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joke time
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Two chemists walk into a bar. The first looks at the bartender and says "I'll have a tall glass of H20." The second chemist thinks for a moment and says "That's a good idea, I'll have some H20 too."
The second one died.
In every country and every age, the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson 
Dick Van Dyke.
Just three things you can buy in Amsterdam.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
 (October 14, 2014 at 6:49 pm)Stimbo Wrote: Dick Van Dyke. You know that his real name is Penis van Lesbian? Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" 
Speaking of show business, there was the girl trying to breaking into movies who was so dumb she fucked the writer.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
RE: joke time
October 14, 2014 at 7:36 pm
(This post was last modified: October 14, 2014 at 7:43 pm by The Valkyrie.)
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" RE: joke time
October 14, 2014 at 7:45 pm
(This post was last modified: October 14, 2014 at 7:46 pm by Cyberman.)
Hands up, everyone else who thought the punchline was going to be "it only comes once a year".
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
RE: joke time
October 14, 2014 at 7:50 pm
(This post was last modified: October 14, 2014 at 7:54 pm by The Valkyrie.)
(October 14, 2014 at 7:45 pm)Stimbo Wrote: Hands up, everyone else who thought the punchline was going to be "it only comes once a year". That's why Santa's divorced. He only comes once a year and even then, it's down a chimney. Do not be racist , be like Mario. He's an italian plumber, made by Japanese people, who speaks english, looks like a mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a jew! 
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" (October 14, 2014 at 7:50 pm)Beccs Wrote: That's why Santa's divorced. Yes, but when he does he fills your stocking.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
(October 14, 2014 at 8:03 pm)Stimbo Wrote:(October 14, 2014 at 7:50 pm)Beccs Wrote: That's why Santa's divorced. Yeah, his aim's bad, too . . . 
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
He's a bit like me on a good day.
Eh, girls?
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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