I had a mental breakdown

[Longhorn]

Rob. Rob.

[Exian]

Take pictures, Rob! Have your "wife" take them.

Side note: Your wife's existence is so questionable that a small community here in Ohio has started to worship her.

[ReptilianPeon]

Sounds terrible. And religionists have the audacity to claim that their favourite deity is simply "testing" you. I know that if I was a god I would not allow this to happen. I could design a better universe with my eyes closed probably.

[rexbeccarox]

Rob

[Rhondazvous]

Thanks guys, I appreciate it a lot

Just being able to think somewhat straight today and not feel like someone else has remote control over me is a relief. It's an experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. My therapist is going to be shocked, we were talking about bringing our sessions to a close. I hope this is a one-off that I can put behind me however, and still stay on course.

It was probably the culmination of a lot of factors and my mind had to go ape shit for a bit just to let off some steam. I don't know.

Rob,

That's terrible thing to go through. I give you a million kudos for having the strength to bounce back, and to your wife also.

Is it possible that some part of you did not want to close your theraphy sessions and the relapse of chron's disease was just your body's way of ensuring that wouldn't happen? Sometimes the subconscious expresses itself through our bodies. Just like when we're sad our tear ducts secrete tears and when we're afraid our whole nervous system gets the shakes.

Just something to consider. You and I were just talking the other day. Wow. I'm glad that we are here fore you even if we live miles away.

[Rhondazvous]

Ash:

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Thank you. Yes, I can't believe the way she acted. I'm on the verge of lodging a complaint. My wife overheard her say to another nurse, "He can't be seen sooner by the doctor because he's throwing a strop." She actually thought I was putting it on to get seen quicker. But I wasn't even asking to be seen, I was just losing my shit. My wife and I both told her that I have serious depression (as far as I could communicate during this) but she just ignored us. I really think that with a more sympathetic nurse, my breakdown would have been at least shortened.

Am I glad I'm still here? Not really, but it's bearable again at least. That's all I can hope for at this stage in my life. I'm still extremely ill and I may never get better. But one day I might, and that's what I would have lost. I would still stand by my decision to end it though at the time, because it's still fresh in my mind the level of mental anguish I was feeling. And it honestly felt like it was the beginning of the end.

Now I'm back in control suicide is off the table as per my promise In some ways I often feel like a very weak person, but when I look at what I've endured in my life I feel like I must have a lot of strength.

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Ignor:

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Yes, I highly suspect I'm genetically vulnerable to depression. My family tree is riddled with it. I had a suicidal bout of it when I was younger, in my twenties. I was still living at home and the way my parents were treating me had slowly marched me to the edge without me realising it. One day I cracked, but not quite in the same way as at the hospital. I found myself paralysed. I couldn't find the motivation to move at all. I couldn't see the point. Not just philosphically, my body actually refused to believe there was any point. It took me half an hour or so to be able to move again, and I realized I had serious problems. I had therapy for a year and a half, during which I uncovered the trigger for my depression, my parents. By realising I was the victim rather than the cause, as my parents would have me believe, I was able to recover.

When I managed to move out, the depression virtually disappeared overnight and I felt in paradise.

It kept away since then, until I got ME about 8 years ago. Then it returned with a vengeance, and put me through hell. My life had been shattered, I was left with clear memories of all the things I used to be able to do that I no longer could, which was pretty much everything. I've been fighting it ever since, and it's only made worse by the Crohn's. Depression and mental anguish I can only describe as a kind of pain which digs deeper than any physical kind, right into your brain.

As logical as I try to be normally, when depression grips me that hard, I'm powerless. Thankfully this incident was a blip (albeit a massive one) in my recent battle against depression which I feel I have been winning thanks to my therapy. I haven't ridded myself of it, as is quite apparent, but just managed to keep in control.

---

You may know that I was profoundly deaf for 12 years before the operation that restored my hearing. For 12 years, I had no hope of ever being able to hear again. Six years into that 12 years, I slipped into legal blindness. One day, I was walking down Los Angeles Street thinking that if I lost all my sight I would not want to live. What would be the point—unable to hear or see but still able to think and feel? It would be like being a master swimmer who can’t float. Just then, the sidewalk curved in for the bus stop and a fell over the curb and found myself on my hands and knees in the middle of a busy downtown Los Angeles thoroughfare. The way I scrambled back up on the sidewalk I knew I didn’t want to die all that badly.

I can’t tell you what to do with your life, Rob, but I hope you find more joy than pain.

[emjay]

I'm so sorry Rob, it breaks my heart to see all the pain you have to go through in your life and the hell you've just been through   But I hope you know that you've always got me and many other friends on this site who love you, are here for you, and are wishing you well   

[brewer]

Glad you've got a supportive wife Rob. If my wife was in that situation, I'd have to check her constantly for concealed frying pans just for my own self preservation. HAH.

Have you laughed today?

[SteelCurtain]

I, for one, think you've over-exerted yourself with all the unblockable moves. You really have to pace yourself, Rob.

If you have a glowing fist for more than four hours, you really should see a doctor next time. I know your wife likes it, but the cost...

[robvalue]

Thanks so much everyone You're really kind. I'm feeling pretty good this morning, and you all lift my mood even more! I had a great day out yesterday, I shall tell you all about it later on.

Neim: Thanks for the lovely hug

Exian: That made me belly laugh She'll be pleased to know she's achieving such status I did take some pictures yesterday, although they didn't come out great. I'll have to see if I can get them off my phone onto the computer. I keep trying to collect more evidence for my wife's existence, but it's difficult. If I take a photo of her, she always disappears from the picture, like the camera can't see her. I'll figure something out...

NoMoreProp: Yes indeed. I am glad none of our resident theists have tried to insert Jesus into my arse in this thread. I have enough problems up there already.

Becca: Thank you

Rhonda: I really appreciate it, thanks so much I'm trying to give myself the same credit, and the fact that I have bounced back is really reassuring to me. It's possible my body is fucking with me I suppose, they are such strange things. I wouldn't say it is likely, although I can't rule it out! I feel a little anxious about my therapy ending soon, but it's balanced by the excitement of actually being mentally stable enough for it to be able to end on a good note! I'm so glad you continued to find reasons to want to live, you've done amazingly well. I hope life keeps on giving nice things to you "Checking out" is definitely off the table for me now, I hope I have reassured everyone of that. It was an extremely disturbing and dangerous experience, but it was actually only 15 minutes my wife tells me, and it was a blip; I'm sure of that now. I actually fell stronger than before!

Brewer: Thank you, yes she is just amazing. For all the bad luck I've had with health, I hit the jackpot with her. She knows I'm back to being myself, and so I'm allowed to hold heavy and sharp objects again I have indeed laughed today and yesterday too! I had a brilliant day which I'll write all about later on.

Steel: Oh shit, you're right! I charged up a special move the other day, and I must have got distracted and forgot to release it. It's still glowing now. I'm scared to do the punch though, it will be millions of points of unblockable damage... I might rupture the universe!?