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Reading the bible: please help!
April 24, 2018 at 4:32 am
(This post was last modified: April 24, 2018 at 4:35 am by ignoramus.)
Genesis 1:6
Quote:"And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters."
Basically, God decided to create the sky (a solid dome - "hard as a molten mirror"), so that there was something separating all that damn water which the entire universe is made of. The sky occasionally opens it's windows so that some water can come through - this is why it rains.
Essentially, when NASA launch their rockets, they go "bonk!" against the sky dome and fall back down again, and the reason nobody has been on Mars is because they all drowned on the way.
Genesis 1:16
Quote:"And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also."
It all sounds well and good, doesn't it? God makes the sun to light the day, and the moon for night-time. Yes, it would indeed be all well and good, if he hadn't already created and named light, dark, day and night two days ago.
It would seem that God finished creating days on the third day... So where the hell did the first two come from?
Deuteronomy 22:10
Quote:"Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together."
WTF? Someone please explain 
Deuteronomy 23:1
Quote:"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD."
That's right girls! No dickie and plums, no entry! Don't even ask about what customs is like when you get there! 
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Know God, Know fear.
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RE: Reading the bible: please help!
April 24, 2018 at 5:13 am
I think you're taking a rather simplistic view by assuming that the words in the bible are actually the words in the bible, and that their meaning is what they mean. I recommend banging your head against a brick first. This can help things become clearer.
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RE: Reading the bible: please help!
April 24, 2018 at 5:30 am
(This post was last modified: April 24, 2018 at 5:31 am by purplepurpose.)
People want to live forever and forget the misery of this life while awaiting Magical Eternity, even if they will have to "lick" feet of the their Master. Crazy stuff in the H book can be ignored easily when stakes are so high.
I can't say anything bad about such high goals until believers look at me like on a piece of shit that needs to be enlightened/saved.
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RE: Reading the bible: please help!
April 24, 2018 at 6:20 am
I just want to know what life lesson I am supposed to learn about mixing oxxes and asses?
It reminds me of that joke about the deodorant called Elephant repellent. Put it on, go down the street and you're guaranteed to NOT see any elephants!
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RE: Reading the bible: please help!
April 24, 2018 at 6:30 am
Iggy on the ox and ass thing, I believe the bible is saying that if you're going to commit bestiality you have to choose one or the other. No species mixing for devout Jews!
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RE: Reading the bible: please help!
April 24, 2018 at 6:37 am
(This post was last modified: April 24, 2018 at 6:39 am by possibletarian.)
Ha ha you simple minded folk, I mock you, I solved this puzzle long ago.
It means ..Gobshyte, gobshyte, gobshyte.
(April 24, 2018 at 6:30 am)Wololo Wrote: Iggy on the ox and ass thing, I believe the bible is saying that if you're going to commit bestiality you have to choose one or the other. No species mixing for devout Jews!
Of course you had to get up early in case all the good looking ones had gone.
'Those who ask a lot of questions may seem stupid, but those who don't ask questions stay stupid'
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RE: Reading the bible: please help!
April 24, 2018 at 6:42 am
(This post was last modified: April 24, 2018 at 6:42 am by ignoramus.)
(April 24, 2018 at 6:30 am)Wololo Wrote: Iggy on the ox and ass thing, I believe the bible is saying that if you're going to commit bestiality you have to choose one or the other. No species mixing for devout Jews!
Quote:"Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together."
You know how they were rude and disrespectful to women in those days.
Is it possible they were saying if you're married, don't have an affair?
Rude bastards they were! I have no idea why women today even tolerate the bible when they speak like that!
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RE: Reading the bible: please help!
April 24, 2018 at 7:19 am
(This post was last modified: April 24, 2018 at 7:20 am by The Grand Nudger.)
(April 24, 2018 at 4:32 am)ignoramus Wrote: Deuteronomy 22:10
Quote:"Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together."
WTF? Someone please explain
Deuteronomy 23:1
No problem. That's a cautionary analogy about the divine master race working and mixing with the enemy. It's expressed another (and more comprehensible) way in corinthians,
Quote:Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership can righteousness have with wickedness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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RE: Reading the bible: please help!
April 24, 2018 at 8:53 am
So Khem, God basically is the riddler?
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RE: Reading the bible: please help!
April 24, 2018 at 8:55 am
Ig, you need to have the Holy Spirit in you before you can understand anything the Bible says.
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