Find Your Child A Mate

[abaris]

Ahhh courtship. I was never interested in courting. My parents loved that. They would say "a woman's heart should be so close to God, that a man must seek God in order to find her".

The real reason of this god being so obsessed with the urogenital tract probably originates in the old cultures where marriage was a commodity to be sold to the highest bidder. And since all the mediterranean cultures were strictly paternalistic, not being a virgin made you damaged goods that sold for a lesser price if at all.

Take away the woo and male pride is all that's left.

[rexbeccarox]

I knew you went through some shit, Losty, but I had no idea about the details. I'm so sorry.

[Losty]

I knew you went through some shit, Losty, but I had no idea about the details. I'm so sorry.

We are safe, the kids and I. We have encountered countless loving strangers religious and atheist alike that have opened their hearts and homes to us. We've been shown a lot of kindness and love in the last few years. More than I ever knew was available. Life sucks sometimes, but we are going to be just fine and I am going to show my children all the kindness and love and support that I wasn't given. That's what matters now. Thank you though

[Chad32]

I would think with that sort of background, you wouldn't find it funny about spanking jokes, and being a naughty girl.

Did your dad at least ask for the modern equivalent of five hundred silver before handing you over to your rapist?

[Losty]

I would think with that sort of background, you wouldn't find it funny about spanking jokes, and being a naughty girl.

Did your dad at least ask for the modern equivalent of five hundred silver before handing you over to your rapist?

Embracing my sexuality has given me more peace than I even know how to express to you. I'm not going to high jack this thread with the deep dark world of my inner mind and my sexuality. It's not a place you'd probably want to see anyways.
My father thinks that women are naturally manipulative. He probably thinks I'm the rapist for all I know.

Anyways, less about me.

I honestly think something should be done to protect kids from parents like this, but I don't have a lot of ideas on how we would go about it.

[Surgenator]

My wife's friend got divorced from an arranged marriage. The husband was an abusive fuck. She is pakistani where arranged marriages are a lot more common. I can answer some of the questions with this one anecdotal evidence.
1) Do they take the woman's happiness into question? Yes, but the focus is if the families would be happier if joined. The woman's happiness is secondary.
2) Do they encourage blind submissiveness? Yes. My wife's friend showed bruise marks to her parents only to be repaid with, "what did you do to upset him so much?"
3) What are the repercussions after a divorce? She was forced to move back with her parents with her child. The larger family see her as a tainted and avoid any contact with her. Her parents always encouraged to get back together with her abusive ex-husband.

Thankfully, she moved out of her parents and is doing a lot better.

People think that Muslims are so much worse than Christian fundamentalists. I don't know if I can agree. Let me see if I can compare my situation to your wife's friend.

I wasn't actually in an arranged marriage per say, no one cared about the 2 families joining. I was 16 when a 25 year old youth pastor slowly gently took my virginity in dark church during a teenage lock-in. I kept begging him to stop, but I didn't fight him. I was crying and saying it was wrong, but I didn't fight him. He confessed our sin to my parents and they insisted on marriage.

1) Did they take my happiness into account- they thought that securing my eternal soul was more important than my happiness on earth. They assured me that if I was a faithful wife, god would teach me to be happy in my marriage.
2) Did they encourage blind submissiveness? Yes, not only did I show my parents bruises, but I lost a pregnancy after a particularly harsh beating, and ultimately left my ex after he stabbed me when I was pregnant with our youngest child. I actually very timidly (I was fucking terrified), asked in a meeting with my ex and a marriage counselor (read as church elder posing as a marriage counselor) what I should do if I felt like my husband was raping me (he definitely was but I didn't want to be accusatory). He told me I should do whatever it takes to help my husband avoid adultery and pornography and that it was a shame that I would complain about my duties as a wife when my husband took such good care of me.
3)repercussions after divorce? I eventually had to run away and cut off all contact with everyone I knew because my family wouldn't stop trying to make me get back with my exhusband. They would go as far as threatening and black mailing me.

In America we are trained to believe that Islam is worse than Christianity at any and all levels. Muslims are more in the open and perhaps there are more of them, but Christian fundamentalism is pretty fucked up too. People try to turn a blind eye to it because it's hard to look at and we don't think it's our place to intervene. I disagree. What these people do to their children is wrong and it shouldn't be allowed. Not in any country or under any religious mask.

Holy fuck! You got stabbed. Your ex should be in prison for a long fucking time. Mad prompts on rebuilding your life and happiness. I've never suspected you went through something this horrible.

[Chad32]

That's what CPS is supposed to be for, but we can't let lawmakers put religious restrictions on human rights. An adult's beliefs shouldn't take precedence over a child's safety.

[robvalue]

My god Losty, I had no idea it was this terrible for you. I'm so sorry

I can't believe the way you have been treated, and that your parents went along with it. It's utterly sickening. You've been really brave and strong to break away and build your own life.

All these examples, and many other issues, are showing that people are putting religion (cults) ahead of their own families. And that it is thoroughly disgusting. You're right, Islam may be more obviously brutal, but Christianity is the abuser behind closed doors.

[Nope]

People think that Muslims are so much worse than Christian fundamentalists. I don't know if I can agree. Let me see if I can compare my situation to your wife's friend.

I wasn't actually in an arranged marriage per say, no one cared about the 2 families joining. I was 16 when a 25 year old youth pastor slowly gently took my virginity in dark church during a teenage lock-in. I kept begging him to stop, but I didn't fight him. I was crying and saying it was wrong, but I didn't fight him. He confessed our sin to my parents and they insisted on marriage.

1) Did they take my happiness into account- they thought that securing my eternal soul was more important than my happiness on earth. They assured me that if I was a faithful wife, god would teach me to be happy in my marriage.
2) Did they encourage blind submissiveness? Yes, not only did I show my parents bruises, but I lost a pregnancy after a particularly harsh beating, and ultimately left my ex after he stabbed me when I was pregnant with our youngest child. I actually very timidly (I was fucking terrified), asked in a meeting with my ex and a marriage counselor (read as church elder posing as a marriage counselor) what I should do if I felt like my husband was raping me (he definitely was but I didn't want to be accusatory). He told me I should do whatever it takes to help my husband avoid adultery and pornography and that it was a shame that I would complain about my duties as a wife when my husband took such good care of me.
3)repercussions after divorce? I eventually had to run away and cut off all contact with everyone I knew because my family wouldn't stop trying to make me get back with my exhusband. They would go as far as threatening and black mailing me.

In America we are trained to believe that Islam is worse than Christianity at any and all levels. Muslims are more in the open and perhaps there are more of them, but Christian fundamentalism is pretty fucked up too. People try to turn a blind eye to it because it's hard to look at and we don't think it's our place to intervene. I disagree. What these people do to their children is wrong and it shouldn't be allowed. Not in any country or under any religious mask.

Holy fuck! You got stabbed. Your ex should be in prison for a long fucking time. Mad prompts on rebuilding your life and happiness. I've never suspected you went through something this horrible.

And raped. The people who should have been most outraged, next to you, at your treatment should have been your parents. I can't help but imagine my daughters in your place and it makes me angry for you. It is a form of betrayal when parents don't protect their children.

I wish I could hug you, not that it makes anything better, I guess.

[Losty]

I'm not really big on hugs and touching, but I appreciate the sentiment.

---

That's what CPS is supposed to be for, but we can't let lawmakers put religious restrictions on human rights. An adult's beliefs shouldn't take precedence over a child's safety.

This exactly, but how can we make a change?