I'm in Love with a Theist

[Whateverist]

Or here is another approach. Being as we're atheists and not accountable to god (who pisses us off so much), why not just use this hot babe for a while and then dump her if her religion starts to grate on you?














[j/k]

[Brometheus]

I am married to a Christian. It causes some headache raising the kids.

[Minimalist]

I foresee a mother-in-law from hell in your future.
Apart from that, be with the person that makes you happy... and if it makes her happy to be with you, then you have a plus!

I agree with Poke.  Your future MiL is going to be a problem and, it sounds like, she would be even if she didn't have religion as a cause.   My MiL drove my wife closer to my family and religion had nothing to do with it.  She was just a pain in the ass.

Good luck.

[KevinM1]

At the end of the day, the question is really whether the two of you can respect each other if you don't change for the other.  Can you respect and love her if she remains a devout Christian?  Can she respect and love you with your atheism?  Can the two of you come to a consensus about how to raise kids (if you want them at all)?

If the answer to any of them is 'no', then she's not the one.  Which sucks and will hurt, but it's better to know now before you're married with a few kids and contemplating divorce.

There are, of course, other mitigating factors, like in-laws, but if you can't have a foundation of trust and respect in your own future household, then none of that matters.

Regarding your actual talk with her, don't do anything dumb like giving her an ultimatum.  That's the surefire way to end the relationship whether you want to or not.  Instead, talk with her.  Explain your doubts and concerns and your love for her.  A long term relationship is a partnership.  While you feel that atheism is the right choice for you (and that you hope she respects you enough to accept that), you're not going to try to de-convert her because you also respect her choices, even if you don't necessarily agree with them.  Couples don't need to agree with each other on everything.  They do need to respect each other's positions, communicate openly and truthfully, and ultimately come to an agreement on how things should be run.

Basically, just be aware of your tone and how you frame things.  This isn't a hostage negotiation.  Talk with her, not to her.  Give her time and space to explain her thoughts and feelings.  Be calm if possible.  And don't be accusatory.  If you go in complaining about how weird you think her family is, and how you think her mom is being a bitch, and how you love her despite her theism, you're sunk.  Nothing good comes from traveling down the road of "Look at what's wrong with you!"

Beyond that, good luck.

[ignoramus]

Mother in law from hell ...and devout to boot! where's the "eject" button!
She will make it her mission to make your life miserable...

time to read the riot act, you've got nothing to lose now. (your girlfriend will always put her mother before you if it comes to the crunch...)
Unless of course, she can grow some big cahunas very quickly...

[vorlon13]

I'm probably not one to talk about love, but my feelings for John were not blunted by his Catholicism, his 95% heterosexuality score, his obvious (mutual) love for his wife or his 600 mile distance from me.

And knowing to a mathematical certainty full well any attempt on my part to actualize anything with him would be an unmitigated disaster for all 3 of us is barely sufficient to keep me from trying.

And having typed all that, he shows up on my doorstep tomorrow, even in a persistent vegetative state, and I'd care for him the rest of his life, no questions asked.


The heart has it's reasons of which reason knows naught.



Still, I cannot advise anyone to proceed with anything obviously 'doomed' from the start.

[Whateverist]

I cannot advise anyone to proceed with anything obviously 'doomed' from the start.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Speak your mind to your gal, and let the devil take the hindmost. Either she'll understand and work with you, in which case you know you've got a keeper, or she'll split, in which case you've saved the both of you wasted time.

[paulpablo]

I've had casual relationships with people who identified themselves as Christians, Muslim and hindu.

The muslim girl used to ask me to learn more about Muhammad.  She knew I'd never believe in it properly but did ask me if I'd do a fake conversion if me and her were to get more serious.  I probably would because she was very attractive and good in bed but it was the geographical distance between us that made me have to break up with her in the end.

The Christian girls got pretty angry about any disbelief, I think they were both emotionally attached to the idea of god because of recently dead relatives, neither of them went to church or anything.

I never went into detail about the hindus beliefs, she just said something about Muslims thinking they're better than her family because they're hindus or something.

In a long term situation, say if I did carry on seeing the girl who believed in Muhammad being a prophet, I can't see it would have been a problem unless we had kids.
I don't mind not talking about evolution and the quran being man made if I'm not asked about it and it's not a big factor in life, but kids ask a lot of questions and if they're asking me about Adam and Eve, the quran and evolution I couldn't not tell them my firm opinion that the first two are bullshit and the third is scientifically proven.

Religious families don't tend to run with the philosophy of just letting the kids hear the facts about everything then make their own minds up, it's usually a case of telling them to believe or they will burn.

[Mister Agenda]

I'm 53. If I held out for an atheist i'd still be a virgin.