Before You Became an Atheist, Were You Afraid of Yourself?

[Nope]

When I was religious, I was taught to fear myself. Like everyone, I had moments of anger or negative thoughts about others that I never acted upon but my upbringing taught me that without god, I would go crazy and act on those thoughts.

My problem was not so much that I thought god made me good(although I sort of thought he did). What terrified me was the idea that what is moral might just be our opinion. That meant that not raping someone or forcing them into slavery was wrong just because we humans said so and there wasn't a higher power that made our actions absolutely right or wrong. It also meant that if I used the bible as my authority, I had to justify a lot of evil things that the bible god did.

Luckily, there were several atheists on the forum for Catholic Answers who patiently answered similar questions repeatedly. Fear of myself was the reason that I clung to religion even when it made no sense. It is also why I tend to be gentle with religious people. I can sympathize with how strong and heavy that fear is.

Did any of you have similar feelings before you deconverted? Did any person help you overcome that fear? What did they say?

[Alex K]

Fortunately, my protestant upbringing was so milquetoast that I never feared myself, nor hell. German mainstream protestantism in general is nowadays very tame when it comes to that, and such negative aspects of human nature are barely emphasized. Catholicism around here was hell in my parents' generation, but not many of the formally members really take it all that seriously nowadays. However, I have observed some individuals in which it had a negative impact such as you describe also in my generation.

[Strider]

I never experienced what you described. I was taught fear though. When I was a little kid, I was mortified at the notion of hell. Even after I starting thinking that Christianity was a load of shit, I worried that something was wrong with me. I thought I didn't understand what other people seemed to easily grasp. What prompted this worry was a fear of burning in hell. The fear of hell is the most powerful grip Christianity has on people, especially for those who begin to question their beliefs.

Related to what you described though, I was led to believe that without god I was inherently bad somehow. I never really feared my own nature or thought about it though. If I had been older then perhaps I would have been able to fully consider that aspect.

[Jenny A]

My religious upbringing wasn't big on religion as a means of self restraint. It was more, everyone sins all the time (and if you define fleeting thoughts as sin, we all do) and therefore without god to forgive you you'll be racked by guilt during life and end up in hell. I didn't believe, but like all kids felt guilty (sometimes deservedly so) a fair amount. I decided in my teens though that guilt over thoughts was silly.

[Alex K]

I never experienced what you described. I was taught fear though. When I was a little kid, I was mortified at the notion of hell.

My dad (formally catholic, nowadays probably deist) spent many a night of his childhood awake because he was so afraid of going to hell. As a result of that, he furiously shot down anyone who dared even suggest to me that something like hell is real. I can't tell you how grateful I am.

[robvalue]

I'm a lifer so luckily I avoided this. It's another cheap controlling trick, to make you think you can't manage without religion, that it's the only thing keeping you in check. I've heard a lot of conversations with theists, and it's a common thing. Some of them literally say that if they left religion, they would go out and start murdering and raping people.

It's utter bullshit. No one does what the bible says anyway, as much as they may claim they do. They use their own morals to pick out the bits they like, then do those. So in fact, it has done nothing except provide you a "menu".

Sorry you had to go through that, it's fucking disgraceful that it's allowed to go on. Children should not be exposed to all this. You're not considered mature enough to watch a film with boobs in it, but it's OK to be told you're gonna burn FOREVER if you put a foot wrong, which you unavoidably will.

What does god do more of than anything else? Killing! Ordering killing! Sanctioning slavery and rape! The commandment of thou shalt not kill didn't even make the final draft!

I think we can do without a role model like that.

[LostLocke]

Yes, I was terrified of myself.
Most nights before going to sleep I had to check the closet and under the bed to make sure I wasn't hiding there.
It got so bad at one point I had to file a restraining order against me.

[robvalue]

Quick check, do you have a twin?

[Tonus]

When I was religious, I was taught to fear myself. Like everyone, I had moments of anger or negative thoughts about others that I never acted upon but my upbringing taught me that without god, I would go crazy and act on those thoughts.

I don't think I ever really thought about it from that perspective. I think that even the people who believe that 'without god we become immoral animals' are convinced that they are the exception to that rule.

I can recall that when a JW was disfellowshipped (or left the religion) people would immediately come back with reports about how his/her behavior had deteriorated into an immoral mess, to reinforce the idea that once you abandoned god, you would give yourself over to every hedonistic excess you could imagine. You know, like smoking cigarettes and wearing tight clothing (yay for fundamentalists!). In any case, it's a way of trying to keep people from straying, in case the threat of eternal punishment doesn't do the trick.

[robvalue]

Imagine if the rest of education was like that.

1+1=2. If you say it isn't, I'm going to torture you forever!

If what you're saying makes sense, you don't really need the second bit.