Feeling pretty gutted

[MTL]

you guys are so sweet.

Thank you for respecting my privacy, yet allowing me to vent.

the story is very long, and it would probably sound rather adolescent at times.

There are people in the world facing far worse than I am facing;

my problem boils down to the fact that I sacrificed far too much, for far too long,
for people who didn't appreciate it,

and a jealous, wildly insecure, warped younger sister
who perceives anything good that happens for me as a threat to herself;

and no number of olive branches extended to her at the end of my arm
will ever salve whatever sore she is nursing against me.

In short, I care too much and I give FAR too many fucking chances.

But even the cyber-support of my friends here,
...and cyber-hugs...
help more than you think

...and this bottle of Sauvignon Blanc that I just scored won't hurt, either.

[MTL]

WOOT!!!  My HABS just beat my sister's Pens!!!  : PPPP

GO HABS GO!!!

[Violet]

I don't have a therapist....that's why I've venting to you guys, lol.

What I need, at this point, is a lawyer.

Thank you for your kind words, Violet.  It helps.

Well, you should get yourself a therapist... everyone needs a therapist... but most especially people going through shit like this. Even if (when?) you get a lawyer... get a therapist too

Your psychological and emotional health are probably worth it, MTL. I think they are, at least.

[Silver]

Your sister sounds like a bitch you need to slap across the face really hard.

[robvalue]

The fact that you care is what makes you a nice person. I'm glad we've been able to help a little, please keep on writing to us, we're here for you

[MTL]

Your sister sounds like a bitch you need to slap across the face really hard.

She is a bitch.  I'd love to slap her.  But that's just what she wants.
She wants to be able to tell people that I'm "abusive" if she can succeed in pushing me beyond my limits.

It's very important that I not lose my temper.

[MTL]

I don't have a therapist....that's why I've venting to you guys, lol.

What I need, at this point, is a lawyer.

Thank you for your kind words, Violet.  It helps.

Well, you should get yourself a therapist... everyone needs a therapist... but most especially people going through shit like this. Even if (when?) you get a lawyer... get a therapist too

Your psychological and emotional health are probably worth it, MTL. I think they are, at least.

I do need a therapist, I just can't afford one right now.

There are free counseling services available, but they are limited.

The whole story is so long.  I'd need a proper counselor, and several sessions to address this.

[Reforged]

People like that depend on your sentiment. She would seem to have no intention of doing anything other than attempting to hurt you.
Cut yourself off emotionally until she improves and dedicate your time and energies to things that will actually help you.
You don't talk with a gaping wound, you cauterize it.

[MTL]

Well, I wrote out the story....but I didn't post it because it's about 12 PAGES LONG.

It also sounds very petulant, small and juvenile.
It is basically a story of a jealous sibling.

Compared to real horrors, like stuff Rocket had been through,
this is kids' stuff.


It just hurts me, because it's my family.

I have basically spent over a decade trying to please other people,
when I could have easily kept my own life.

My sister is the kind of person who would, herself, be outraged
at someone not being held accountable for their actions;

but with me, she doesn't see any need for the basic rules of decency to apply.

She regards me as the worst person on the planet,
and treats me as such.


She knows I suffer with depression, but she ridicules it
...she wouldn't do that to anyone else with depression.

What also really haunts me is the fear of the future
...she seems to take such delight in seeing me crushed,
and her appetite for it seems insatiable;

and it is clear that no amount of kind acts on my part softens her.

I worry that someday, long after I'm out of here,
she will look for some way to come after me, legally,
asserting emotional damage or claiming that I owe money,
because I lived at home for so long, or some such.

Especially since she has kept diaries,
and I just know that they are filled with vitriol against me;

but a judge might consider that the only viable record,
since I have NOT kept a journal...I was too busy working.

Yet she could write anything she wants in there.
It could be 100% lies.

I have started keeping a brief journal in recent years,
....but nothing like the records she has kept for decades.

As Rocket has observed, sometimes an accusation is enough.

That's why I want to consult with a lawyer, to be guarded, prepared, and informed.

Or, she may seek revenge in other ways;
she may simply try to sabotage some endeavor of mine,
shame me publicly in some way,
slander me to my friends or my employer...who knows.

I realize this sounds paranoid,
but she seems so bent on convincing me of my own worthlessness,
I don't think she'd do anything but a happy dance if anything bad every happened to me.

EDIT:

Part of what also hurts me is that I know she is fully capable of being better than this,

...and she knows that I believe she can be good...

yet she deliberately chooses to turn into a Sociopath....just for me.

[MTL]

The only real reason I want others to hear the story,
and preferably hear both sides,
is because, unlike my sister,
I actually care about my integrity.

My sister says I'm the bad guy.

I say she's the bad guy.

I'm willing to hear WHY I'm the bad guy, though,

and she is NOT willing to hear why she is the bad guy.

And I worry that, despite my best efforts to consider all points of view...

....maybe she's right.

In some way I haven't considered, maybe she's right, and I'm the loser,
and I really do not deserve any respect.

I'd rather have people be brutally honest with me about that
....maybe there's just something I'm failing to see.

I don't want to deceive myself.

I'm not fishing for pity, whatsoever, here, guys....I'd always prefer the hard truth.