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My mom is dying, going to need an ear.
#21
RE: My mom is dying, going to need an ear.
I am very sorry, my heart goes out to you. Losing someone you love isn't easy, it's good to hear that you feel like you'll do well without her too, that's very important and that's probably what she wants ! If you need someone to talk to PM me.
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#22
RE: My mom is dying, going to need an ear.
My mom is going through the worst part of all this obviously. But it is terrifying to watch. Even with prior stuff she has been through. I know everyone who loves their parents as much as I love my mom goes through this. I know it is unavoidable in reality no matter what, you can only delay it.

It is hard as hell putting on a brave face and smile for her when I am with her. I freak out and mostly break down when I am alone. Sometimes I am so emotionally drained I cant feel anything.

We've always been an odd couple. She is a retired teacher raised that things go a certain way, boys don't cry buck it up. I am sensitive. My dad died when I was 13 so she ended up raising me through my horrible teens by herself. It was no utopia. We butted heads alot back then. But all in retrospect now, she simply wanted me to be ready and tough. We never had a manual of how to be a parent or child. But the one thing that has never wavered is her love and support. Back in 05 I moved down here to live with her and help her out, and we have grown really close since. We still have our personality differences but we have a much much closer better understanding of each other. She doesn't expect me to be serious all the time like growing up. You cannot change the past no, but I am so thankful that we have grown closer with all this.

I am going to miss her calling me every day. I am going to miss her reminding me to pay my bills. I am going to miss her telling me to not yell at the TV when the Redskins blow a play. I am gong to miss her asking me about my debates online. I am going to miss watching the Ohio State games with her. I am going to miss our inside jokes about Rubber Ducky, changing cell tower lights, counting trees. I am going to miss her saying "I made it myself" when she burps. She hated that when I was a kid if I burped and didn't say "excuse me". I am going to miss playing table top football waiting for our food at brunch at Sunny Side. I am going to miss taking her out for her favorite steak. I am going to miss teasing her about putting things back where they go. She hated that I was unorganized growing up. I am going to miss her and her friends ganging up on me. No I mean I am an easy tease. I am even going to miss her yelling at me. With all her prior health problems, I knew she would be ok if she muster the energy to say "shut up" "let me do it" "leave me alone".

Time is a double edge sword. It is amazing that we are even here. But there is no way to escape our finite existence. But right now I want to scream but can't. My selfish side wants more but knows it would be unfair to her. I have to leave now to go and see her. I hate having to leave at night but she has a room mate so I cant stay all night.
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#23
RE: My mom is dying, going to need an ear.
I read your above post and you have a lot you will miss about her, those are the memories to hold onto, those are the real times the unforgettable ones that will bring happiness to your life after she is gone. Hold tightly to those jewels they will get you through the difficult days ahead. Those are the memories that defined the good parts and the ones that will sustain you in the future. As everyone has been saying cherish this time make it count it is the time you will remember most often.
Continue to grow closer it will make you closer after she is gone and remember you still have a future she desires you to live. I'm sorry you are having to go through this but, we are never guaranteed how our lives will go and I'm sorry that the end for her is going to be harder than any of us want. Since I feel you would not appreciate Christian statements I want offer them. If you have questions you can PM me and I will respond.

Hoping the best that can be for the both of you.

GC
God loves those who believe and those who do not and the same goes for me, you have no choice in this matter. That puts the matter of total free will to rest.
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#24
RE: My mom is dying, going to need an ear.
(February 22, 2017 at 11:24 am)Godschild Wrote: I read your above post and you have a lot you will miss about her, those are the memories to hold onto, those are the real times the unforgettable ones that will bring happiness to your life after she is gone. Hold tightly to those jewels they will get you through the difficult days ahead. Those are the memories that defined the good parts and the ones that will sustain you in the future. As everyone has been saying cherish this time make it count it is the time you will remember most often.
Continue to grow closer it will make you closer after she is gone and remember you still have a future she desires you to live. I'm sorry you are having to go through this but, we are never guaranteed how our lives will go and I'm sorry that the end for her is going to be harder than any of us want. Since I feel you would not appreciate Christian statements I want offer them. If you have questions you can PM me and I will respond.

Hoping the best that can be for the both of you.

GC

I am not about to PM any theist for anything never have never will. Your intent is not my issue, but especially now, regardless of your intent or any other theist i really don't want to hear it. All 7 billion of us are the same species and everyone goes through this. Just leave it at "I am sorry and I wish you the best", that is now, not just me, but other atheists would prefer you deal with us in times like this. 

I am posting this right now in a very calm moment because my mom has been more lucid this morning and able to smile for now. THAT is comforting to me. Knowing i will always have her in my thoughts is comforting to me. Knowing that eventually she will not be in any more pain is comforting to me. I have to bite my tongue enough in person I have no desire to have PMs with theists.
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#25
RE: My mom is dying, going to need an ear.
(February 22, 2017 at 8:00 am)Brian37 Wrote: My mom is going through the worst part of all this obviously. But it is terrifying to watch. Even with prior stuff she has been through. I know everyone who loves their parents as much as I love my mom goes through this. I know it is unavoidable in reality no matter what, you can only delay it.

