Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[J a c k]

CIJS- it’s emotionally exhausting to send my kids to school every day praying to all the gods I don’t believe in that nothing bad will happen to them. Some days I just break down and cry. I don’t know how normal people deal with this. Seems like most people don’t even find it terrifying but I do.

I’m 100% with you.

[SaStrike]

CIJS- it’s emotionally exhausting to send my kids to school every day praying to all the gods I don’t believe in that nothing bad will happen to them. Some days I just break down and cry. I don’t know how normal people deal with this. Seems like most people don’t even find it terrifying but I do.

Now you know why they pray to the gods they DO believe in, ignorance is bliss.

[Joods]

I know not a lot of people agree with me but it infuriates me that waitress/waiters hide their tips so they don't have to be taxed on them. I have to report every dollar I make so should they.

Being in the service industry, please allow me to explain some reasons why they may do that.

1. Federal wages for servers is a whopping $2.83 an hour and it's been that way for at least 20 years if not more. If it's dead in the restaurant, you are losing money. Work a 40 hour week and your tips only add up to maybe $300 for the week and then see that your actual paycheck is about $30 after taxes, if that, it can be very frustrating. That's not a livable wage and many who work in the service related industry barely make enough to get by.
2. Many customers now leave a tip on their credit card statements. All of those tips get taxed, despite what customers believe. Why? Because there is now a paper trail and the employer is required to report those tips.

3. Servers are only required to report a certain percentage of their tips. 10 percent is the minimum. If the bulk of my tips are placed on a credit card and all that is getting taxed, you're damn straight that I'm not reporting anything I get in cash. Especially of 80% of my tips are already being reported to the govt.

4. A lot of customers don't even tip the proper amount of 15 - 18 %. The server I just had this morning told me she's been at the restaurant for 21 years and all her paychecks are voided because her hours just barely cover her insurance and she pays taxes based on her sales. So if she had $650 in food sales, she's getting taxed on that plus any tips reported on a credit card, regardless of what her total rips plus hourly comes out to be. So there's lots of variables and reasons for why people don't claim all their tips. I wish people would consider that before getting mad or not tipping properly. I worked for three months at Smart Style and never got a cent of the commission I should have received simply because my service sales weren't high enough. I was busting ass with retail sales, but they don't give you commission on retail unless you meet your service sales goals. That's really hard to do when you are new to the industry. And it's completely frustrating when your paycheck is only for minimum wage and you have kids to feed and student loans to repay and you feel like you busted your ass.

Shit. Some people don't even bother to tip. I won't take those people again as clients. I have expenses to meet as well and I rely on my tips to help restock my supplies.

[brewer]

I don't mind the tip system (I'm a 15 to 20 percenter) and don't see it going away.

I do mind the "mandatory" gratuity policy in some establishments. If I get shitty service I should have the option to express my displeasure in the tip. What's the other option, scream at the management?

[Jackalope]

JBH: You got me a Jordan Peterson book? What exactly is wrong with you? I don't even want to give this to a charity shop.

Reminds of the time when my now ex-wife wanted to convince me of....well, something. She gave me a Deepak Chopra book, can't recall the title, but I think it's still around here somewhere.

[robvalue]

JBH: You got me a Jordan Peterson book? What exactly is wrong with you? I don't even want to give this to a charity shop.

Reminds of the time when my now ex-wife wanted to convince me of....well, something.  She gave me a Deepak Chopra book, can't recall the title, but I think it's still around here somewhere.

I'm guessing she didn't succeed

My brother has apparently become obsessed with this Peterson guy, which is a little worrying. He's rather vulnerable to this kind of thing. My stupid dad seems to be encouraging it too for some weird reason, and isn't providing a sanity balance for him. It probably won't lead to anything much though.

[pocaracas]

I know not a lot of people agree with me but it infuriates me that waitress/waiters hide their tips so they don't have to be taxed on them. I have to report every dollar I make so should they.

Being in the service industry,  please allow me to explain some reasons why they may do that.  

