Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: March 29, 2024, 7:02 am

Thread Rating:
  • 1 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
gay or atheist?
#51
RE: gay or atheist?
(September 2, 2016 at 5:44 pm)drfuzzy Wrote: My brother and I told our parents were were gay.  They told us never to darken the door again . . . unless we got married and begged the church for forgiveness.  
I was told it would help if I also showed up pregnant.  This was 1988.  I spotted them briefly at my Grandfather's funeral.  They left before it was over.

My Father died.  I didn't learn about it until 4 months after it happened.  

But ATHEIST????   Oh, that's much worse.  Much, much worse. After all, true belief in SkyRapistDaddy is supposed to cure the nasty queers of their demon possession.  
(I wondered more than once what would happen if I showed up pregnant and told 'em I was still a virgin and god was the father.)

That must've been hell... and maybe still is Sad It just makes me so angry, not to mention confused, how parents could do that. It reminds me of a storyline in the UK version of Queer As Folk where the extremely camp Alexander is completely ignored and blanked by his parents, and when they are forced to talk... when his father dies... all his mother wants to talk to him for is so that he can sign over his share of the will. It made my blood boil watching that and your story makes it positively molten Sad I don't know how I'd ever deal with that situation without hating them back, it would tear me apart otherwise.
Reply
#52
RE: gay or atheist?
(September 2, 2016 at 6:57 pm)Emjay Wrote: My strongly Christian parents were, and still are, much more upset about me coming out as gay than as an atheist. But funnily enough they've hardly batted an eye about the atheism but as soon as I started showing an interest in Buddhism, they went nuts, figuratively speaking. So since I still live with them, as an adult, it felt very unpleasant to feel ashamed just  to go to a simple meditation class... and to have to essentially hide it from them to keep the peace. I shouldn't have had to do that Sad I shouldn't have to be ashamed about wanting to meditate when all it is to me is good psychology and an exercise in wellbeing with nothing supernatural about it. In their ignorance about the subject, to them I want to join some weird cult but it's not even a religion as I'm interested in it... it's just a philosophy... with no 'god' anywhere in sight. It just really annoys me Sad


No, you shouldn't. What do they say when you tell them it's just a mental exercise? Or are you even able to talk about it with them?
A Gemma is forever.
Reply
#53
RE: gay or atheist?
(September 2, 2016 at 7:43 pm)Emjay Wrote:
(September 2, 2016 at 5:44 pm)drfuzzy Wrote: My brother and I told our parents were were gay.  They told us never to darken the door again . . . unless we got married and begged the church for forgiveness.  
I was told it would help if I also showed up pregnant.  This was 1988.  I spotted them briefly at my Grandfather's funeral.  They left before it was over.

My Father died.  I didn't learn about it until 4 months after it happened.  

But ATHEIST????   Oh, that's much worse.  Much, much worse. After all, true belief in SkyRapistDaddy is supposed to cure the nasty queers of their demon possession.  
(I wondered more than once what would happen if I showed up pregnant and told 'em I was still a virgin and god was the father.)

That must've been hell... and maybe still is Sad It just makes me so angry, not to mention confused, how parents could do that. It reminds me of a storyline in the UK version of Queer As Folk where the extremely camp Alexander is completely ignored and blanked by his parents, and when they are forced to talk... when his father dies... all his mother wants to talk to him for is so that he can sign over his share of the will. It made my blood boil watching that and your story makes it positively molten Sad I don't know how I'd ever deal with that situation without hating them back, it would tear me apart otherwise.

I'm not gonna lie and say that everything is perfectly fine.  I have a couple of . . . mild issues . . . (heh) that I have talked to therapists about.  But like just about anything Emjay . . . we learn to deal.  We even learn from the experience.  If I had not been gay, I might be still in that church today, married to a preacher, playing piano and organ for every service and never stopping to question anything.  So I'm actually grateful.  But yeah, what they did sucks.
"The family that prays together...is brainwashing their children."- Albert Einstein
Reply
#54
RE: gay or atheist?
(September 2, 2016 at 7:52 pm), Gemini Wrote:
(September 2, 2016 at 6:57 pm)Emjay Wrote: My strongly Christian parents were, and still are, much more upset about me coming out as gay than as an atheist. But funnily enough they've hardly batted an eye about the atheism but as soon as I started showing an interest in Buddhism, they went nuts, figuratively speaking. So since I still live with them, as an adult, it felt very unpleasant to feel ashamed just  to go to a simple meditation class... and to have to essentially hide it from them to keep the peace. I shouldn't have had to do that Sad I shouldn't have to be ashamed about wanting to meditate when all it is to me is good psychology and an exercise in wellbeing with nothing supernatural about it. In their ignorance about the subject, to them I want to join some weird cult but it's not even a religion as I'm interested in it... it's just a philosophy... with no 'god' anywhere in sight. It just really annoys me Sad


No, you shouldn't. What do they say when you tell them it's just a mental exercise? Or are you even able to talk about it with them?