It is hard as hell putting on a brave face and smile for her when I am with her. I freak out and mostly break down when I am alone. Sometimes I am so emotionally drained I cant feel anything.

We've always been an odd couple. She is a retired teacher raised that things go a certain way, boys don't cry buck it up. I am sensitive. My dad died when I was 13 so she ended up raising me through my horrible teens by herself. It was no utopia. We butted heads alot back then. But all in retrospect now, she simply wanted me to be ready and tough. We never had a manual of how to be a parent or child. But the one thing that has never wavered is her love and support. Back in  05 I moved down here to live with her and help her out, and we have grown really close since. We still have our personality differences but we have a much much closer better understanding of each other. She doesn't expect me to be serious all the time like growing up. You cannot change the past no, but I am so thankful that we have grown closer with all this.

I am going to miss her calling me every day. I am going to miss her reminding me to pay my bills. I am going to miss her telling me to not yell at the TV when the Redskins blow a play. I am gong to miss her asking me about my debates online. I am going to miss watching the Ohio State games with her. I am going to miss our inside jokes about Rubber Ducky, changing cell tower lights, counting trees. I am going to miss her saying "I made it myself" when she burps. She hated that when I was a kid if I burped and didn't say "excuse me". I am going to miss playing table top football waiting for our food at brunch at Sunny Side. I am going to miss taking her out for her favorite steak. I am going to miss teasing her about putting things back where they go. She hated that I was unorganized growing up. I am going to miss her and her friends ganging up on me. No I mean I am an easy tease.  I am even going to miss her yelling at me. With all her prior health problems, I knew she would be ok if she muster the energy to say "shut up" "let me do it" "leave me alone".

Time is a double edge sword. It is amazing that we are even here. But there is no way to escape our finite existence. But right now I want to scream but can't. My selfish side wants more but knows it would be unfair to her. I have to leave now to go and see her. I hate having to leave at night but she has a room mate so I cant stay all night.

This is heartbreaking and I am so sorry.  Sad I wish there was something I could do to help. Nothing takes away the pain of this kind of loss.
"Of course, everyone will claim they respect someone who tries to speak the truth, but in reality, this is a rare quality. Most respect those who speak truths they agree with, and their respect for the speaking only extends as far as their realm of personal agreement. It is less common, almost to the point of becoming a saintly virtue, that someone truly respects and loves the truth seeker, even when their conclusions differ wildly." 

-walsh
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#26
RE: My mom is dying, going to need an ear.
Able to get another smile out of her just now. She has a favorite rubber duck with an American flag shirt on, or "Patriotic Duck". She is a mostly GOP voting although she did vote for Bernie last year. I teased her just now and told her that duck would now be my favorite too, but that the duck and I had a conversation and he is a liberal duck. I told my mom the duck had to stick up for me for all those times she beat me at backgammon, Yahtzee and poker. She smiled.
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#27
RE: My mom is dying, going to need an ear.
So sorry to hear about your situation. 
I'm an older guy and have had to watch loved ones pass myself. I went through a phase of many family weddings and now I seem to be attending more funerals. All I can tell you is something I heard that resonated with me and I hope it helps you in some small way.

Last days are not lost days. Don't be afraid to tell her you love her and remember that we will all face something similar, so use this to keep what's truly important in perspective.

Best wishes to you and your wonderful Mom.
If god was real he wouldn't need middle men to explain his wants or do his bidding.
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#28
RE: My mom is dying, going to need an ear.
Annnnnd now you're making me cry.  Heart
"Of course, everyone will claim they respect someone who tries to speak the truth, but in reality, this is a rare quality. Most respect those who speak truths they agree with, and their respect for the speaking only extends as far as their realm of personal agreement. It is less common, almost to the point of becoming a saintly virtue, that someone truly respects and loves the truth seeker, even when their conclusions differ wildly." 

-walsh
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#29
RE: My mom is dying, going to need an ear.
(February 22, 2017 at 11:47 am)Brian37 Wrote:
(February 22, 2017 at 11:24 am)Godschild Wrote:



Hoping the best that can be for the both of you.

GC

I am not about to PM any theist for anything never have never will. Your intent is not my issue, but especially now, regardless of your intent or any other theist i really don't want to hear it. All 7 billion of us are the same species and everyone goes through this. Just leave it at "I am sorry and I wish you the best", that is now, not just me, but other atheists would prefer you deal with us in times like this. 

I am posting this right now in a very calm moment because my mom has been more lucid this morning and able to smile for now. THAT is comforting to me. Knowing i will always have her in my thoughts is comforting to me. Knowing that eventually she will not be in any more pain is comforting to me. I have to bite my tongue enough in person I have no desire to have PMs with theists.

Sorry I upset you, that in no way was my intention the PM was an offer not a demand and as I said it wouldn't need to be religious. Glad your mom was able to smile today every good moment is wonderful. I know from experience.

GC
God loves those who believe and those who do not and the same goes for me, you have no choice in this matter. That puts the matter of total free will to rest.
Reply
#30
RE: My mom is dying, going to need an ear.
Brian--so sorry to hear about your mother. I have lost family members as well and it is a terrible experience. Be thankful that you have good memories and a good relationship--so many people don't have that these days.
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