Disability is no excuse to not parent

[BrokenQuill92]

https://youtu.be/j9NaTdzt4M0
So I was pretty much on the side of the parents, then you let your kid invade someone else's personal space and STEAL food off their plate. Can I just say as a disabled person I'm so tired of parents acting as if they have no control over their disabled children. This whole "my kid is disabled therefore there's no need for them to learn personal boundaries" is bullshit. I don't care what kind of disability your kid has, they still need to learn human decency. You don't get to check out because they don't understand everything or it's hard.

[ukatheist]

I do get where you are coming from here, but depending on where the child is on the autistic spectrum they may be simply incapable of understanding or learning personal boundaries. And imo the parents in this vid didn't check out, or 'let' the child do those things, they did what they could to bring him back to his seat. What do you think they could have done differently?

Sent from my ALE-L21 using Tapatalk

[BrokenQuill92]

I do get where you are coming from here, but depending on where the child is on the autistic spectrum they may be simply incapable of understanding or learning personal boundaries. And imo the parents in this vid didn't check out, or 'let' the child do those things, they did what they could to bring him back to his seat. What do you think they could have done differently?

Sent from my ALE-L21 using Tapatalk

Honestly there are harnesses to restrain a child like that. There are teaching centers. There are alternative schools. And honestly if your child is incapable of understanding boundaries then you need to keep them at your side 24/7. Tie them to you if you must. I have an uncle who's autistic and he's lower functioning than this kid, and yet he knows not to touch people with out asking. I'm just saying just because your kid is disabled doesn't give them the right to be so disruptive that they stick their hands in other people's food. That's like me saying hey I'm blind therefore I knock things over whenever I like because hey I can't see who cares if I break something.

[brewer]

Sorry, I don't get you at all. I find your lack of tolerance disturbing.

[Joods]

As a mother of a child with a disability, sometimes it is hard to deal with certain situations. That's doesn't mean that we don't try our best to do what we think is right. I have always made sure my child learns right from wrong but the process definitely takes longer because sometimes the lesson doesn't click like it does with a non-disabled child of the same age.
My mother has been the biggest hindrance to my child learning and thus, used to let her get away with things, using the excuse that because she's disabled, she doesn't understand. No. She does understand. You just want to place her in bubble wrap so that you, yourself can continue to undermine my parenting. This is just one of the reasons why I haven't spoken to my mother in over six years.
So, sometimes it's not the parents, but it is other family that prevents the parents from succeeding in teaching the child.
Additionally, what we often see isn't always the whole picture. And for the record, it is my personal opinion, but I don't believe in using restraints on kids. I believe you are referring to those harnesses also called child leashes. Children are not pets to be leashed. I seriously cringe whenever I see a kid on one of those.

[Aroura]

I have great sympathy for children with autism and their parents. I've seen a mom in tears as her son hit her then flung himself to the ground and just screamed for. It scared my kid, but I tried to explain what was going on and not to stare at the boy. Other people did try and offer assistance. I've never seen someone be rude to a kid with autism in public. Always quite the opposite.

That being said, there was one occasion at a museum where a boy was using the activity on an exhibit for a very long time, and my daughter went and asked if she could have a turn on it. He shoved her, hard enough to land on her button. She was too startled to cry right away, and I wentered to her, not him. His parents said something to him and he kicked his mom. Both parents just backed off and let him go back to playing at the display. They did not look at us, let alone offer explanation or apology. I have no clue to this day if the kid was autistic or just a spoiled monster, but in any case if your kids physically hurts other people regularly on outings, that is the one time I would hope the parents would not keep taking them on outings until they have learnt not to hit others.

Nothing is black and white. Autistic kids have a right to be able to go out to eat, to theme parks, plays and museums. People need to learn tolerance and sympathy for vocal outbursts and the like. But I draw the line if your kid hits my kid, as my kid has a right to attend the same things with a reasonable expectation of not being hit, pushed, kicked or bittentity.

Oh yeah, her pre school had a little boy who bit the other kids and teachers often. Mostly the teachers. The staff had a tendency to kettle him do whatever he wanted so as not to agitate him into violence. Is that fair to the teachers or the other children?

