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Current time: December 5, 2019, 9:36 pm

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Why do I feel so awkward when someone refuses a present from me?
#1
Why do I feel so awkward when someone refuses a present from me?
When someone legitimately refused a present from me, they always did it politely. It was always "You shouldn't have". I never got the feeling that they're ungrateful. I don't have a very strong relationship, nor do I plan to have one with those people. Also, I never invested money or time with those particular presents. I always gave them a present that I myself got earlier and wasn't attached to it.
But in spite of all that, I can't help but feel very awkward. Why is that?
"By simple common sense I don't believe in God, in none"

Charlie Chaplin
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#2
RE: Why do I feel so awkward when someone refuses a present from me?
What?
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#3
RE: Why do I feel so awkward when someone refuses a present from me?
Gifting is a goldmine for sociology and anthropology.  You should really dive in, but, broadly, check your assumptions.  You -do- intend to have a relationship with those to whom you gift, gifting is a way of initiating and maintaining those relationships.  The rejection of a gift is, therefore, a personal rejection.

"Why do I feel awkward, I didn't put time into the regift?".  Doesn't matter, you're wired to gift and wired to expect a level of response and take that response as an indicator of the the status of the relationship.  You feel awkward because your relationship with the recipient is awkward.  They were supposed to say thank you and then regift your gift.

We're natural born share-ers.   Hungry
When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for a battle to commence then KPLOW, I hit em with the illness of my quill, Im endowed..with certain unalienable skills....  

-ERB


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#4
RE: Why do I feel so awkward when someone refuses a present from me?
Don't give presents with attached expectations.
God(s) and religions are man made and the bane of humanity. 

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. Ozzy or Twain/take your pick
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#5
RE: Why do I feel so awkward when someone refuses a present from me?
because it's a social exchange not a freely given gift. With a gift, expectations aren't attached.
"There ought to be a term that would designate those who actually follow the teachings of Jesus, since the word 'Christian' has been largely divorced from those teachings, and so polluted by fundamentalists that it has come to connote their polar opposite: intolerance, vindictive hatred, and bigotry." -- Philip Stater, Huffington Post

always working on cleaning my windows- me regarding Johari
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#6
RE: Why do I feel so awkward when someone refuses a present from me?
Depends on the culture and your relationship with the giver. Eg In Japan, one bows politely ,says thank you, and opens the gift later, in private. Japanese society has a complex system of reciprocal gift giving, as well as things it is impolite to give...... Just hope you never become involved, it can be a nightmare.

here in Oz, I was taught that the minimal polite response is "thank you".

"You shouldn't have" is false modesty and disrespects and often annoys the giver. To refuse a gift is churlish.

In my country there is often an implicit reciprocity with gifts, especially with family.

Gae Bolga is right I think; each country has its own customs of reciprocity, whether in goods or favours* .This often seems unrelated to Christian
values.

Think of Don Corleone's 'favours'. Real life is a lot like that, differing only by degree.
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#7
RE: Why do I feel so awkward when someone refuses a present from me?
Deleted.
"Our attitudes towards things like race or gender operate on two levels. First of all, we have our conscious attitudes. This is what we choose to believe. These are our stated values, which we use to direct our behavior deliberately ... But the IAT [Implicit Association Test] measures something else. It measures our second level of attitude, our racial attitude on an unconscious level - the immediate, automatic associations that tumble out before we've even had time to think. We don't deliberately choose our unconscious attitudes. And ... we may not even be aware of them. The giant computer that is our unconscious silently crunches all the data it can from the experiences we've had, the people we've met, the lessons we've learned, the books we've read, the movies we've seen, and so on, and it forms an opinion." - Malcolm Gladwell
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#8
RE: Why do I feel so awkward when someone refuses a present from me?
(March 5, 2019 at 6:48 am)Der/die AtheistIn Wrote: When someone legitimately refused a present from me, they always did it politely. It was always "You shouldn't have". I never got the feeling that they're ungrateful. I don't have a very strong relationship, nor do I plan to have one with those people. Also, I never invested money or time with those particular presents. I always gave them a present that I myself got earlier and wasn't attached to it.
But in spite of all that, I can't help but feel very awkward. Why is that?

I have a few book recommendations for you. The author in both cases is the late Dr. Wayne Dyer. He has a few shortcomings (especially in his later books) in that he sometimes delves into New-Age woo but IMO, his early books are very practical and useful. Look up:

Your Erroneous Zones

and

Pulling Your Own Strings

I believe you put a LOT of crap into your own mind and are self-poisoning to a large degree. I also think you have a major non-assertiveness problem. I think both of these books would help you.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Albert Einstein
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#9
RE: Why do I feel so awkward when someone refuses a present from me?
I get on quite well with my ex-wife now, but a few years ago I bought her a hand made clothes peg basket at x-mas time.
'No thanks', she said, 'the one I've got now is just fine.'
Must have been too soon, but I was really taken back by it.
I had expectations of a peaceful way forward between the two of us, but she obviously wasn't ready.
We don't do gifts now, but we often exchange books we've enjoyed, so that's good enough for me. :-)




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#10
RE: Why do I feel so awkward when someone refuses a present from me?
(March 5, 2019 at 6:48 am)Der/die AtheistIn Wrote: When someone legitimately refused a present from me, they always did it politely. It was always "You shouldn't have". I never got the feeling that they're ungrateful. I don't have a very strong relationship, nor do I plan to have one with those people. Also, I never invested money or time with those particular presents. I always gave them a present that I myself got earlier and wasn't attached to it.
But in spite of all that, I can't help but feel very awkward. Why is that?

If they legitimately refuse to take the present, I can understand why you'd feel awkward. That's akin to being rejected. But if they're just saying, "You shouldn't have" but then taking the present, they're just trying to be polite!

I rarely buy presents for people except for people I'm extremely close with.
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
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