My girlfriend is a scientologist.... I'm not...

[Minimalist]

[Anomalocaris]

Have you ever brought these concerns up with her? If not, you really should. No relationship can survive if there isn't absolute honesty between both parties.

Even more fatal to happiness than lack of total mutual honesty in a relationship is the lack of honesty to oneself in a relationship.

You can be as honest you want to be with her, but if you are not honest to yourself about how she responds, it's a waste of time.

[Cato]

Please research PTS (Potential Trouble Source) and Disconnection! There are several places on the internet run by former Scientologists that provide information.

http://exscientologykids.com/disconnection/

Scientology has a documented track record of wrecking families, mostly through absolute ostracization of those leaving the church. Be careful with your liberal views regarding religion here. Scientology is not your run of the mill collection of people with similar unsubstantiated weird beliefs; it is a cult with programs designed to control its members' behavior. Those that do escape are often traumatized by the family upheaval; meaning even if your girlfriend were to give up how serious she considers the teachings and practices of Scientology, she may never fully detach due to the prospect of losing familial ties.

I wish you luck, but I fear someone is going to get hurt. Don't think for a second that these lunatics will abide by some future child non-indoctrination agreement. Cults don't work like that. Keep in mind that after two years, chances are pretty high that your girlfriend is having similar conversations about bringing you into the fold. Better level with her quick and assess exactly what you're dealing with.

[robvalue]

I also have experience of when you are really honest, but they are not, or not prepared to discuss certain things. It doesn't end well.

[Giorgos.vr]

Have you ever brought these concerns up with her?

Oh yes, you're right, but after two years if she's not open enough to him to expose and discuss the reasons she believes in such hooha, then she's not close enough to him anyway.

In all fairness I haven't brought up the subject of starting a family and how we can go about it.

We've had many "how on earth can you believe that crap?" conversations and they all end up with me hitting the aforementioned "wall".

I'll bring it up to her sooner than later as this is a very important matter to me but for the time being all I'm asking for is some kind of "debate arsenal" for when the time comes.

Has anyone ever dealt, preferably successfully, with scientologists before?

[Jackalope]

Has anyone ever dealt, preferably successfully, with scientologists before?

I wouldn't even both trying, inasmuch the same way I wouldn't debate a young earth crackpot with the goal of changing their mind.

You debate them for the benefit of the audience.

Scientology is a dangerous, evil cult.

Run.

[robvalue]

I have not dealt with any scientologists, but I have dealt with many religious types. And in 99% of cases, you are flogging a horse that is not only dead but buried a long time ago.

It's pretty straightforward, you ask for evidence. They either refuse and talk rubbish, or present something that is terrible evidence. You point out why the evidence is terrible, and then they go on to talking rubbish. In these scenarios, you can never have a meaningful debate.

I have to agree that pscyhotology is really bad from what I've heard, more dangerous than Christianity at the moment. If it were me I would get the hell out, especially after you've tried and failed to discuss it with her.

All that's left is practical discussions, but as has been said it's a scary thing which gets its claws in deep. Having read everything over again, I'd have to upgrade my advice to don't do it. Don't have kids with her.

[Spooky]

She is actively practicing scientology yes.

She was born into it, endoctrinated and stuck with it ever since.

Raising children is the only reason I would consider making this official and when it comes to that a "religion-free" family is my most important parameter as far as raising our children goes.

I'm not worried so much about external influences as I am worried about her views on the matter.

I have just begun putting some thought into this and I obviously discuss it with her as well... It's just that I fear I'll run into this "wall" again and I was hoping to prepare some kind of arsenal before I head into battle.

It sounds as if you've had this conversation already. And if it's a battle I'm afraid you already know the answer.

[vorlon13]

Yeah.

Doomed, the relationship is doomed.

[robvalue]

I'm very sorry I know it is hard to give up on something when you've put a lot of time and effort in. But to use a crass poker comparison, don't throw good money after bad. You're here in this situation now, and just have to decide what to do for the best.