joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

While strolling through London, Holmes and Watson pass a shop with a bright yellow door.

'Egad, Holmes!,' exclaims Watson. 'What do you make of that?'

'Lemon entry, my good fellow.'

Boru

[Cyberman]

Later, they pass a yard in which a prostitute is entertaing two gentlemen friends.

"By Jove, Holmes," cried Watson. "What can be afoot here?"

"Double entry, my dear Watson."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

And on their way back to their Baker Street digs, Holmes is recounting how he determined that the fabled Opals of Kathamndu had been concealed in the digestive system of a mountain goat.

'Great Scott, Holmes!' says Watson. 'However did you deduce that?'

'Alimentary, Watson.'

Boru

[Cyberman]

When they got inside, they found a package containing a single large rock and a taunting note from Professor Moriarty.

"Come and find me - if you can!" it read.

Examining the rock, Holmes rapidly deduced that Moriarty was hiding in a particular quarry in Essex.

"Great Scott, Holmes!" spluttered Watson. "How the Devil did you conclude that from a nondescript rock?"

Holmes smiled as he prepared his hypodermic and opened his sleeve.

"Sedimentary, my dear Watson."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Called by Scotland Yard to help apprehend Moriarty and his now infamous rock, Holmes and Watson pass an unusual tree.

At first glance, it looked like a normal oak tree, but if one looked closer, one could see that it was a thoroughly unique tree. The tree trunk was actually made of fire, and its branches were made of ice, clouds and earth.

'What is it, Holmes?' asked Watson in awe.

"'t's an Element tree, my dear Watson,' replied Holmes.

Boru

[Cyberman]

Relaxing after taking Moriarty into custody, Inspector Lestrade takes Holmes and Watson to a fancy restaurant.

After a very nice meal of Whitstable oysters, sole tout Paris and overripe pheasant, Watson - knowing that a simple policeman wouldn't be able to afford the bill - offers to pay at least for his and Holmes' part. But Lestrade wouldn't hear of it.

"Put your money away, Doctor," he said. "This one's on Scotland Yard."

"At least let me pay for the Beaujolais," insisted Watson.

Holmes smiled at his colleague's social naïveté. "No need to do that, Watson," he said.

"Whyever not?" asked Watson, looking a little insulted.

Holmes smiled again.

"Complimentary, my dear Watson."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Following their complimentary meal, Holmes, Watson and Lestrade repair to the Old Bailey to watch Moriarty's trial. Whispering to Holmes in the gallery, Watson asks, 'What sort of outcome can you foresee for this Napoleon of Crime, Holmes?'

'Penitentiary, my dear fellow.'

Boru

[Cyberman]

Two days later, Holmes and Watson learn that Moriarty has used a connection in Government to overturn his conviction.

Watson is furious. "What is the world coming to, when an arch criminal like that is allowed to roam free?"

"I sympathise, Watson," shrugged the great detective, "but I fear there is little we can do. This is after all a decision reached by Her Majesty's Government."

"You mean..?"

"I'm afraid so," said Holmes. "Parliamentary, my dear Watson."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

'But Holmes,' demanded Watson, 'whatever could have persuaded those pompous fools in Westminster to do such a thing as to set Moriarty free?'

'Not all of Westminster, Watson,' replied Holmes sadly. 'The common folk elected to Commons would never have done such a thing. We have the House of Lords to blame for this travesty. The upper classes are rarely the victims of crimes the like of which Moriarity perpetrates.'

'But that means...', began Watson.

'Precisely,' Holmes interrupted. 'Landed gentry, my dear fellow.'

Boru

[Alex K]

Watson was desperate: "This is a Nightmare!", he exclaimed. "where is this supposed to end?"
"on Elmstreet, dear Watson", Holmes whispered.

Ok I better go back to sleep.