:25 pm
(This post was last modified: October 7, 2014 at 6:26 pm by Cyberman.)
A copper finds a couple shagging in a shop doorway on a Saturday night.
Being a traditionalist, he says "Ello, 'ello, 'ello - what's going on 'ere, then?"
The bird replies "What the fuck does it look like, you tit-headed twat?" as she's bouncing off the door.
So the copper arrests the bloke for having an offensive person on his weapon.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
October 7, 2014 at 6:54 pm
John's wife was having some bad health problems so he took her to the doctor. After a long spell in the waiting room during her exam, the doctor finally came out.
"John," he says, "I've got bad news for you."
"Don't sugarcoat it, Doc. Tell me what's what."
"Well, John, I can't really get a fix on it, but your wife either has Alzheimers or AIDS."
"Whaddya mean, Alzheimer's or AIDS? You're a doctor, you should be able to tell the difference!"
"John, we can run some tests, but it's going to be a couple of weeks before we'll get the results back."
"A couple of weeks? What am I supposed to do until then, Doc?"
Take her out past Barstow and drop her off. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."
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RE: joke time
October 7, 2014 at 7:27 pm
(This post was last modified: October 7, 2014 at 7:46 pm by BrianSoddingBoru4.)
Thump, that's a horrible, demeaning joke. It's cruel to people with STDs as well as to those with dementia and (most of all) cruel to their loved ones. It is shameful, degrading, callous...and I wish I'd told it first.
Boru
As so often happens in jokes like this, a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel tied to his testicles.
Gaping with disbelief, the barman finally manages to sputter, 'Wot the fuck is THAT for??'
'Aargh,' replies the pirate. 'It drives me nuts.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
October 8, 2014 at 7:54 pm
PUNCHLINES ONLY
..., so the bear said, 'With what? My wristwatch?'
...The chicken survived, but the camel had to wear an eyepatch for the rest of his life.
...and out stepped Mel Gibson.
...'Well, that depends on just HOW extreme the unction, my child.'
...'In that case, I'll have the ham sandwich.'
...no, it was her SIGN that fell down.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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