1. Federal wages for servers is a whopping  $2.83 an hour and it's been that way for at least 20 years if not more. If it's  dead in the restaurant, you are losing money. Work a 40 hour week and your tips only add up to maybe $300 for the week and then see that your actual paycheck is about $30 after taxes, if that,  it can be very frustrating.  That's not a livable wage and many who work in the service related industry barely make enough to get by.  
2. Many customers now leave a tip on their credit card statements. All of those tips get taxed, despite what customers believe. Why?  Because there is now a paper trail and the employer is required to report those tips.

3. Servers are only required to report a certain percentage of their tips. 10 percent is the minimum. If the bulk of my tips are placed on a credit card and all that is getting taxed,  you're damn straight that I'm not reporting anything I get in cash.  Especially of 80% of my tips are already being reported to the govt.  

4. A lot of customers don't even tip the proper amount of 15 - 18 %. The server I just had this morning told me she's been at the restaurant for 21 years and all her paychecks are voided because her hours just barely cover her insurance and she pays taxes based on her sales. So if she had $650 in food sales,  she's getting taxed on that plus any tips reported on a credit card, regardless of what her total rips plus hourly comes out to be.  So there's lots of variables and reasons for why people don't claim all their tips.  I wish people would consider that before getting mad or not tipping properly. I worked for three months at Smart Style and never got a cent of the commission I should have received simply because my service sales weren't high enough. I was busting ass with retail sales,  but they don't give you commission on retail unless you meet your service sales goals. That's really hard to do when you are new to the industry. And it's completely frustrating when your paycheck is only for minimum wage and you have kids to feed and student loans to repay and you feel like you busted your ass.

Shit.  Some people don't even bother to tip. I won't take those people again as clients. I have expenses to meet as well and I rely on my tips to help restock my supplies.

See the bit I bolded?
That's the only thing that needs to be fixed. Everything else then falls into place.
And, trust me, the employers will not go bankrupt and the customers will still pay the same (considering the present-day tip included in this fairer price)

If people want to discourage crappy service, simply don't return to where they get crappy service.
If they want to encourage it, return.
If it seems simple, it's because it is. And is basically what happens in many other places.

[KittyAnn]

CIJS- it’s emotionally exhausting to send my kids to school every day praying to all the gods I don’t believe in that nothing bad will happen to them. Some days I just break down and cry. I don’t know how normal people deal with this. Seems like most people don’t even find it terrifying but I do.

I have a daughter, but I never had to be scared of her when I sent her to school ...just like you ...it must be terrible experience...i'm so sorry
I'm with you, too!

[mlmooney89]

CIJS- it’s emotionally exhausting to send my kids to school every day praying to all the gods I don’t believe in that nothing bad will happen to them. Some days I just break down and cry. I don’t know how normal people deal with this. Seems like most people don’t even find it terrifying but I do.

Long winded monologue that pretty much says I understand you Losty.

---

I haven't told anyone this other than my husband but I cried when I found out I was having a girl and not a boy. It wasn't happy tears it was fear. I actually disconnected from her emotionally for months after. I went into the pregnancy wanting a baby and knowing that I had a 50/50 chance to have a girl but I kept saying my husband is the 8th of his name meaning for 8 generations his family has had boys. I picked out the nickname for a boy and all my images of my baby were of a boy. It wasn't just that I wanted a boy it was that I didn't want a girl because I couldn't handle someone hurting her like I was hurt as a child. When I was told she was a girl I broke down crying because everything that I had been stashing away in the back of my head came flooding in and I was so sure I could never protect her and I didn't want to even deal with the fear and anxiety of having a girl. I was outwardly happy about having a baby but I cried almost every night and didn't want to ever give birth to her because then she would be separated from me and I couldn't protect her.

I've always loved her more than anything but she gives me such anxiety and I didn't connect to her fully for two weeks. It was like my mind didn't want to get too attached to her so that it wouldn't hurt so much if something happened to her. I didn't let my husband really take care of her much and when he held her I was right there. One time he was trying to soothe her but he was getting frustrated because of lack of sleep. He didn't touch her but he got really upset, I took her from him and left. I just sat there holding her and crying hysterically because I didn't know how I was supposed to do this parent thing if I couldn't trust even her own father. He never did anything to make me not trust him but I didn't trust any man.

