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RE: joke time
January 17, 2015 at 1:40 am
I went to a restaurant this evening to meet up with this bird I've been chatting to online.
"I hope you don't mind me saying this," I said, "but you don't look anything like your profile picture."
"Yeah, I get that a lot," he said.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
January 17, 2015 at 1:18 pm
(This post was last modified: January 17, 2015 at 1:19 pm by IATIA.)
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were camping out one weekend.
As they were laying down for the night, Sherlock says to Watson, "Tell me what you see.".
Watson looks up and says, "I see stars.".
"Tell me what you really see."
"Well, I see stars, most of which are really galaxies. I see the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper. I see Mars and Jupiter. Why, what do you see?"
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson
God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers
Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders
Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
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RE: joke time
January 17, 2015 at 1:26 pm
Wasn't that voted Britain's funniest joke one time?
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
January 17, 2015 at 1:30 pm
(January 17, 2015 at 1:26 pm)Stimbo Wrote: Wasn't that voted Britain's funniest joke one time? Don't know. Mayhaps, but being American I do not usually keep up with those specific details. Monty Python and Benny Hill never informed me.
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson
God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers
Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders
Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
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RE: joke time
January 17, 2015 at 1:33 pm
Surely you jest, sirrah!
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
January 17, 2015 at 3:47 pm
(January 17, 2015 at 1:26 pm)Stimbo Wrote: Wasn't that voted Britain's funniest joke one time?
Yeah, I think it was. Don't ask how I know this; I don't even remember.
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RE: joke time
January 17, 2015 at 5:24 pm
(This post was last modified: January 17, 2015 at 5:24 pm by Alex K.)
When I was little I was also told that most stars we see in the night sky are really galaxies. I wonder how this nonsense got started...
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition
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RE: joke time
January 17, 2015 at 5:55 pm
I couldn't get the spoiler button to work.
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RE: joke time
January 17, 2015 at 6:00 pm
"I see that someone has stolen our fucking tent!?
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson
God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers
Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders
Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
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RE: joke time
January 17, 2015 at 6:18 pm
Recently, that joke about the 911 call and the shotgun, which I'm sure was posted here more than once, was voted best joke of somewhere/time or whatever. It is a brilliant joke.
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:
"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."
For context, this is the previous verse:
"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
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