Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: March 29, 2024, 12:35 am

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Advice for dating a Christian
#21
RE: Advice for dating a Christian
(January 7, 2015 at 6:18 am)Blackout Wrote:
(January 7, 2015 at 6:08 am)Alex K Wrote: One of my exes so far was Christian and I really felt uncomfortable with that. I have no advice. Of course american style dating is pretty harmless, so just go for it. The important thing is to be yourself from the beginning I think. If you're out of the closet and the topic comes up, I'd be honest, otherwise it'll just become awkward in the long run if the relationship works out...
What's the deal with American dating style?
That's a very good question. My impression (though I've only lived there for 2...3 years) is that these kinds of relations are at the same time more formalized and more pragmatic than in Europe. There is something like a rough industry standard of how couples initially meet, encapsulated in the concept "date". There is a standardized idea how dates usually go and how quickly they progress concerning intimacy, what with which things are appropriate on a first, second, third date. While this varies in particular depending on age of those involved, it does not seem to be arbitrary.
There are non-exclusive and exclusive variants, and initially dating is often non-exclusive. Much of these things have been captured in their cliché varieties in American pop culture such as Movies and TV Series and music.
All of this is very alien to me, and barely any (none of the more stable) of my relationships have started like this.
Quote: For some reason in my language there's no word "dating", it's just called "going out with someone", and when the two start calling each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, they form a pair and are called a "couple" (though with a different word)
Where are you from? Where I live it's the same.
Quote:The problem is I can't just be polite and try to work it out, I'll probably have to denounce BS on religion and that's why I can't be with someone with an irrational position - I won't lie. A deist would be fine as long as she was open minded I guess, but Christians hell no... When I started dating my girlfriend she was supposedly a Christian, though she never prayed, or read the bible or talked about god, it was just a childhood meaningless label without importance - And now that I've rented her a good novel from a native writer about atheism she is beginning to let go Catholicism and on her way to atheism or at least deism. However if we're talking about American style Christian then I'd never date that person, the kind of person who goes to church every week and keeps saying "I'll pray for you" or "God bless our love" - Sex ought to be boring, lol

Here's the thing: If you want to be a bit in your face like that, do it - but try to be charming about it, you know - with a sense of humor. You might even end up with a Christian woman who is having fun verbally sparring with you and teasing you about your atheism. Such a thing could have potential.
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

Reply
#22
RE: Advice for dating a Christian
If she is involved in church, most likely she'll have a number of morons misquoting shit like this to her, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" If she can shrug it off, and you don't mind the pressure her fellow cultists are likely to put on, then fuck it. A good woman is a good woman.
He who loves God cannot endeavour that God should love him in return - Baruch Spinoza
Reply
#23
RE: Advice for dating a Christian
Quote:That's a very good question. My impression (though I've only lived there for 2...3 years) is that these kinds of relations are at the same time more formalized and more pragmatic than in Europe. There is something like a rough industry standard of how couples initially meet, encapsulated in the concept "date". There is a standardized idea how dates usually go and how quickly they progress concerning intimacy, what with which things are appropriate on a first, second, third date. While this varies in particular depending on age of those involved, it does not seem to be arbitrary.
There are non-exclusive and exclusive variants, and initially dating is often non-exclusive. Much of these things have been captured in their cliché varieties in American pop culture such as Movies and TV Series and music.
All of this is very alien to me, and barely any (none of the more stable) of my relationships have started like this.
I've noticed that in series like HIMYM or American comedy/drama romantic movies. It always sounded weird - What does non exclusive and exclusive mean?
Quote:Where are you from? Where I live it's the same.
Portugal. I think all romantic languages deriving from latin have a word variant to describe the bonding relationship between a boyfriend and girlfriend, or boyfriend with boyfriend, or girlfriend with girlfriend (gay relationships) - Dunno if in other anglo-saxon languages like German that word exists, or even in asian languages - Japanese, Mandarin, Korean or even Russian

Quote:Here's the thing: If you want to be a bit in your face like that, do it - but try to be charming about it, you know - with a sense of humor. You might even end up with a Christian woman who is having fun verbally sparring with you and teasing you about your atheism. Such a thing could have potential.
I doubt it. But I accept the "advice". It is not only a problem with religion, but there's also the issue of misogynistic content in religion - For that reason I see no point in dating someone who is part of a cult that devalues them based on sex... It's just, a turn off... I have trouble dating people with extremely different ideologies from mine because I am very opinionated, but in contrast when I find such person I am extremely happy.
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you

Reply
#24
RE: Advice for dating a Christian
It simply means that you can have interspersed dates with different people without jealousy, and only at some point go "exclusive", concentrating on only one dating partner.

