Things I've Learned From Action Films

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

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"If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you're going to die. So they'll talk. They'll gloat. They'll watch you squirm. They'll put off the moment of murder like another man will put off a good cigar. So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word."

— Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

How to look very, very cool walking away from an explosion. 

Some of those "walking away calmly" clips actually make sense, Iron Man's in his suit, the Joker's insane, and both George Clooney (in his first clip, not the From Dusk til Dawn one) and the French officer in the WW1 film needed (for different reasons) to project calm in the eye of a big 'splosion.

PS from the OP, the spoon one is completely true in real life too.  In a pinch though you can tie a potato around your neck.

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Any TV detective show the killer is the character who seems the least likely to have done the killing UNLESS there is a famous actor guest star there, in which case they did it.

And in Murder She Wrote.  Jessica Fletcher did all them killings then framed a whole load of innocent people.

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Once the evil doer starts to verbally masturbate the end is close at hand.

"If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you're going to die. So they'll talk. They'll gloat. They'll watch you squirm. They'll put off the moment of murder like another man will put off a good cigar. So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word."

— Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

I like to call the last bit 'The James Bond Effect'.  All that tedious mucking about with shark tanks and laser beams is why Bond always wins.  At virtually any point, Blofeld could have just put one in Bond's eye and been done with it.  But no....

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

PS from the OP, the spoon one is completely true in real life too.

Sure, if in real life you happen to be Jason Statham.  Trouble is, the supply of Stathams is pretty limited.

Boru

[Fireball]

*Large warehouse type building required

    *warehouses have places to suspend bound good guys so they can be beaten, right before they have all hey can take they will have a flashback of their beloved, then they find some hidden store of energy and strength and are able to extricate from the situation using a little bit of cunning and a lot of gymnastic skills

    *what will help with above is that there will be another good guy who is on a catwalk and is armed with exotic knives as well as at least one gun that he/she will use to take out the bad guys - this is a right in the nick of time scenario and no one, maybe not even good guy number one, expected it

    *nearly everyone, good or bad, is skilled in martial arts, boxing, and/or is a crack shot who can take the wings off a fly halfway across the dark and dreary warehouse

    *the majority of the movie will be loud enough to make your ears bleed

On that last, I won't go to the movies unless I have earplugs. It's criminal how loud the sound is played...and I used to drag race my car with open headers (no mufflers).

[Jackalope]

You can totally fire an RPG from the inside of a helicopter without the backblast fucking up your world.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

You can totally fire an RPG from the inside of a helicopter without the backblast fucking up your world.

[Pat Mustard]

I like to call the last bit 'The James Bond Effect'.  All that tedious mucking about with shark tanks and laser beams is why Bond always wins.  At virtually any point, Blofeld could have just put one in Bond's eye and been done with it.  But no....

Boru

Ah, but then he'd be like Hank Scorpio, a man without style. And what is more important to the truly evil man, I ask, winning or style?

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PS from the OP, the spoon one is completely true in real life too.

Sure, if in real life you happen to be Jason Statham.  Trouble is, the supply of Stathams is pretty limited.

Boru

All I know is that there are never any spoons in the kitchen at work. The coppers have taken them all, and they're the good guys.

[Anomalocaris]

You can totally fire an RPG from the inside of a helicopter without the backblast fucking up your world.

Well, actually you can.  With some.

Modern RPGs are typically designed to be able to be fired from inside a small confined space.

They usually use a small explosive charge to throw the rocket clear of the firer and firing space before the rocket motor ignites.  The back blast from the rocket is safe when the rocket motor ignites.

The explosive charge does vent backward as rocket is thrown forwards, but it’s effects are mitigated because the charge is small, and some soft frangible substance like styrofoam is often used to muffle the effect the back blast from the charge.

[A. Secular Human]

Coffee pots in the break room are always full, so you can throw the contents into the bad guy's face, escape and/or provide the final coup de grace to his head with the coffee pot.

In my experience, the coffee pot in the break room always had an eighth of an inch of sludge in it.  You know, just enough so the previous person could say (to themselves) that they didn't take the last of it, so it wasn't their responsibility to make a new batch, but never enough to take out a bad guy.  Selfish bastards.

But I'm not bitter (unlike the coffee).

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

If you're the good guy, you can take several blows to the head with a metal pipe, two bullets, three stab wounds, a fall of at least twenty feet, and still be able to fight effectively.

If you're the bad guy, a punch to the face or a bullet to the knee will incapacitate you just long enough for the good guy to get away.

Boru