Beliefs, Significant Others and Compromises

[Bob Kelso]

I got married today, and it was absolutely perfect (imo) but there was one thing that got me thinking tonight and since I'm too amped up to sleep I thought I'd come visit the forum about it. 

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If you had differing beliefs with your partner, would you allow or participate with the religious aspects of their choice at important events? 

I did. The man that officiated our wedding is a deep south minister whose personality can best be described as having that classic black church soul 24/7-if you've ever seen a predominately black church ceremony then you know what I'm on about- who was genuinely one of the nicest guys I've ever met. He was accepting of my lack of belief, and never once gave me the feeling that he was being judgmental. We discussed how the ceremony would go down and I gave the go ahead for my wife to have whatever religious references she wanted. 

For clarification; she's what I'd call a Christian Deist who masquerades as a True Christian® to keep certain people in her family from having a conniption fit that she doesn't believe as she does. I don't agree with the charade but it's her choice. 

As I see it, she included the religious aspects to please the vast majority of our friends and family and I'm fine with that. They're her beliefs (sort of) and since I don't see it as any skin off my bones I didn't mind. My only stipulation was that I wouldn't personally invoke any gods, and that I wasn't spoken for in that manner by the pastor (who readily respected my line in the sand). 

Would you have done the same? Why or why not?


Note: pardon me if this isn't worded in a proper fashion, I'm a bit tipsy.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Love is in part about compromise. If our love was deep enough, I would compromise.

[IATIA]

My brother is an atheist as strong as me and his wife is a church going gal. He does not participate in any religious activities and she does not ask him to do so. This has worked for some odd twenty years. Their compromise is that they do not try to convert each other.

[Aoi Magi]

You know the truth and that's all there's to it. It shouldn't be a big deal to play along with minor nuances to keep your loved ones happy. Besides, you are married and that in itself is the grand-daddy of all compromises

[Whateverist]

Love is in part about compromise. If our love was deep enough, I would compromise.

Or if she was really hot.

[thehedglin]

Sounds like I probably would have. However, I would have let her know that such compromises would not extend to any children we had. My concern wouldn't be so much for us adults, but any children we had. The wedding day is really the wife's day, and would have readily let her have that her way, but I would make sure my partner knew that compromises are mutual, and that I would expect her to respect my wishes not to have what I perceive as bullshit shoveled into their head long before they are even able to think for themselves.

[Cecelia]

Congratulations on getting married!

Compromise is very important. I think it's okay for people to practice things they don't necessarily believe in for the sake of someone they love. My brother got married in a church because his wife's family pushed that they get married in one. My brother doesn't really believe in god much himself, but he agreed to it because even though he and his wife didn't want to marry in a church, they did it for her family. I'd say one of the good things about a lack of belief is that you don't have to worry about doing something against your beliefs resulting in some divine punishment. Of course it's good to have boundaries. Committing an oath to a god you don't believe in can feel like fraud.

My husband and I share beliefs, but we both agree to keep it on the downlow because he has family that think the worst of Atheists. Granted, I wouldn't really call it a charade because it's not like we go to church or say "Praise God" or anything like that. We just don't mention that we don't believe around his family. Sometimes it's easier that way when dealing with family. Many believers aren't understanding, and people don't want to cut ties. Even if it doesn't seem like it's worth it in the end. It really depends on how far you have to go. Everyone has their limits. That's why compromise is important. Both sides have to find an area where neither side is pushed past their limits.

I hope you and your wife have a long and happy marriage!

[Wyrd of Gawd]

There are two times when people can tell convincing lies. One is when they get married. By the time they get divorced the attitude is that the other person is a true child of hell.

Good luck and best wishes. You can make it if you work together. Remember, you both swore to forsake all others and that includes your children, parents, friends, and former lovers.

You should always pick a fight, not a violent one, with the person before getting married to see how they respond. After all, you're going to be living in close quarters with the person and it's best to know if the person is nuts before you say "I do".

[Minimalist]

Never faced that problem, man.  My wife thinks religion is as fucking stupid as I do.

[Minimalist]

Oh, and congratulations.