Coming to terms with not finding romantic love

[Exian]

Dude, and you know what? That's probably best at your age. Which isn't to say you're a kid or anything, but you ought to take some time to establish yourself. Because its a whole helluva lot harder to establish yourself once you have kids (you know- the thing that happens after you have all that fun), and then end up single. If you got kids, you ain't single.

I say you're doing the right thing, but with the wrong mindset. You don't have to come to terms with shit yet. And believe me, you'll know when you have to come to terms with something. Just recognize that you still have options.

[ignoramus]

Sorry dyre, I genuinely thought someone's posting on your behalf because of poor grammar.
Then I realised you rarely capitalise your "i".

My bad...
Good luck man.... seriously...

[dyresand]

This had me thinking at my last break up its like... wait why the fuck am i trying anymore. 
More or less its like you know i could waste my life looking or i could be doing things i want to.
I chose have fun and do things you like road rather than a drama filled one.

And what's to say you won't find someone doing the things you enjoy? Surely the odds are you're more likely to meet someone you hit off with at a venue with like minded people?

You might be surprised, sometimes relationships can crop up when you least expect them. While I was studying I worked part time at a bookstore owned by ultra-conservative Christians and ended up after a few months into it slowly teasing their son and now also my partner out of the closet, which they're still mad over and cost me a pretty good student job.

It may sound strange but don't worry so much about it, sure dating sites are always an option but you might find such opportunities pop up of their own accord. If you're comfortable in how you are the rest follows, and while it might not even seem a good idea you may well still want to chase it up anyway.

Highly unlikely more or less i'm a network admin i pretty much tell my underlings to go fuck off off and fix things in a nice way.

[dyresand]

I actually think looking for love makes it harder to find, because you're forcing it.

I said this in another post on a similar thread on this forum a while ago, but I'll repeat because it's relevant here. If you walk into the situation with your cards on the table making it clear you want a relationship, it won't happen. People are turned off by that, they just want to enjoy getting to know you and then, if it feels right, a relationship will happen naturally. Building a relationship takes time, you don't just meet someone, have 5 dates and call it love. It's a long match-making process and it takes time.

I'm 21 and I've never had a serious relationship. I dated guy after guy after guy looking for a relationship until what I just said hit me; people are turned off by the thought of commitment, they're not going to commit to something when they barely know you. You have to get to know people and see if you are compatible before anything like that is going to happen.

They're also turned off by baggage and lack of confidence. Nobody wants a relationship with someone they have to babysit and piece together, it's a romantic thought that we see in movies but it doesn't happen in real life. In reality, people are drawn to confident people who have their shit together.

I'm not really looking for a relationship now, because I got fed up of looking and I just want to work on myself and enjoy being free and un-attached. The irony... everyone suddenly took interest again once I started doing that, and it's because me being emotionally unavailable and focusing on myself is a more attractive me than a desperate clingy me.

I don't force it i just quit looking for it recently more or less i need to be happy and i am now.

[dyresand]

Sorry dyre, I genuinely thought someone's posting on your behalf because of poor grammar.
Then I realised you rarely capitalise your "i".

My bad...
Good luck man.... seriously...

Yeah when i am programming mindset I usually have my grammar in line at other times however..... yeah it's terrible.

[robvalue]

I'm sorry for the upset you've been through my friend.

It's not a decision you have to make now, that either you keep pursuing all the time or you give up forever. You never know when the right person may unexpectedly turn up in your life I had similarly given up like you, many years ago, and wrote myself off.

It's great to focus on just being happy yourself, and comfortable on your own. I think this makes for a stronger relationship eventually anyhow, if one comes around.

[Silver]

I am thirty-five and I have given up trying to find someone.

Of course, it is also harder for gay men like me. For straight people, it is automatically assumed that everyone in the world is straight and it is easier to approach others. For gay men, we always find ourselves being defeated time and time again because all the men we encounter are straight.

After all, the gay bar and online dating is not a solution.

[KevinM1]

I am thirty-five and I have given up trying to find someone.

Of course, it is also harder for gay men like me. For straight people, it is automatically assumed that everyone in the world is straight and it is easier to approach others. For gay men, we always find ourselves being defeated time and time again because all the men we encounter are straight.

After all, the gay bar and online dating is not a solution.

35 here, too. Straight, but with the kind of physical disability that would scare just about any woman off. It sucks to see everyone else around me in a committed relationship knowing that I'll likely never have one of my own.

EDIT: Just to be clear, I'm not attempting to one up you or anyone else in the lovelorn department. Quite the opposite, in fact. I'm merely trying to say that I understand the frustration of having no real romantic options present at all.

[dyresand]

I am thirty-five and I have given up trying to find someone.

Of course, it is also harder for gay men like me.  For straight people, it is automatically assumed that everyone in the world is straight and it is easier to approach others.  For gay men, we always find ourselves being defeated time and time again because all the men we encounter are straight.  

After all, the gay bar and online dating is not a solution.

I'm bisexual and well being as it may and being in a bible state it sucks...

[Longhorn]

But you know, try to focus on what makes you happy. Be yourself, don't stress and enjoy life. Don't try hard to find love. It'll come to you. Happiness is attractive.

I know how you feel. I want to give up, too, but I'm too naive to stop hoping.