Since then I've had to leave her at daycare (crying hysterically for the first day, she only goes 1-3 days a week depending on Tony's schedule and yet I still am late to work every time because I have such a hard time leaving her) or leaving her with Tony. He is her father and he is such an amazing father so I leave her with him but every day when I get home I take her from him immediately and don't give her back. Half because I missed her half because... I reckon I trust him more now but I still prefer her with me over him. Her grandfather picks her up three times a month but it's literally just before the daycare closes and he keeps her in her seat until I get to the parking lot to pick her up. He is never alone with her in a private setting. The only person I've ever fully trusted is my mom, not even Tony's mom, just mine.

I reckon if I am at least functioning leaving her at daycare I will be ok with school but the daycare I know she isn't alone with men, I don't know how to make sure of that at school. Deep breath Mandy, that's in years. Let's just get through this situation before freaking out over the next.

---

[pocaracas]

CIJS- it’s emotionally exhausting to send my kids to school every day praying to all the gods I don’t believe in that nothing bad will happen to them. Some days I just break down and cry. I don’t know how normal people deal with this. Seems like most people don’t even find it terrifying but I do.

Long winded monologue that pretty much says I understand you Losty.

---

I haven't told anyone this other than my husband but I cried when I found out I was having a girl and not a boy. It wasn't happy tears it was fear. I actually disconnected from her emotionally for months after. I went into the pregnancy wanting a baby and knowing that I had a 50/50 chance to have a girl but I kept saying my husband is the 8th of his name meaning for 8 generations his family has had boys. I picked out the nickname for a boy and all my images of my baby were of a boy. It wasn't just that I wanted a boy it was that I didn't want a girl because I couldn't handle someone hurting her like I was hurt as a child. When I was told she was a girl I broke down crying because everything that I had been stashing away in the back of my head came flooding in and I was so sure I could never protect her and I didn't want to even deal with the fear and anxiety of having a girl. I was outwardly happy about having a baby but I cried almost every night and didn't want to ever give birth to her because then she would be separated from me and I couldn't protect her.

I've always loved her more than anything but she gives me such anxiety and I didn't connect to her fully for two weeks. It was like my mind didn't want to get too attached to her so that it wouldn't hurt so much if something happened to her. I didn't let my husband really take care of her much and when he held her I was right there. One time he was trying to soothe her but he was getting frustrated because of lack of sleep. He didn't touch her but he got really upset, I took her from him and left. I just sat there holding her and crying hysterically because I didn't know how I was supposed to do this parent thing if I couldn't trust even her own father. He never did anything to make me not trust him but I didn't trust any man.

Since then I've had to leave her at daycare (crying hysterically for the first day, she only goes 1-3 days a week depending on Tony's schedule and yet I still am late to work every time because I have such a hard time leaving her) or leaving her with Tony. He is her father and he is such an amazing father so I leave her with him but every day when I get home I take her from him immediately and don't give her back. Half because I missed her half because... I reckon I trust him more now but I still prefer her with me over him. Her grandfather picks her up three times a month but it's literally just before the daycare closes and he keeps her in her seat until I get to the parking lot to pick her up. He is never alone with her in a private setting. The only person I've ever fully trusted is my mom, not even Tony's mom, just mine.

I reckon if I am at least functioning leaving her at daycare I will be ok with school but the daycare I know she isn't alone with men, I don't know how to make sure of that at school. Deep breath Mandy, that's in years. Let's just get through this situation before freaking out over the next.

---

Oh Mandy... as justified as your fears may be, you must let your daughter's family do their "job". "It takes a village" to raise a kid. Don't do it all on your own.
Trust her with the people in whom you trust. You can't control everything, sure, but don't be overprotective because of a slim chance that the people you know are trustworthy may turn out to be abusive.
Mistrust breeds mistrust and, before you know it, you'll be left with little help.