Find Your Child A Mate
March 5, 2015 at 11:41 am
(This post was last modified: March 5, 2015 at 12:08 pm by Nope.)
Courtship is a thing in my area. Once my daughter intended a male friend's invention to an AWANA meeting. She was annoyed that she was separated into male and female classes because she came with her friend and wanted to spend time with him. The teacher asked the girls when they thought they should date. My daughter raised her hand and gave the age her oldest brother started to date. The teacher informed her that she was wrong and should practice courtship instead.
If you do a google search on Christian courtship and the words; father involved or father led, it is interesting to read the articles that you can find. Arranged marriages are followed by a minority among American Christians but online you can find a lot of blogs by people who support arranged marriages. Most of these articles also mention emotional purity. The belief is that the man and woman should somehow refrain from thinking any romantic thought about anyone until they are betrothed. Imagine how confusing for a young woman to be taught to always control her emotions and not even think romantically about a man to be suddenly told that her dad has found someone for her. Even if she is asked her opinion, how will she understand what she feels if she has never been allowed to consider any man as a romantic interest? How would you even know that you are attracted to the opposite sex until after you are married?
Sorry, this is a long thread post. I quickly found quotes from three different sources as examples of arranged marriages among modern American Christians but I could have used a lot more. We tend to ignore the dangers of fundamentalist Christianity in the USA but it is harmful to its adherents and some of the thinking on gender roles is very similar to what we hear from Muslim extremists groups.
http://www.homemakerscorner.com/spousep1.htm
and
http://www.achristianhome.org/ISSUES_Chr...0work4.htm
and
http://iblp.org/questions/how-does-courtship-work
If you do a google search on Christian courtship and the words; father involved or father led, it is interesting to read the articles that you can find. Arranged marriages are followed by a minority among American Christians but online you can find a lot of blogs by people who support arranged marriages. Most of these articles also mention emotional purity. The belief is that the man and woman should somehow refrain from thinking any romantic thought about anyone until they are betrothed. Imagine how confusing for a young woman to be taught to always control her emotions and not even think romantically about a man to be suddenly told that her dad has found someone for her. Even if she is asked her opinion, how will she understand what she feels if she has never been allowed to consider any man as a romantic interest? How would you even know that you are attracted to the opposite sex until after you are married?
Sorry, this is a long thread post. I quickly found quotes from three different sources as examples of arranged marriages among modern American Christians but I could have used a lot more. We tend to ignore the dangers of fundamentalist Christianity in the USA but it is harmful to its adherents and some of the thinking on gender roles is very similar to what we hear from Muslim extremists groups.
http://www.homemakerscorner.com/spousep1.htm
Quote:Mothers, you should not leave your kids to "make their own choice" in this matter either. If this is not your husband's and your custom, you need to discuss this with your husband. This is altogether too important. If you are a young lady that is not married, you should seek your parents' counsel in this matter. If your parents are not godly, then you must seek counsel from older, wiser saints who are following the Lord faithfully. Proverbs 11:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety
and
Quote:We heard of a missionary family that actually came home from Africa because the African fellows where they were working were showing too much interest in their daughters who had arrived at womanhood. This was a matter of not marrying across national boundaries. Some of the African fellows may have been good men, but they were not suitable in these folks' opinion because of the cultural bounds that God has established.
http://www.achristianhome.org/ISSUES_Chr...0work4.htm
Quote:She must have a dowry
In Jewish culture, both parties had a dowry. Today, this would mean that a husband could probably buy a house whilst his wife could probably furnish it (full amount of three years wages each). [Romans 13:7-8] The responsibility for the wife's dowry lay with her father, ie. it was his blessing on their marriage.
and
Quote:After betrothal comes the commitment to marriage. When the commitment to marriage has been made, the couple are free to express their emotions. Up until this point, they should hide their feelings in their hearts, avoiding expressions such as "I love you" and "I will miss you" which naturally evoke emotional responses.
http://iblp.org/questions/how-does-courtship-work
Quote:When a man senses God leading him to pursue marriage with a particular woman, he should seek counsel from God-given authorities. In most cases, he will consult his parents, but in some situations, such as in the absence of parents due to death, other Godly mentors such as a pastor may fill this role of counselor.
As God’s direction to pursue courtship is confirmed through the man’s authorities, through insights from God’s Word, and through prayer, he should contact the woman’s father to request permission to initiate the courtship. Only when the woman’s father has given the man his blessing to enter into a courtship relationship with his daughter is the man free to focus on winning her affections.
