your views on modern day porn consumption

[LadyForCamus]

That's good that you normally don't use porn while you have a girlfriend. 

I know there's been women here who have said their husbands look at it and they don't care, but it's very different for me. I would feel devastated and betrayed if my husband had any sort of porn habit. It would make me feel inadequate and like a violation of something sacred and special that is supposed to be shared exclusively between us. But then again, that comes with the territory of having very different views of sexuality.

This is just how far I've gotten so far.  Stopping to check out recommended videos is really slowing me down.  [j/k]

I think hearts and flowers kind of sex may be insufficient for men in the long run.  Pretty sure it doesn't do it for all women either.  But so long as you don't see the just-for-fun aspect of sex, you wouldn't know.  There is something sacred about sex but that's really because of its being a kind of intimacy.  Sex is more than that and if after some number of years you find your husbands physiological response flagging hopefully you'll be willing to explore ways to resurrect him even if that takes you beyond the bounds of sex-as-intimacy.

Here is a reflection question for all the theists in the house: do you think that, to the degree that God created anything, He also created fun on purpose?  If so, for what purpose?

I have no problem whatsoever with my husband viewing porn. I mean...porn is a masturbatory aid. That's all. Am I also going to demand that he never masturbate, or never imagine having sex with another woman besides me when he does? That's just silly, and completely hypocritical on my part. Should I have to give up literotica as well?

I think open communication (like Thump mentioned earlier) is key. When my husband and I were first dating he was like, "I watch porn." And I was like, "I don't care." From then on I bought him a pornographic video every year for Valentine's Day. Sometimes he would go with me to pick it out. Now that everything is On Demand, we will watch it together occasionally while sitting in front of the TV with some wine on a Saturday night. Usually we're just making fun of it, but occasionally we might come across something that is mutually stimulating. I know what kind of porn he likes as well as the long, long laundry list of stuff he doesn't like, and I can say to him, "Omg, there is NO way she likes that! Don't ever try that on me." Being so open with each other about pornography has served as a great way for us to share, laugh, have fun, and get to know more intimately what turns one another on or off.


Now, if I ever felt like our sex life was suffering because of it; that one was suffering because of the other, that would be a different story. But my husband is still really good at making me feel like I'm the sexiest, most desirable woman he's ever seen almost 10 years after the day we met. All in all, I'd say that porn has complimented our sex life nicely, as opposed to stifling it.

[Catholic_Lady]

What's that? 

Oh, you mean porn?

No, FUN!  Silly girl!  [emoji13]

Haha. Well when I say "bonding with spouse" of course that includes pleasure, fun, and enjoying each other, etc. 

[Catholic_Lady]

That's good that you normally don't use porn while you have a girlfriend. 

I know there's been women here who have said their husbands look at it and they don't care, but it's very different for me. I would feel devastated and betrayed if my husband had any sort of porn habit. It would make me feel inadequate and like a violation of something sacred and special that is supposed to be shared exclusively between us. But then again, that comes with the territory of having very different views of sexuality.

This is just how far I've gotten so far.  Stopping to check out recommended videos is really slowing me down.  [j/k]

I think hearts and flowers kind of sex may be insufficient for men in the long run.  Pretty sure it doesn't do it for all women either.  But so long as you don't see the just-for-fun aspect of sex, you wouldn't know.  There is something sacred about sex but that's really because of its being a kind of intimacy.  Sex is more than that and if after some number of years you find your husbands physiological response flagging hopefully you'll be willing to explore ways to resurrect him even if that takes you beyond the bounds of sex-as-intimacy.

Here is a reflection question for all the theists in the house: do you think that, to the degree that God created anything, He also created fun on purpose?  If so, for what purpose?

Of course! Sacred and special doesn't mean it can't be fun, it means it should be! It wouldn't be a special thing if it were meant to be boring.

[Catholic_Lady]

That's good that you normally don't use porn while you have a girlfriend. 

I know there's been women here who have said their husbands look at it and they don't care, but it's very different for me. I would feel devastated and betrayed if my husband had any sort of porn habit. It would make me feel inadequate and like a violation of something sacred and special that is supposed to be shared exclusively between us. But then again, that comes with the territory of having very different views of sexuality.

Your not the first and more than likely not the last woman I know with the exact same position. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I will say that women that take this position should be up front with their partner about it from the beginning. If they remain silent (either partner) then there will only be disappointment.

I agree 100%. If my spouse and I were not on the same page about this, I don't know if I could have married him because it's such a fundamental part of marriage to me.

