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RE: joke time
May 1, 2015 at 10:03 pm
A good looking woman wearing a tube top walks into a bar and adjusts her hair, thus revealing her unshaved armpits.
At the end of the bar an extremely drunk old codger ushers the barman over and says,'buy that ballerina a drink on me.'
'What makes you think she's a ballerina?', says the barman.
Ol mate squints his eyes and says,'anyone that can lift their leg that high has got to a ballerina!'
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RE: joke time
May 2, 2015 at 2:23 am
(This is a new version of a stupid joke I made on here recently)
Who is the patron Saint of receiving the wrong food?
Saint Myorder.
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RE: joke time
May 2, 2015 at 3:51 am
(This post was last modified: May 2, 2015 at 4:18 am by Lucanus.)
(April 30, 2015 at 2:05 am)Jericho Wrote: Why did the boy drop his ice-cream cone?
He got hit by a truck.
Ahem...
(April 26, 2015 at 3:27 am)Lucanus Wrote: Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
Then one stops, and says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Every luxury has a deep price. Every indulgence, a cosmic cost. Each fiber of pleasure you experience causes equivalent pain somewhere else. This is the first law of emodynamics [sic]. Joy can be neither created nor destroyed. The balance of happiness is constant.
Fact: Every time you eat a bite of cake, someone gets horsewhipped.
Facter: Every time two people kiss, an orphanage collapses.
Factest: Every time a baby is born, an innocent animal is severely mocked for its physical appearance. Don't be a pleasure hog. Your every smile is a dagger. Happiness is murder.
Vote "yes" on Proposition 1321. Think of some kids. Some kids."
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RE: joke time
May 2, 2015 at 4:46 am
I just read about a new surgical procedure in which foreskin tissue is being used to repair they eyelids of people who have suffered severe facial burns. The technique is proving very successful. So far, the only side-effect is that around 10% of the patients end up cock-eyed.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
May 4, 2015 at 9:34 am
BBC News announce that the Royal baby has been put on a life support system.
Or the Civil List, as it's more commonly known.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
May 4, 2015 at 10:47 pm
I lost a twenty quid bet today, on the name of the new Royal baby. Apparently it's going to be Charlotte Elizabeth Diana.
Not Mercedes.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
May 5, 2015 at 6:22 am
What's the difference between a snooker player and a politician?
A snooker player only makes a cut when it's appropriate.
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RE: joke time
May 5, 2015 at 8:51 am
(This post was last modified: May 5, 2015 at 8:55 am by robvalue.)
A politician returns home from holiday and is met by his driver.
P: "How's my home-e?"
D: "Why the particular interest sir?"
P: "Just making conversation."
D: "Since you asked, someone threw a brick through the window with 'wanker' written on it."
P: "That's terrible. Why would anybody do that?"
D: "That's not the worst of it sir."
P: "What do you mean?"
D: "Same thing happened to your other four houses."
