Reading the bible: please help!

[possibletarian]

If some joker's only intention is to find things in Scripture to mock, there is no shortage of material. But that says more about the intentions and character of the reader than the text itself.

That's just the thing, people are not really mocking the bible on the whole they realise it is not divine revelation to be taken no more seriously than the fantasy books of other religions. It is true that some parables can easily be understood again just like in other religious and none religious texts.

It's not the bible that is being mocked generally, it's the belief of people who base their lives round it's supernatural unproven claims.

[ignoramus]

Hey Possibletarian. You hate cats, no probs, hate Aussie food, no probs, hate my silly humour, no probs, let's talk about other stuff

But if you mock my bible, you are mocking me directly as a person because I am so invested in it now that I can't even tell the difference!

(yeah, that's the problem with theists in a nutshell.) Lovely people the rest of the time but a huge personality defect created by their indoctrination which stops them from being normal on this specific forum.. )

[The Grand Nudger]

Modern believers aren't satisfied with "wooden" literal readings -or- unpacking the fucking terrible allegorical reading.  Mostly, because magic book was written by a culture that a modern believer would find utterly detestable.  They imagined that their god was as detestable as they were.  

Believers, today, like to pretend that it's some other god in those pages. They waste obscene amounts of time and effort trying to make it so.

[Godscreated]

  You need help alright but I'm afraid it's not the kind that the Christians here can give you.

GC

I think it can, Matty 5:29: And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee.

Iggy is now fixed. 

Like I said it's not something we can do. It's up to him.

GC

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^^



I shouldn't laugh (good to know I'm not alone in my thinking!)
If the smart people here think it's all bullshit, maybe there's something to it

Maybe they ain't as smart as you believe them to be, I for one know when it comes to scriptural understanding there are no atheist here that have a clue. You want to call yourselves smart yet you can only mock the scriptures because you are ignorant of what they say. You are doing what you accuse the writers of the scriptures of being, ignorant. Sad, just plain ol' sad.

GC

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  You need help alright but I'm afraid it's not the kind that the Christians here can give you.

GC

So what's your preference GC, cows or donkeys.  Personally I'd say you're a man for the emissions.

You care to try and make some kind of sense, please.

GC

[possibletarian]

Modern believers aren't satisfied with "wooden" literal readings -or- unpacking the fucking terrible allegorical reading.  Mostly, because magic book was written by a culture that a modern believer would find utterly detestable.  They imagined that their god was as detestable as they were.  

Believers, today, like to pretend that it's some other god in those pages.  They waste obscene amounts of time and effort trying to make it so.

That's just the thing, in the context of the writings of it's day the stories do make sense, some are even good life stories or parables I really don't have a problem with the bible.

What I have a problem with is when someone comes to me and tells me it's inspired by a loving good god, that every word is god breathed and we should use it as a template for our lives, That's the point it makes no sense. They are asking you to stop your mocking and see it in context, while at the same time claiming divine inspiration for it, it's the claim that is being mocked, not the bible itself.

And to add insult to injury when something in the bible is proven clearly wrong they say 'you have to see it through the eyes of the people of the time' , well no I don't, not if you are at the same time claiming some timeless, all knowing, all loving god was the inspiration for every word.

There is no provable reason at all to take the bible any more seriously than any other holy book/story/myth of the time.

[Edwardo Piet]

But I'm curious about what kind of rational discussion can be had about those verses. Seriously. They make little sense to me. By all outward appearances they are the barbaric/ignorant utterings of an ancient tribal culture. In that context, the verses make sense. In the context of being part of the Holy and Eternal word of benevolent supreme being, the creator of the majestic universe and its natural laws, they seem incoherent...So that's my rational assessment of the OP's contents. Care to explain what I'm not getting?

This reply is for Vulcanlogic only since he seems serious and respectful...the rest of you can go fuck yourselves.

I'm serious and I'm respectful to theists. But if you think respecting theists as people means I have to respect the worst book ever written, then you can go fuck yourself.

An attack on your beliefs is not an attack on you, moron. That's just a way to avoid your beliefs being criticized.

Of course, I am insulting you personally now... because if you actually think that an attack on your beliefs is an attack on you, so much so that you will insult others for speaking ill of a book, then you really are a fucking twat.

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If some joker's only intention is to find things in Scripture to mock, there is no shortage of material. But that says more about the intentions and character of the reader than the text itself.

No it shows that scripture is full of stuff worthy of mockery. Even a total numbskull could improve that book.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

I just want to know what life lesson I am supposed to learn about mixing   and asses?

It reminds me of that joke about the deodorant called Elephant repellent. Put it on, go down the street and you're guaranteed to NOT see any elephants!

All of the biblical stories are written to illustrate the positive and negative effects of following or disobeying one or more of the Ten Commandments.  So if a person doesn't understand what the real Ten Commandments are (not the phony ones from Exodus chapter 20) he won't be able to fully understand any of the stories.

The story about not mixing oxen and asses illustrates the First Commandment = Exodus 34:12-16.  There are countless xenophobic passages in the Bible that reinforce the segregation practices of the First Commandment.  

The important thing is not to get hung up on the stories themselves but to understand how they are linked to one of the Ten Commandments = Exodus 34:11-28.  All of the miracles are based on Exodus 34:10.  The stories might be silly but the reader or listener is supposed to identify the story with one of the Ten Commandments.

[ignoramus]

WoG, where ya been man?

[Wyrd of Gawd]

WoG, where ya been man?

ignoramus,

Thanks for missing me.  I've been on vacation to my home world in the Sombrero Galaxy.

[vulcanlogician]

If some joker's only intention is to find things in Scripture to mock, there is no shortage of material. But that says more about the intentions and character of the reader than the text itself.

I see what you mean. But, in fairness, such mockery is often the repercussion of so many taking the text too seriously. More seriously than it deserves, really.

Plato's marriage schema as outlined in Book V of the Republic is often mocked and teased for its eccentricity. Now, the Republic is one of my favorite books, but I don't get bent out of shape when people poke fun at Plato in this regard. His plan to "breed" philosopher kings is quite absurd. If there is "no shortage of material" to be mocked, one should expect mockery. I can--and will--defend the Republic against the claim that it is not a useful or insightful work of philosophy. It is. But I cannot--and should not--be upset when people poke fun at it for its absurdities.

That fact that you are offended when people mock the Bible really kind of speaks to my point. As you said, the Bible works on different levels, and even I have "gotten something out of" some of the moral parables and teachings. In one regard, you do a disservice to the valuable portions by saying the entire text is beyond reproach.

That is what I see as the crux of the issue. In some ways, you do see the entire text as beyond reproach and above ridicule. And that's your right. But it is also the right of the OP not to share your view on this. And he doesn't. From his perspective, the Bible is no different from the Republic or any other book, and therefore deserves no special treatment.