[CapnAwesome]

Porn is great. Mostly I don't really use it when I don't have a girlfriend though. If I'm seeing someone, I don't really bother with porn. Also those studies are always worded a certain way to try to make porn seem like it's having more of an affect then it is. There has never been a study that shows that porn has any significant effect on sexual assault. However the language in the anti-porn articles always attempts to imply that, like with this bit you quoted:

They are trying to imply there is a link between porn and violence towards women. However there is none. The reality is that porn is healthy and normal for both sexes. Most women that I've dated or have been close enough friends with to talk about such things, watch and masturbate to porn. What do they even mean by attitudes supporting violence towards women? If there is not actual increase in violence towards women (as there isn't) then it's a totally meaningless statement. Obviously whatever those attitudes (they certainly aren't clear in that article) they don't actually increase violence against women, otherwise the headline would be 'porn increases violence against women.'

The only thing of significance is that college age women are less sexually satisfied if their partner watches porn. That's a dubious stat at best, since it relies on hearsay but probably true, not because of the porn in and of itself but rather because simply because the man's sexual energy is going somewhere else other then his partner.

Also it's good to have you back.

That's good that you normally don't use porn while you have a girlfriend. 

I know there's been women here who have said their husbands look at it and they don't care, but it's very different for me. I would feel devastated and betrayed if my husband had any sort of porn habit. It would make me feel inadequate and like a violation of something sacred and special that is supposed to be shared exclusively between us. But then again, that comes with the territory of having very different views of sexuality.

I'm not really doing it to make my girlfriend feel better though, she's not the kind of person who cares. I'm just doing it because I only have so much sexual energy and having sex is more fun that jerking off. I think there is a problem with your kind of thinking though, sexual energy has to go somewhere. So in time when people are not close to one another or one person just isn't in the mood for sex, it's probably best that that energy is consumed with masturbation and porn. In all reality it's the least harmful outlet, when someone is in a relationship. I think that the idea that someone's sexual drive belongs entirely to another person has been an extremely harmful one. Especially when men get the idea about their wives and girlfriends. Jealousy is the route of a lot of domestic violence.

[SenpaiNoticeMeYouBlindShmuck]

...I think that the idea that someone's sexual drive belongs entirely to another person has been an extremely harmful one. Especially when men get the idea about their wives and girlfriends. Jealousy is the route of a lot of domestic violence.

Well, just to but in here As someone who hasn't been so happy with the idea of their partners watching porn I can't really say for me it's wanting to own their sex drive.

How can I put this, like Catholic_Lady I see sex as something very intimate, albeit not divine or with a supernatural element as she might. Sex, and the feelings that come with it are something I only want to explore or engage in with someone who I feel a great deal for. It's for this reason I really find hook ups quite distasteful, I don't really see how something like sex can be as meaningful and intimate if it's something you've shared with several dozens of people. I'm not condemning or throwing shade at anyone who likes that, far from it. To do it with many different people...For me it just loses something.

Now while porn might not be the same, I was tempted to write "as bad" but I know it's not bad per say, in the back of my mind it's something very similar. Obviously, being gay I'm not thinking about all sexual acts needing to be procreative here, but just aimed towards random people...Ehhh.

TL;DR: I'm very picky about who I get in the sack with, and if I found out my partner wasn't as picky about who or what he got off with I'd see that as cheapening what we have rather than a source of ideas or a release point for when someone wasn't in the mood. I see sex as a sign of deep trust, not so much something done for fun alone although it can be lots of fun. If someone wants to direct their sex drive one way or the other thats fine, but its a sure fire way to turn mine off altogether.

[Catholic_Lady]

Great post, Senpai. I agree.

[Ravenshire]

Personally, I find it disgusting that kids in the US can consume as much violence as they wish, but a single thrust of a cock into a pussy shown on screen renders the film automatically NC17 regardless of what the intentions of the film maker are.

We need to teach our youth that sex is perfectly natural and that violence is abhorrent, not the opposite as we seem set on doing.

As long as there's no harm/no foul (producers or consumer) then there should be no problem with porn.

Hell, they should be showing boobs all the way down to PG. That seems to be the limit for graphic violence.

[Ravenshire]

On a tangent to my last post...

If I (within the bounds of my own home) give my twelve-year-old a beer, I'm perfectly within my parental rights (in many if not most jurisdictions). If I give my twelve-year-old a skin mag (again, within the bounds of my own home) I'm a sexual deviant and if caught can face lengthy jail time.

The repression of sex in US society has gotten fucking ridiculous when alcohol and violence are more acceptable than fucking

[The Valkyrie]

My view of porn?

Usually online.