[Serious] Relationships: Finding your perfect match and then losing them.

[Porcupine]

Every person in every couple you have ever met has failed in every relationship except the one they are currently in and even that one might end at any moment. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you know what else is in the sea? microplastics.

I love that song. It really emphasizes that the other person isn't really perfect. I love Tim Minchin.

But I do think that the other person can be really rare and so rare that you will never meet somebody so awesome ever again in your mere lifetime because life is short.

---

But what about the possibility that they were slightly too good for me. Not because they are egotistical. But because they really do deserve slightly better.  This may mean that I deserve slightly worse ... but it may also be true that they will never find anybody better than me but I'm still not good enough and they're better off alone. Is this making sense?

If they were too good for you, then they weren’t perfect for you. Is sounds as if you're describing an obsession and not a relationship.


Boru

Slightly too good for me but so slightly that they may not find somebody else as good for them as me but they're still better off, perhaps, without me.

It's not an obsession. Why? Because I can be somewhat happy and live my life without them. It's not an obsession because it's not a need and what we had was mutual.

I'm still just here left wondering what to do and having to wonder if I'll ever meet anybody that I want to be with ever again when any future person will always live under their shadow.

[chimp3]

If you find the perfect match for you romantic relationship-wise but then you lose them ... then what?

Don't take it from me (been divorced twice) but the key to a long relationship is realizing it's not perfect. Neither are you and your S.O..

[Ranjr]

Perfect = perfect for me.

I don't know how to re-evaluate that. Perfect for me is the perfect match for me.

Is a life without sex and romance worth living it as a monogamous person who doesn't want to ever settle for second best? I'm not asexual or aromantic.

You re-evaluate by having more experiences.  Your idea of perfect is very unlikely to match your reality of "perfect."  Ideals only exist in your thoughts.  Physical reality comes as a surprise and is less than perfect.

You sound a little overly dramatic.  I'm sorry the relationship didn't work, and you are hurt.  You need a transition girl.

[Abaddon_ire]

If you find the perfect match for you romantic relationship-wise but then you lose them ... then what?

Then you move on. This myth of the perfect match puzzles me. I suppose Holywood has a lot to answer for.

[Gnomey]

I'm someone who believes that there good be thousands of "perfect" matches out there for me. I'm very lucky to be with one of them right now. But if I were to ever lose him, for whatever reason, I don't think I'd lose hope - I know there must be more awesome people out there. Obviously, I'd be devastated - I love my partner like crazy. It's perfectly normal to mourn someone you've lost. Feel the grief, experience it. Examine it. Work your way through it in whatever way works best for you. On the other side of it, when you're ready, you can start meeting new people. You never know - someone may surprise you.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Three out of four of my marriages have been very happy. Then two of the ladies died. I moved on. Nothing else I could do.

[brewer]

Happiness is transient and over rated. And I'm not sure I understand "love".

[Rhizomorph13]

I never wanted to marry a woman with kids but when I met my wife she was "31 with two kids, one 6, one 8" That was the first thing she said to me. We've been together almost 10 years. We bought a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue to celebrate.

[Rev. Rye]

A couple years ago, during my days at Columbia, just as I started to go to therapy and develop some confidence, I found a new girl. A bit tomboyish, short hair, and she refused to wear shoes. If you don't know, I have an autism spectrum disorder, a past that doesn't help make me more personable, and a foot fetish. And I'm sure you know the sort of gut reaction a lot of people have about foot fetishes. And then, one week, I worked up the courage to actually talk with her. I opened with "Nice shoes. An all-natural pair.'



And yes, she actually allowed me to take that picture. We seemed to hit it off. And at the time, it felt like I'd gone through the real-life equivalent of this scene from Ed Wood. (And I chose this scene partly because I rewatched it a few days ago and partly because in my experience, people still aren't much more tolerant of foot fetishism than they would have been of transvestism in the 1950s.)





And for a few weeks, I was convinced I finally had a girlfriend. We only met for a few minutes a week, and I can remember one incident where we were at a short story reading, and I saw her resting her dusty bare feet on the back of some other girl, and when she noticed I was there, she looked back and smiled. Once the event was over, the other girl tried to dust off the part of her shirt her feet were on. And then, one week, I finally worked up the courage to exchange email addresses. Somehow, it was this that scared her (although it could have been that I mentioned that I liked her.) She wrote her email address and handed it to me like she was giving up her money to a mugger. I emailed her, hoping to ease her into it. Her response: "I'm gay." The next week I saw her, the first words out of my mouth are "I'm so sorry." The conversation went well, though we eventually fell out of touch.

I haven't really bothered with getting another girlfriend. I'm still not much more confident in assuming that women have finally figured out that foot fetishism (especially the kind I have, which is mostly centered around barefoot girls, which, unlike a lot of fashion trends, doesn't put toxic expectations on their body image and reinforces a behaviour I strongly expect most women would do if left to their own devices anyway) is mostly harmless, especially when the second-most-viewed video about it on Youtube is about an alleged sexual predator at Nickelodeon, and even the most popular foot fetish site on the web recently ran this (SFW as long as you stay on that one page) poll and it turns out that it's still stigmatised enough that a majority DON'T EVEN TELL THEIR OWN SIGNIFICANT OTHERS ABOUT IT. I still didn't have much hope that most other girls who aren't barefooters will react well, and the only other girl I've ever met in person who was a comparable barefooter was an older woman who worked at Door County Stargazers that I met last summer, and the closest I ever got with her was when she asked if I found everything I wanted, I said "for the most part."
f
And, honestly, my issues with people haven't gotten much better, and I still work 20 hours a week at a candy shop designed to help autistic people. Frankly, as someone whose mother had several Cluster B personality disorders, in addition to all this, I don't expect that it won't be like this a lot of the time:




So, I've chosen to compensate with a body pillow customised with images of Alison Lohman. I recognise that this situation won't be for everyone. So, if you think you can find The One, keep trying!

[Ranjr]

Heavy stuff, Rev.  Check this out.  Trish the Dish is 5' 7", 120 lbs, blonde, blue eyes, curvy, perky, half Irish, half Puerto Rican, upbeat, affectionate, little Mary sunshine.

Her feet are hideous.  Veiny, with tendons protruding like cypress roots, Prince Charming would have thrown up in his mouth, then projectile spewed all over them.

Doesn't bother me at all.  Those feet got her here.  Nothing like the sun.