Adopting Children of Another Race

[Shell B]

I’m very careful about interactions in our house. So many people die without realizing there was a risk.

[Minimalist]

It's a quote from John Rosemond, a psychologist:

In the 1960s, American parents began looking to mental health professionals for child-rearing advice.  Since then, an exponential per-capita increase in child mental health professionals has matched a dramatic deterioration in child mental health.  No new therapy or drug has stopped this downward trend.

John Rosemond

I see several things wrong with the quote, but the most prominent one is it uses the same kind of argument that vaccine denialists use with autism. They see an increase in the number of cases of autism being diagnosed, and magically link it to vaccines, when the accepted theory is just that we've gotten better at diagnosing autism (not to mention, autism is a spectrum, there are levels of severity). I expect the same thing is happening with the deterioration in child mental health, it's not that mental health professionals are causing it, but that they are simply more capable of diagnosing it that they were 50 years ago.

However the quote is without references, so I'd quite like to see any evidence for the contrary.

This is a longish discussion of part of the problem.  The overuse of medications on children.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/larry-dil...14480.html

The United States of Adderall

There are several parts.

[SteelCurtain]

If you bring any child of any race into your home and love them and support them and treat them as your own offspring, you have made a person's life infinitely better, and anyone who tries to question your motivation can be dismissed summarily.

I do not, however, think that race and skin color has zero effect on the child or the consideration of adoption. As a mixed race kid myself (not adopted, mind you), life is different in a lot of ways. There are so many preconceived notions to deal with, so many questions that you have to answer that other people don't, so many things that my father had to prepare me for that white people don't even have on their radar. Brown people have two "the talks." One for sex, and one about how to be a brown woman/man in America. It's a thing. Look it up.

I say this only to bring up the idea that it's not the same. Fuck anyone who would try to say a person adopted a black/Asian/Latin/etc child for some nefarious or selfish reason. People don't do that. If they do they are extreme outliers. I would ascribe this to manufactured internet outrage. But adopting a brown kid and pretending that his/her skin color doesn't matter is perhaps just as shortsighted as presuming someone's intentions. It matters. Being brown presents a set of challenges that white people don't have experience with, and this is important to realize and recognize.

[Shell B]

I’m lucky enough to have enough brown folk in my life that I’m sure I’d have help with preparing them for the realities of being a minority in America. That said, I think about it a lot because I have doubts about every aspect of parenting and my ability to handle it. I think about whether I’ll say something insensitive or make a bad joke (I try to joke all the time. I’ve put the old foot in the mouth more than once.)

In the end, when it comes time to make the decision, it won’t be based on race at all. You love the kid you love. I will worry about it, though, as I worry about everything.

[Sterben]

If you bring any child of any race into your home and love them and support them and treat them as your own offspring, you have made a person's life infinitely better, and anyone who tries to question your motivation can be dismissed summarily.

I do not, however, think that race and skin color has zero effect on the child or the consideration of adoption. As a mixed race kid myself (not adopted, mind you), life is different in a lot of ways. There are so many preconceived notions to deal with, so many questions that you have to answer that other people don't, so many things that my father had to prepare me for that white people don't even have on their radar. Brown people have two "the talks." One for sex, and one about how to be a brown woman/man in America. It's a thing. Look it up.

I say this only to bring up the idea that it's not the same. Fuck anyone who would try to say a person adopted a black/Asian/Latin/etc child for some nefarious or selfish reason. People don't do that. If they do they are extreme outliers. I would ascribe this to manufactured internet outrage. But adopting a brown kid and pretending that his/her skin color doesn't matter is perhaps just as shortsighted as presuming someone's intentions. It matters. Being brown presents a set of challenges that white people don't have experience with, and this is important to realize and recognize.

     Being of any color has it's pros and cons, it's the assumptions about a culture that is dangerous. I'm has white as can be(according to my family history, going back to 1800's) but I don't regard my race has an advantage personally, on the other hand though people of a different skin tone still assume common white social traits and associate them to me. Which annoys the shit out me; as for me caring too much as I've gotten older it bothers me less. As long as the parents who adopt a mix race child and tries to give the best life possible; that is something every child of any background deserves in some sense.

     I don't discount your tale of the "Two Talks", and it's a shame in the twent-first century we're still having this issue. At least for the meantime, we are making progress in the social status of the taboo of mixed race relationships, and having mixed children.

[The Grand Nudger]

I’m lucky enough to have enough brown folk in my life that I’m sure I’d have help with preparing them for the realities of being a minority in America. That said, I think about it a lot because I have doubts about every aspect of parenting and my ability to handle it. 

Exhibit A as to why you'd make a good Mom.  Anyone who doesn't worry about whether or not they're doing it wrong (or could even do it right) shouldn't have children. Worry is the singular qualification of any decent parent. As long as you're worried...you're doing it right.

[Shell B]

I was a stepmom with full custody for six years. They were the scariest/best of my life in some ways. I’m obviously much happier in general now, but having a tiny best friend was awesome.

[The Industrial Atheist]

When I was a Christian (not long ago) a guy I had known for years adopted two black children. I know he and his wife to be very good people and that they would care for them like they were their birth children. That's what really matters.

[Martian Mermaid]

I agree, there is no issue here. As someone who will probably have to adopt if I ever want kids of my own, I've thought about this, and to me, race doesn't matter. I won't pay attention to skin color when picking a kid to adopt. That isn't even a factor to me.
So how can people say I'm adopting them as an accessory? I'd be adopting kids so that I can have a family, not as an accessory.
Besides, it is true that they need somewhere to go.

[mlmooney89]

Brown people have two "the talks." One for sex, and one about how to be a brown woman/man in America. It's a thing. Look it up.

Not that I would doubt you if I hadn't just learned about it but it's interesting that you say this right after I watched Black-ish and they had a whole episode about the talk. I really like the show because it shows me a life that I would never know being white and it shows that race is still an important topic even if white people looking in on a rich black family don't think so.