My Conversion Story

[Rancid]

Hello This is a rather messy history but I'll do my best to organize it!

I grew up Catholic and lost my faith around age 12 after I found a website revealing many inaccuracies of the Bible. I don't recall what website that was, though I should've done more digging as I considered myself an Atheist for a little bit until I started jumping around to different religious beliefs. I still couldn't abandon the belief of a higher power completely. I went from Catholic to Atheist, to LaVeyan Satanism, to Paganism, then finally to a sort of "extremely spiritual but not religious" outlook. I stayed with that for a while, and I was really quite happy at that point. However, looking back on it, my stance was largely uneducated compared to what I know now.

What threw me back into searching for truth was when I finally came to terms with being a lesbian. I had a developed a huge crush on a girl at school, and I had this crazy idea that my devout Catholic sister (who knew I was a non-believer) would be able to just listen to my plight without telling our parents until I was ready.
Basically, word got out to my devout Catholic mother, who then went on to share the info within family. There was lots of anger and shouting that ultimately scared me back into seriously considering Catholicism. My mother asked me to just "open my mind to the possibility."

When I did that, everything became one big "what if?" I was in constant near panic about this for about a week, and I could hardly sleep because I feared going to hell unless I lived my life alone and devoted to Christ. And I knew well enough that that was not at all what I wanted, nor did I feel that was what had to happen, and I just couldn't bring myself to truly believe in the god of Catholicism anymore. But what if he DID exist, I wondered? The fear factor had quite a hold on me and made it difficult to think clearly for a while. It was also embedded in my mind that perhaps my fear was proof that Catholicism was true because I didn't want to accept the truth.
During this fearful time I did extensive research and prayed vehemently--the funny thing is that the closest I got to some holy message was stumbling across the website of a Catholic church that believes in gay marriage and LGBT rights. There came a point where I just got tired and overcame my constant fear, though it resurfaced briefly a couple times after. Regardless, I kept researching and I feel confident enough now to consider myself Atheist. I still haven't shared this with my family, they think I'm just rebellious/confused/etc. I would prefer to wait until I've moved out and am able to support myself before telling them.

[robvalue]

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I'm really sorry you have had to go through that. Your family should be looking out for you, not threatening you into conforming to their delusions. I'm glad that truth finally won out for you. Truth needs no threats or people preaching it.

This is a little bit of advice I picked up: if you're worried about the Catholic God existing and what he may do, how long have you spent worrying Allah is mad at you? Or Odin?

Religion is all just stories people have made up to control people. Sadly, it works. If you read what theists write on this site, you'll often see them performing mental contortions to desperately cling to their beliefs. Even if it means giving up their own intellectual honesty and humanity in the process.

I hope things will improve for you now, and that you can find many atheist friends who won't be judging you on 2000 year old warmongering standards.

It makes sense to hold off telling people until you're in a position to handle the possible fallout.

[Minimalist]

Was your devout Catholic mother also open to the possibility that her religion was a pile of shit?

Didn't think so. It's always a one way street with these clowns.

[Aoi Magi]

Congrats and kudos for your courage. I know how hard it is to break free of that religious mindset especially if you've been raised in a religious environment.
I think you made a wise decision in deciding to wait till you are independent before coming out to your family. In between if you need any kind of advice or moral support, we have some excellent people here.

I hope you'll have a very warm stay over here...

[pocaracas]

So Pascal's wager does work...who'd have thought?

[downbeatplumb]

Hello Rancid. Losty will be along with the biscuits (I believe the colonials call them cookies) shortly.

[Lucanus]

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry you had to put up with that crap.
Catholicism is as full of holes a religion as they come, you'll see there is no reason to even fear the hypothesis that it might be true.

Just read, read, read and inform yourself. Knowledge poisons religiosity.

[abaris]

Thanks for sharing. I grew up a catholic too, but I was lucky, since my parents were anything but devout. So I was free to become a non believer at a very young age. Being interested in science does that to you.

[KevinM1]

Welcome to the forums. I'm fairly new here myself, but I can say that this is a great group of people. You're clearly a smart, strong young woman, so you'll fit in nicely.

The fear you felt was natural. Christianity teaches people to be fearful of themselves, which is one of the big issues I have with it. There is nothing wrong with who you are or what you feel.

[Tonus]

Was your devout Catholic mother also open to the possibility that her religion was a pile of shit?

Didn't think so. It's always a one way street with these clowns.

Yep. They pretend that Pascal's Wager is just a shot in the dark, but they're 101% certain that their bet is on the right number.