They just don't internalise anything I have to say on these sorts of issues... it's their view vs mine without any compromise. It's the same with hypnosis... I see psychology, they see supernatural possession or whatever. If I had to sum up the dynamic in my household I'd say it's one of willful ignorance acting as an excuse not to even explore other possibilities, so basically they'll shut down any conversation before it even gets the chance to explore a different viewpoint... or the same with books... they'll just write a book off before they've read it, not even giving it a chance to make its case. Basically I'm not afraid to read a Christian book... I'd be bored stiff... but I could physically read it. But they won't get even that far Sad So what should be just a fair trade of ideas... I'll read one of yours if you read one of mine... never happens.
Reply
#55
RE: gay or atheist?
(September 2, 2016 at 8:06 pm)drfuzzy Wrote:
(September 2, 2016 at 7:43 pm)Emjay Wrote: That must've been hell... and maybe still is Sad It just makes me so angry, not to mention confused, how parents could do that. It reminds me of a storyline in the UK version of Queer As Folk where the extremely camp Alexander is completely ignored and blanked by his parents, and when they are forced to talk... when his father dies... all his mother wants to talk to him for is so that he can sign over his share of the will. It made my blood boil watching that and your story makes it positively molten Sad I don't know how I'd ever deal with that situation without hating them back, it would tear me apart otherwise.

I'm not gonna lie and say that everything is perfectly fine.  I have a couple of . . . mild issues . . . (heh) that I have talked to therapists about.  But like just about anything Emjay . . . we learn to deal.  We even learn from the experience.  If I had not been gay, I might be still in that church today, married to a preacher, playing piano and organ for every service and never stopping to question anything.  So I'm actually grateful.  But yeah, what they did sucks.

Yeah, I do understand that... as bad as some things are, they're all formative... play their part in shaping what we become and hopefully making us stronger and providing us with wisdom. I'm stronger and wiser for some of the shit I've been through than if I hadn't been through it, so I can take that comfort from it. I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm grateful for it but I can see some of the positive in it. I'm glad you're able to deal with it Heart
Reply
#56
RE: gay or atheist?
My mother has been distressed that I'm an atheist for going on 40 years now. But we still have a pretty good relationship, though she is now also distressed that her granddaughters are atheist. My husband hasn't had the atheism discussion with his family.

The real problem for us is that we have a lesbian daughter newly out to a very limited number of people. She wants to wait to be out generally when she starts college a year from now. Do I really have to say we love her and are supportive? I haven't outed her to Mom. When, if ever, to do that is her choice, but it may be bad for awhile. My brother's daughter is also lesbian. Mom doesn't know that either. She's older and I keep hoping she will tell Mom first.

We are pretty sure my husband's sister's daughter is also lesbian. As they are homophobic evangelical, we are a worried about that. But we aren't worried about her grandfather, he will be accepting. Fortunately her grandfather lives very close. We hope that will help. We will offer a home if comes to that. But we are on the other side of the country, and hardly ideal.

In the long run, I think my mother and my husband's family will find a way to accept. But the interim may not be pretty.

That said atheism will/would bother them all more long term.
If there is a god, I want to believe that there is a god.  If there is not a god, I want to believe that there is no god.
Reply
#57
RE: gay or atheist?
My mother would have rather heard that I was gay, than an atheist. She's suspected that I'm a lesbian for years, because I'm "liberal", "willful", and never expressed a desire to find another husband. My atheism causes her a tremendous deal of distress and anguish, though. It saddens her on many, many levels, which I won't even bother getting into.

My father's an atheist. He's extremely quiet, mellow, and tends to mind his own business for the most part. If I were gay, it just wouldn't concern him. The only thing that would bother him is if I told him I was involved in something that could potentially cause me harm, like becoming a prostitute, Nascar driver, or some shit like that. Once, I kidded around and told him I'd picked up a late night stripping gig; Just to mess with him a bit. 

He looked up from what he doing, stared at me for several moments, and said..

"No. You can't do that, Cori...it doesn't sound safe." 

That's the closest he's ever come to flying off the handle, in regards to any "big reveal" of mine.
Reply
#58
RE: gay or atheist?
(September 3, 2016 at 12:05 am)Thena323 Wrote: My mother would have rather heard that I was gay, than an atheist. She's suspected that I'm a lesbian for years, because I'm "liberal", "willful", and never expressed a desire to find another husband. My atheism causes her a tremendous deal of distress and anguish, though. It saddens her on many, many levels, which I won't even bother getting into.

My father's an atheist. He's extremely quiet, mellow, and tends to mind his own business for the most part. If I were gay, it just wouldn't concern him. The only thing that would bother him is if I told him I was involved in something that could potentially cause me harm, like becoming a prostitute, Nascar driver, or some shit like that. Once, I kidded around and told him I'd picked up a late night stripping gig; Just to mess with him a bit. 

He looked up from what he doing, stared at me for several moments, and said..

"No. You can't do that, Cori...it doesn't sound safe." 

That's the closest he's ever come to flying off the handle, in regards to any "big reveal" of mine.

I like your father.
If there is a god, I want to believe that there is a god.  If there is not a god, I want to believe that there is no god.
Reply



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Gay Vicar To Marry Atheist Partner NoraBrimstone 1 999 March 6, 2014 at 8:10 am
Last Post: Aractus
  Former Ex-Gay Activist Admits Gay People Don’t Change Rev. Rye 64 24692 December 30, 2011 at 6:46 pm
Last Post: TheDarkestOfAngels



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)