Where Will All Those Virgins Come From?

[Minimalist]

http://www.imaginaryplanet.net/weblogs/i...r-raisins/

The promise of “70 virgins” for Islamic suicide bomber martyrs is in fact a mistranslation of the original text. The correct translation was supposed to be “70 white raisins.” Imagine the disappointment on these people’s faces who upon dying, awake to find themselves to be surrounded on their bed not by virgins but raisins.

Luxenberg tries to show that many obscurities of the Koran disappear if we read certain words as being Syriac and not Arabic. We cannot go into the technical details of his methodology but it allows Luxenberg, to the probable horror of all Muslim males dreaming of sexual bliss in the Muslim hereafter, to conjure away the wide-eyed houris promised to the faithful in suras XLIV.54; LII.20, LV.72, and LVI.22. Luxenberg ‘s new analysis, leaning on the Hymns of Ephrem the Syrian, yields “white raisins” of “crystal clarity” rather than doe-eyed, and ever willing virgins – the houris. Luxenberg claims that the context makes it clear that it is food and drink that is being offerred, and not unsullied maidens or houris.

In Syriac, the word hur is a feminine plural adjective meaning white, with the word “raisin” understood implicitly. Similarly, the immortal, pearl-like ephebes or youths of suras such as LXXVI.19 are really a misreading of a Syriac expression meaning chilled raisins (or drinks) that the just will have the pleasure of tasting in contrast to the boiling drinks promised the unfaithful and damned.

I expect to be on the receiving end of a fatwa from the religion of peace in short order!

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

There's an old joke about this:

After Osama bin Laden is killed, he finds himself in Paradise and asks a passing angel about his 72 virgins. He's told that they'll be along directly.

While pacing back and forth, anticipating all those virgins at his beck and call forever, bin Laden is utterly shocked when Thomas Jefferson walks up and, without a word, punches bin Laden right square in the mouth.  Stunned and bleeding, his just begins to recover from the shock when Patrick Henry appears, and kicks him in the balls.  Lying on the ground and clutching himself in pain, it isn't long before George Washington show up and puts the boot in.

Crawling away, he finds the angel from earlier and gasps, 'I'm being attacked...what about my 72 virgins?'

'Oh, sorry,' says the angel.  'That was a transcription error.  It should have read '72 Virginians.'

Boru

[Mystic]

In Quran, those who are pure their whole lives, in some way or another, are exalted over the people who fell into filth and have to purify themselves.

In, turns out, a lot of humans of the female gender, responded well when God's throne was upon the waters and tested us who would be the best respect for actions.

The pure ones he knew would never disobey him became chosen for roles. 

The men were chosen to be guides who mostly are Prophets, who mostly are Messengers. 

The women were chosen for paradise without being burdened with this world but as a reward for believers and that attraction to these holy sacred females is some way an attraction to God.

Fatima, Sarah, Mary, and other chosen ladies, are superior to these woman in paradise, but these women are akin to humanity, what Angels are akin to Jinn.  There are chosen Angels who are chosen to be Messengers, but all Angels are exalted and close and with God. The same is true of these beautiful pure women.

They are pure and better than us,  so may God make us worthy to be in their paradise and marry us to their sacred holy souls.

[Minimalist]

Speak for yourself!

[Pat Mustard]

Iff your warriors will have seven virgins each, where will they all come from? Is there a secret society that kills pretty girls so they go to heaven as virgins and be ready for your warriors?

Were the virgins just created in heaven? That's kind of unfair isn't it? You have to go through life on earth and risk fucking things up and going to hell, while these chicks have it made in the shade.

It's actually raisins. A fly shat in the wrong place, and they've been saying "virgins" ever since.

True story.

[WinterHold]

"Virgins" is a misleading translation; actually the creatures believers would mate with in paradise are called:

الحور العين
Hoor Al-Eeen

Hoor refers to the "eyeball so very white,but with an iris so very black".
But they will be "not touched by man or Jinn before":

Sura 55,The Quran:

( 56 ) In them are women limiting [their] glances, untouched before them by man or jinni -
( 57 ) So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? -
( 58 ) As if they were rubies and coral.
( 59 ) So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?
( 60 ) Is the reward for good [anything] but good?
( 61 ) So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?
( 62 ) And below them both [in excellence] are two [other] gardens -
( 63 ) So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? -
( 64 ) Dark green [in color].

So virgins is one of the traits they have. But they are "Hoor Een"

[Cyberman]

There's a similar word to 'hoor' in English, but it means pretty much the diametric opposite of virgin.

[brewer]

[edit]

( 62 )   And below them both [in excellence] are two [other] gardens -

[edit]

Two bushes??? I don't know if I'm intrigued or frightened.

[chimp3]

Give me two 40 year old divorced women with gym memberships for eternity and I will blow myself up right now! What the fuck do I want with virgins? I am not Muhammed or Roy Moore!

[Minimalist]

The entire issue of Syrian Xtianity in the region cannot be dismissed.  The Jacobite and Nestorian churches, after being pushed out of the Eastern Empire after they were declared heretics by the Greek-speaking Byzantines at Chalcedon in 451 moved east and thrived under Persian rule.  They were there in the fringe areas that the Byzantines could no longer control.  Their monophysite ideas - god's nature is divine only - seems to be reflected in the later developments of islamic doctrine where allah is god and mohammed serves as his human mouthpiece.  This evolution in the absence of the Imperial power of Byzantium which had to withdraw from the southern regions to protect the capital makes sense.