Atheist house rules?

[KevinM1]

1. Wake up
2. Do stuff
3. Maybe masturbate
4. Sleep

[TubbyTubby]

I like this, here's mine

Weekdays only this time.

6am - If wife not on night shift try my chance for a quickie. Thems the rules bitch.

6am - If wife on night shift and due to arrive home soon then knock one off using whatever images I've stored in the wank bank previous day.

6:30 am - Life is meaningless.from here to about 3:30pm at work so no rules apply.

4pm(ish) - Kids must be prepared for an onslaught of piss taking, sarcasm and all things that make me feel better as I return to reality. Fuck em, I made em and paid for em. I insist on payback. If I manage to pin one of em down and fart on their back, I'm happy. They tend to try and do this in return though, not good. But what can I do.

6pm - Eat.

7pm - Wife sleeps before night shift.

7:05 onwards - No rules, chaos from here on in.

Updates for weekends coming cos I got a shit load of rules for that.

[rexbeccarox]

Let's see... house rules...

The cat is absolutely not allowed to jump on top of my dresser, knocking all of my accessories to the ground...

... no; that one's unenforceable; I've tried to ground her, but she does what she wants anyway. Damn cats.

The dog is absolutely not allowed to eat the cat's puke...

... oh, wait.

I must wash my sheets once a week...

... hey! I found one!

My atheist household rule: wash my sheets once a week... if I want to.

Dammit. I have absolutely no rules.

[TubbyTubby]

Dammit. I have absolutely no rules.

I salute you.

[Pyrrho]

The rules in my house.

1: Wake up.
2: Don't die before 1 or after 3
3: Go to sleep.

1. Wake up
2. Do stuff
3. Maybe masturbate
4. Sleep

You guys live under fascist rules with heavily regimented lives.  Furthermore, when are you drinking?  Jesus fucking christ, if you are going to have any rules, you should have something like, IF you wake up and get up, then start the day with a screwdriver or some other worthwhile project.  Fuck, I never have it as a rule that I wake up.  What is wrong with you people?

[Jackalope]

My house rules?

Don't be a dick.

Make yourself at home. There's beer and weed, help yourself, but don't be greedy.

Don't harsh my mellow.

No really, don't be a dick.

Welp, that about sums it up.

[Minimalist]

As you know, I love to dip into the christian forum site now and again to see how they're progressing and just saw a 'house rules' thread and one particular post that astounded me to be honest. It reads like something from a hundred years past...

http://www.christianforumsite.com/thread...les.42981/

" My rules as follows: 

5am Lord's Prayer

5:30am Breakfast

All cleaning to be done prior to going to work

All meals to be organised before leaving the house so food prep can be bought

Permission to leave the table after eating

In my house, no-one leaves the table until I have finished eating

Bible study 6pm in the evening for 1hour

Washing to be done on Sunday's

There are more which will come to mind later. 

I don't have children so no rules for that as of yet."

WTF! What goes on inside these peoples minds, fucking hope he/she never has children.

My kids wash the pots and tidy up and make themselves useful but I'll never fuck them up with shit like this. Fucking retards.

(disclaimer - Friday night = drink night = swearing like a fucker)

Anal retentive asswipe, isn't he/she.

[Jackalope]

The rules in my house.

1: Wake up.
2: Don't die before 1 or after 3
3: Go to sleep.

1. Wake up
2. Do stuff
3. Maybe masturbate
4. Sleep

You guys live under fascist rules with heavily regimented lives.  Furthermore, when are you drinking?  Jesus fucking christ, if you are going to have any rules, you should have something like, IF you wake up and get up, then start the day with a screwdriver or some other worthwhile project.  Fuck, I never have it as a rule that I wake up.  What is wrong with you people?

I would totally buy your self-help book if you wrote one.

[Pyrrho]

You guys live under fascist rules with heavily regimented lives.  Furthermore, when are you drinking?  Jesus fucking christ, if you are going to have any rules, you should have something like, IF you wake up and get up, then start the day with a screwdriver or some other worthwhile project.  Fuck, I never have it as a rule that I wake up.  What is wrong with you people?

I would totally buy your self-help book if you wrote one.

I would consider writing such a book, but it would interfere with my drinking.  A Pulitzer Prize just isn't enough of a reward for drinking less.  Indeed, I consider all Pulitzer Prize winners as failures at drinking enough.  Every famous person is a failed drunkard, who has wasted part of his or her life in becoming famous, when that time could have been usefully spent drinking.  It makes me sad and feel sorry for them, that they have wasted their lives by not drinking more.

The difficult decisions of my day involve whether I will be drinking beer, wine, Scotch, cognac, some other alcoholic beverage, or some combination of these.  Today it has been wine followed by cognac.  Don't go too cheap, or you will regret it!

But I will give you this bit of wisdom:  I have NEVER had a bad day that started with a screwdriver.  I recommend good quality orange juice and good vodka, to start the day properly.  If you need specific recommendations, if there is a Trader Joe's near you, I like their organic OJ (not the stuff with added calcium).  And I like Ketel One vodka (for screwdrivers; for drinking straight, there is a potato vodka I rather like).  Basically, you want an orange juice not from concentrate that tastes good on its own, and a vodka that has little taste, over ice.  It is quite refreshing and helps one have a good outlook on the day ahead.  The only other start of a day that can compare is having sex.  Then, of course, one can have a screwdriver, to make a good day even better.

Remember, a day without drinking is a wasted day.

[Jackalope]

^^^ This frood knows where his towel is. ^^^