(January 7, 2015 at 7:48 am)Blackout Wrote: I doubt it. But I accept the "advice".
sorry if I sounded to presumptuous Smile
Quote: It is not only a problem with religion, but there's also the issue of misogynistic content in religion - For that reason I see no point in dating someone who is part of a cult that devalues them based on sex... It's just, a turn off...
I see, but in reality things are usually more complicated. The religion may have such content (ok they all do) but it may be largely ignored by her and her family.
Quote:I have trouble dating people with extremely different ideologies from mine because I am very opinionated, but in contrast when I find such person I am extremely happy.
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

Reply
#25
RE: Advice for dating a Christian
My advice would be that both of you agree to keep religion out of your conversations. Worked for me.
The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?

[Image: LB_Header_Idea_A.jpg]
Reply
#26
RE: Advice for dating a Christian
(January 5, 2015 at 8:49 pm)Lemonvariable72 Wrote: if it ever comes up I will be entirely honest with her, but I won't try to convert her.

If she believed in the 15th century water disease theory and didn't take baths or showers but preferred to wash herself only by scraping butter all over herself with a butter knife, would you say anything to correct her into modern day rational thought and science?

If she was an anti-vax nutter would you still be protecting her ignorance?

What makes her silly notion of spying god faeries worthy of protecting from your knowledge of reality?
Find the cure for Fundementia!
Reply
#27
RE: Advice for dating a Christian
(January 7, 2015 at 8:29 am)One Above All Wrote: My advice would be that both of you agree to keep religion out of your conversations. Worked for me.

For a few dates, sure. For a long term relationship? Really?
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

Reply
#28
RE: Advice for dating a Christian
(January 7, 2015 at 8:36 am)Alex K Wrote:
(January 7, 2015 at 8:29 am)One Above All Wrote: My advice would be that both of you agree to keep religion out of your conversations. Worked for me.

For a few dates, sure. For a long term relationship? Really?

Define "long term". I've had relationships with theists that lasted, on average, six months (with that "rule" in place). When we broke up, it was for different reasons.
The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?

[Image: LB_Header_Idea_A.jpg]
Reply
#29
RE: Advice for dating a Christian
(January 7, 2015 at 8:42 am)One Above All Wrote:
(January 7, 2015 at 8:36 am)Alex K Wrote: For a few dates, sure. For a long term relationship? Really?

Define "long term"

Hmm, I'd have said on average you somewhat know the other person after are year or two, YMMV
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

Reply
#30
RE: Advice for dating a Christian
(January 7, 2015 at 8:43 am)Alex K Wrote: Hmm, I'd have said on average you somewhat know the other person after are year or two, YMMV

It was my experience that discussing hot-button topics with someone you hope to have a long-lasting relationship with doesn't work. Not discussing them (within reason; I'll define this in the next paragraph) seemed like the logical option, given the ultimate goal you both share (a relationship).
Obviously, this excludes issues that, if left alone, will destroy the relationship. Religion isn't one of them, unless you're dating a fundy (in which case you're an idiot for seeking a relationship with them, IMO).
The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?

[Image: LB_Header_Idea_A.jpg]
Reply



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  How accurate is Radiometric Dating? jerrymass 44 3576 April 1, 2023 at 7:05 am
Last Post: Paleophyte
  Seeking meaningful advice from atheists Ad Astra 85 5158 May 15, 2022 at 12:49 pm
Last Post: h311inac311
  Atheists: I have tips of advice why you are a hated non religious dogmatic group inUS Rinni92 13 2776 August 5, 2020 at 3:43 pm
Last Post: Sal
  Fear of hell, advice please orthodox-man 120 24015 March 10, 2018 at 10:08 am
Last Post: Fake Messiah
  Just a bit of advice please MattyVigilante 17 2453 March 1, 2018 at 4:09 am
Last Post: SaStrike
  Your experiences dating religious people Casca 28 4319 October 31, 2016 at 8:33 pm
Last Post: Whateverist
  Need advice for going to college Won2blv 33 4428 September 19, 2016 at 12:26 pm
Last Post: The Grand Nudger
  I think my mother may be becoming an atheist, advice? IanHulett 22 5583 October 17, 2015 at 5:09 pm
Last Post: abaris
  Any advice on coming out to my parents? BitchinHitchins 26 6771 August 2, 2015 at 2:13 pm
Last Post: Jenny A
  atheist looking for advice jackriot100 56 9311 February 15, 2015 at 5:02 am
Last Post: emilynghiem



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)