But the French fry thing, I don't know. If my own kid did that, I think it would be reasonable to offer to buy the guy a meal. Having a disabled child does not give anyone licence to ruin another person's paid for experience with impunity. However, even if they don't, the guy should not shame the Autistic child. If I had been him, I would have been polite to the family with the Autistic kid, then quietly explained that a kid kept touching my food and asked for a creditotal or new meal, either moving to a quieter part of the restaurant to eat, or coming back later, so as not to make the kid and family uncomfortable either. I know he's an actor though.

[Aroura]

Judi, I used to feel the same way about those leases. Lady came to pick up her daughter even day after school back in 1st grade, and her little twin boys were on leashes every day. I thought it vile, and my first reaction was to harshly judge the mom.

We used to walk part of the way home together, so I came to understand her situation a bit better. The twin boys were both challenged in some way, again nothing obvios to me so it could have been mental or just la k of disvipline, i dont know, but one day she didn't have them on the leash. One stayed with her pretty well but the other ran right out in the street in front of a school bus! I about had a heart ATTACK! The bus stopped in time, and the boy just stayed in the street til his older sister came and brought him back.

I still have no idea if she was just a bad lazy mom or if her kids were safer on leashes for a good reason. Leashing seems preferable to getting hit by a car or bus though, and now I feel a lot less certain of my position on child leashes.

[rado84]

Sorry, I don't get you at all. I find your lack of tolerance disturbing.

Sure, let disabled kids steal your money, rob banks or your home because we have to be tolerant. There must be a limit to tolerance, otherwise the whole country will fall into chaos.

This kid is going to be beaten a lot in the future. It will start with food but later this won't be enough and no one will tolerate it for stealing.

[BrokenQuill92]

I have great sympathy for children with autism and their parents. I've seen a mom in tears as her son hit her then flung himself to the ground and just screamed for. It scared my kid, but I tried to explain what was going on and not to stare at the boy. Other people did try and offer assistance. I've never seen someone be rude to a kid with autism in public. Always quite the opposite.

That being said, there was one occasion at a museum where a boy was using the activity on an exhibit for a very long time, and my daughter went and asked if she could have a turn on it. He shoved her, hard enough to land on her button. She was too startled to cry right away, and I wentered to her, not him. His parents said something to him and he kicked his mom. Both parents just backed off and let him go back to playing at the display. They did not look at us, let alone offer explanation or apology. I have no clue to this day if the kid was autistic or just a spoiled monster, but in any case if your kids physically hurts other people regularly on outings, that is the one time I would hope the parents would not keep taking them on outings until they have learnt not to hit others.

Nothing is black and white. Autistic kids have a right to be able to go out to eat, to theme parks, plays and museums. People need to learn tolerance and sympathy for vocal outbursts and the like. But I draw the line if your kid hits my kid, as my kid has a right to attend the same things with a reasonable expectation of not being hit, pushed, kicked or bittentity.

Oh yeah, her pre school had a little boy who bit the other kids and teachers often. Mostly the teachers. The staff had a tendency to kettle him do whatever he wanted so as not to agitate him into violence. Is that fair to the teachers or the other children?

But the French fry thing, I don't know. If my own kid did that, I think it would be reasonable to offer to buy the guy a meal. Having a disabled child does not give anyone licence to ruin another person's paid for experience with impunity. However, even if they don't, the guy should not shame the Autistic child. If I had been him, I would have been polite to the family with the Autistic kid, then quietly explained that a kid kept touching my food and asked for a creditotal or new meal, either moving to a quieter part of the restaurant to eat, or coming back later, so as not to make the kid and family uncomfortable either. I know he's an actor though.

I'm not saying shame the kid. I'm saying that those parents are totally checked out. That kid ran amok, and its their fault. Personally I don't like leashes, but if your kid doesn't understand personal space you need to keep them near you. And yeah the actor is rude but he made a really good point.

[Joods]

I well remember the time my mother came to take my oldest (the one with the disability) for the weekend. I was 8 months pregnant with my other daughter. They leave and ten minutes later I get a phone call from my mother saying they are still in the parking lot at my apartment because my daughter refused to get up off the ground and get in the truck. I told my mother this is what happens when you refuse to discipline said child. She ends up not listening to you.

I walked up the stairs, stuck my head out the main door and yelled my kid's first and middle two names. She immediately got up off the ground and into my mother's truck. Saying first and middle names in my house tends to tell kids we mean business. When you coddle a kid, you do more harm than good. I'm not saying a parent has to be a tyrant, but discipline isn't going to hurt a kid. Neither will sticking to boundaries and making sure your rules are enforced.