Can a mistake be so big, that the one who did will never have your respect again?

[bennyboy]

Is it possible for someone to make such a big mistake, that you will never respect them again no matter what they do? What if you still appreciate the good about them and still want a relationship with them, but you tell them: "Your mistake was so big that our relationship will have a big ugly hole forever, even if it's alright otherwise.". I personally think that the worst mistakes are the ones who have or could have terrible consequences on others than yourself and innocents as well, could've been easily avoided, the offender had zero or very little impulse to do so as well a lot of obvious reasons not to and the offender had good intentions. If they have bad intentions they either lack empathy or choose to ignore it. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that evil people are worse than well intentioned people, but I find it harder to forgive the ones who have good intentions, because if they fail to do good, they fail to accomplish what they tried to. As far as I know, psychopats didn't choose to be the way they are, so there's that. And if someone has empathy, but refuses to follow it, they might be victims themselves, but even if they aren't, I would have less expectations from them, than from someone with good intentions, at least average intelligence and that hasn't been brainwashed or forced to do and/or believe extremely stupid and/or distructive things.

Of course they can.

If someone rapes or kills my child, I'll drag them into a dugout basement and tear strips of skin off them for a few years and fuck them with a cactus on weekends.  There's no redemption there.

[outtathereligioncloset]

In your opinion, what was their motivation, thought process, or reason for their actions? Don't overthink this answer, just go for a knee-jerk reaction type answer to that question if you will------likely a one word answer like "greed" or "meanness" or "insecurity" by way of examples.

[bennyboy]

In your opinion, what was their motivation, thought process, or reason for their actions?   Don't overthink this answer, just go for a knee-jerk reaction type answer to that question if you will------likely a one word answer like "greed" or "meanness" or "insecurity"  by way of examples.

It doesn't matter what someone's motivations were.  If they are in any way connected to harm to my family, they're going to face consequences.

[arewethereyet]

Is it possible for someone to make such a big mistake, that you will never respect them again no matter what they do? What if you still appreciate the good about them and still want a relationship with them, but you tell them: "Your mistake was so big that our relationship will have a big ugly hole forever, even if it's alright otherwise.". I personally think that the worst mistakes are the ones who have or could have terrible consequences on others than yourself and innocents as well, could've been easily avoided, the offender had zero or very little impulse to do so as well a lot of obvious reasons not to and the offender had good intentions. If they have bad intentions they either lack empathy or choose to ignore it. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that evil people are worse than well intentioned people, but I find it harder to forgive the ones who have good intentions, because if they fail to do good, they fail to accomplish what they tried to. As far as I know, psychopats didn't choose to be the way they are, so there's that. And if someone has empathy, but refuses to follow it, they might be victims themselves, but even if they aren't, I would have less expectations from them, than from someone with good intentions, at least average intelligence and that hasn't been brainwashed or forced to do and/or believe extremely stupid and/or distructive things.

Of course they can.

If someone rapes or kills my child, I'll drag them into a dugout basement and tear strips of skin off them for a few years and fuck them with a cactus on weekends.  There's no redemption there.

I wouldn't see rape or murder as a mistake.  

I think what need to be clarified in this thread is the difference between a mistake and an intentional act.

[Aoi Magi]

If someone rapes or kills my child, I'll drag them into a dugout basement and tear strips of skin off them for a few years and fuck them with a cactus on weekends.  There's no redemption there.

Nobody rapes by "mistake", but killing or serious physical injuries can occur due to a mistake, and I understand it might be hard to forgive especially if it happens to a family member but still if it wasn't intentional, there is no justification for seeking active vengeance.

[Der/die AtheistIn]

For me "mistake" implies that the other party did whatever they did unknowingly and so I wouldn't hold it against them for long, irrespective of the consequence, provided once they realise their mistake they at least try to make amends for it!

I'd say the golden rule applies here too, put yourself in their shoes and think, if you'd have done that mistake would you want the other side to hold against you or give you a chance to make amends?

If the mistake I did was really stupid, if it had all the criterias I listed in the OP and to a very high level I don't think I would see myself as worthy of forgiveness.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Well, Hitler only invaded countries on three continents and people STILL thought he was a dick...

[Anomalocaris]

Well, Hitler only invaded countries on three continents and people STILL thought he was a dick...

Actually, he invaded countries on 4 continents. He mounted a little noticed invasion of Canada around 1943 that Canada didn’t become aware of until the 1970s.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I've been schooled on a topic I've studied since 1964.

[Jackalope]

If, for example, my neighbor was "cleaning" his gun (this is America, after all), and negligently discharged it and the bullet killed my wife, one of my kids, or one of my pets - or anyone else for that matter - you're damn right I'd lose all respect.