Advice for dating a Christian

[Alex K]

One of my exes so far was Christian and I really felt uncomfortable with that. I have no advice. Of course american style dating is pretty harmless, so just go for it. The important thing is to be yourself from the beginning I think. If you're out of the closet and the topic comes up, I'd be honest, otherwise it'll just become awkward in the long run if the relationship works out...

What's the deal with American dating style?

That's a very good question. My impression (though I've only lived there for 2...3 years) is that these kinds of relations are at the same time more formalized and more pragmatic than in Europe. There is something like a rough industry standard of how couples initially meet, encapsulated in the concept "date". There is a standardized idea how dates usually go and how quickly they progress concerning intimacy, what with which things are appropriate on a first, second, third date. While this varies in particular depending on age of those involved, it does not seem to be arbitrary.
There are non-exclusive and exclusive variants, and initially dating is often non-exclusive. Much of these things have been captured in their cliché varieties in American pop culture such as Movies and TV Series and music.
All of this is very alien to me, and barely any (none of the more stable) of my relationships have started like this.

For some reason in my language there's no word "dating", it's just called "going out with someone", and when the two start calling each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, they form a pair and are called a "couple" (though with a different word)

Where are you from? Where I live it's the same.

The problem is I can't just be polite and try to work it out, I'll probably have to denounce BS on religion and that's why I can't be with someone with an irrational position - I won't lie. A deist would be fine as long as she was open minded I guess, but Christians hell no... When I started dating my girlfriend she was supposedly a Christian, though she never prayed, or read the bible or talked about god, it was just a childhood meaningless label without importance - And now that I've rented her a good novel from a native writer about atheism she is beginning to let go Catholicism and on her way to atheism or at least deism. However if we're talking about American style Christian then I'd never date that person, the kind of person who goes to church every week and keeps saying "I'll pray for you" or "God bless our love" - Sex ought to be boring, lol

Here's the thing: If you want to be a bit in your face like that, do it - but try to be charming about it, you know - with a sense of humor. You might even end up with a Christian woman who is having fun verbally sparring with you and teasing you about your atheism. Such a thing could have potential.

[Mudhammam]

If she is involved in church, most likely she'll have a number of morons misquoting shit like this to her, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" If she can shrug it off, and you don't mind the pressure her fellow cultists are likely to put on, then fuck it. A good woman is a good woman.

[Dystopia]

That's a very good question. My impression (though I've only lived there for 2...3 years) is that these kinds of relations are at the same time more formalized and more pragmatic than in Europe. There is something like a rough industry standard of how couples initially meet, encapsulated in the concept "date". There is a standardized idea how dates usually go and how quickly they progress concerning intimacy, what with which things are appropriate on a first, second, third date. While this varies in particular depending on age of those involved, it does not seem to be arbitrary.
There are non-exclusive and exclusive variants, and initially dating is often non-exclusive. Much of these things have been captured in their cliché varieties in American pop culture such as Movies and TV Series and music.
All of this is very alien to me, and barely any (none of the more stable) of my relationships have started like this.

I've noticed that in series like HIMYM or American comedy/drama romantic movies. It always sounded weird - What does non exclusive and exclusive mean?

Where are you from? Where I live it's the same.

Portugal. I think all romantic languages deriving from latin have a word variant to describe the bonding relationship between a boyfriend and girlfriend, or boyfriend with boyfriend, or girlfriend with girlfriend (gay relationships) - Dunno if in other anglo-saxon languages like German that word exists, or even in asian languages - Japanese, Mandarin, Korean or even Russian

Here's the thing: If you want to be a bit in your face like that, do it - but try to be charming about it, you know - with a sense of humor. You might even end up with a Christian woman who is having fun verbally sparring with you and teasing you about your atheism. Such a thing could have potential.

I doubt it. But I accept the "advice". It is not only a problem with religion, but there's also the issue of misogynistic content in religion - For that reason I see no point in dating someone who is part of a cult that devalues them based on sex... It's just, a turn off... I have trouble dating people with extremely different ideologies from mine because I am very opinionated, but in contrast when I find such person I am extremely happy.

[Alex K]

It simply means that you can have interspersed dates with different people without jealousy, and only at some point go "exclusive", concentrating on only one dating partner.

---

I doubt it. But I accept the "advice".

sorry if I sounded to presumptuous

It is not only a problem with religion, but there's also the issue of misogynistic content in religion - For that reason I see no point in dating someone who is part of a cult that devalues them based on sex... It's just, a turn off...

I see, but in reality things are usually more complicated. The religion may have such content (ok they all do) but it may be largely ignored by her and her family.

I have trouble dating people with extremely different ideologies from mine because I am very opinionated, but in contrast when I find such person I am extremely happy.

[One Above All]

My advice would be that both of you agree to keep religion out of your conversations. Worked for me.

[Brakeman]

if it ever comes up I will be entirely honest with her, but I won't try to convert her.

If she believed in the 15th century water disease theory and didn't take baths or showers but preferred to wash herself only by scraping butter all over herself with a butter knife, would you say anything to correct her into modern day rational thought and science?

If she was an anti-vax nutter would you still be protecting her ignorance?

What makes her silly notion of spying god faeries worthy of protecting from your knowledge of reality?

[Alex K]

My advice would be that both of you agree to keep religion out of your conversations. Worked for me.

For a few dates, sure. For a long term relationship? Really?

[One Above All]

My advice would be that both of you agree to keep religion out of your conversations. Worked for me.

For a few dates, sure. For a long term relationship? Really?

Define "long term". I've had relationships with theists that lasted, on average, six months (with that "rule" in place). When we broke up, it was for different reasons.

[Alex K]

For a few dates, sure. For a long term relationship? Really?

Define "long term"

Hmm, I'd have said on average you somewhat know the other person after are year or two, YMMV

[One Above All]

Hmm, I'd have said on average you somewhat know the other person after are year or two, YMMV

It was my experience that discussing hot-button topics with someone you hope to have a long-lasting relationship with doesn't work. Not discussing them (within reason; I'll define this in the next paragraph) seemed like the logical option, given the ultimate goal you both share (a relationship).
Obviously, this excludes issues that, if left alone, will destroy the relationship. Religion isn't one of them, unless you're dating a fundy (in which case you're an idiot for seeking a relationship with them, IMO).