Dealing with overly emotional christian parents?

[Celestine]

Ive been pretending to be a christian for the last year, and i decided i would just be honest with myself and call myself an atheist. Ive been hiding it from my parents for a while, but after a sunday sermon today i couldnt help but rip the pastors logic to shreds in the car ride home. Some how the argument that ensued led to talk about my religious position, and i told them i was just a "questioning agnostic".
My mom literally started crying, and talking about how she had failed at parenting and life because i wasnt a christian anymore..
My dad just about disowned me, and was yelling i could do whatever and he didnt care.
My parents told me not to just become a christian again to pretend for them, but im seriously considering it. Should i feel so bad for my lack of faith? I dont know what to do right now..
Has anyone dealt with a situation similar to this?

And this is why I haven't told my parents I'm an atheist.

[The Grand Nudger]

Yeah, two very different ways of handling the situation. That's for sure. Good luck with that living a lie business, btw. Still going well?

[JeffofGallifrey]

1, Don't pretend for them, that won't help. It will just create more mistrust.

2. That said, don't be too LOUD about the fact that you aren't Christian. I mean, don't argue with them every time someone sneezes and they say "God bless you." Be respectful. Don't complain or argue too much. If they want you to come to church... it's probably better if you go. I mean, church is usually less than two hours out of 7 X 24 = 168. So, it's probably less than 1% of your time... which is not a big sacrifice if it promotes peace in the family.

3. Let them know that they've done their duty and that you understand the Bible. And.. it's good for an atheist to understand the Bible. One of the things I was taught growing up is that you seem much more reasonable if you understand what you don't believe.


And, number 4: I don't know of any way you can tell them this, but many teens go through a questioning stage. It's normal and it's good. I think most of the teens I know who are true Christians were atheists or agnostics at some point. I also know kids with atheist parents who have seriously investigated religion in their teens. It is a GOOD thing for teenagers to ask questions, it is a step of the transition into adulthood. So.... it isn't the end of the world that you disagree with them. It's a normal piece of growing up. I'm not saying you have to disagree with them to be an adult, but it bothers me when I meet 20 year olds who have always agreed with their parents. Like... you really haven't questioned it? Are you thinking?

Hopefully, your parents will realize that questioning parents' beliefs is a normal step of entering adulthood and they'll give you (at least some) room to think things through and develop your own opinions.

[The Grand Nudger]

I mean, on the range of worst possible reactions a parent might have to anything that a teenager says - this has gotta rate pretty high.

I'm imagining a scenario in which dad and son are throwing a baseball back and forth (like they have every day for over a decade), smiling, laughing. Son says "You know what dad....I'm not as a big a Red Sox fan as you".....

-at precisely this moment dear old dads face goes dull, he drops the ball mid pitch saying, "fuck it, I'm done with you", walking into the house.

That might be a smidge worse, I suppose...but really only a smidge.
(would make a great youtube video though)

[ShaMan]

(would make a great youtube video though)

If we only had a new member with a channel

[Aoi Magi]

Luckily my parents were the ones who taught me to question religion. But I do have a friend who had been in a similar situation, and his approach of attempting a peaceful resolution didn't go well, basically since the "revelation", anything he did seemed flawed to his parents, they were and are convinced that they have failed their son and there's no saving him anymore.....sigh!

My personal advice to you is give them some space for now to calm down a bit, then let them help you find the answers to your questions which led you to be an atheist.

[Endo]

My mom literally started crying, and talking about how she had failed at parenting and life because i wasnt a christian anymore.

Sounds similar. Mine were/are a bit calmer about "it" once I finally "came out" as an atheist, but my mother expressed the same sentiment of being a failure as a parent because they didn't give me enough spirituality or whatever.

How have/did I handle this? I sort of haven't, just put the onus on them to accept my beliefs or outright reject me as their child. Fortunately, they haven't done the latter yet.

[Minimalist]

My parents told me not to just become a christian again to pretend for them,

The only honest thing they said to you.

Parents love to use emotional blackmail on their kids.