Stupid things religious people say

[Fake Messiah]

[Fake Messiah]

What will he say when the flood doesn't happen??

'I prayed so very, very hard that God decided to spare the world because of my faith', or some similar rubbish.

Boru

Here's what happened:

‘End Of World On Dec 25’ Prophecy Turns False, Ghana’s ‘Prophet’ Explains...& Buys A Mercedes Car — Who Is Ebo Noah?

When nothing happened on Christmas Day, Enoch said the disaster had not been cancelled but only delayed. He explained that God has given him extra time to finish his work and spread his message. He also said he has now been told to make the ark project bigger so that more people who want to be saved can be included.

The story has drawn even more attention after reports said he bought a luxury Mercedes using money given by followers for the ark project. Thousands of people had even arrived near the site, hoping to be saved from the flood. Among them was a man from Liberia who is now stuck in Elmina, unsure of what will happen next.

Even though Ebo Enoch said he never sold tickets or asked people for money, recent reports suggest a different story. It is being said that he used donations to buy a Mercedes car worth $89,000 and photos of it have been circulating online. Many were stunned to see how so many followers trusted him and gave away their money. Enoch also shared videos of himself checking the ships and walking around the site, which made his claims look real and helped strengthen the faith of those who believed him.

Many people took Ebo Enoch’s words seriously because of the heavy rains across several parts of Ghana. The bad weather added to their fear and made his warning look real. As a result, in panic, many started believing that the floods he spoke about were actually coming.

https://www.news18.com/viral/who-is-ebo-...92513.html

I don't get why they call him by two names: Ebo Noah and Ebo Enoch.

[Fake Messiah]

The Virgin Mary has appeared recently in the wrinkles on a rag that was hanging in a church in Las Vegas, and somehow that is a newsworthy story for Fox 5.

[Fake Messiah]

Mass must go on.

When a Woman Collapsed at Mass, The Priest Kept Going

I witnessed something at Saturday afternoon Mass in Lynn, MA that I'm still processing days later.

A 76-year-old woman sitting directly in front of me fainted and collapsed onto the hard marble aisle, hitting her head.

I called 911. The fire department arrived. Paramedics quietly worked on her in the middle of the aisle while she lay there conscious but shaken.

And through it all, the collapse, the 911 call, the arrival of first responders, the gurney, the priest never stopped Mass. Not even for a moment.

Now, we were about 30 rows back from the altar, so maybe he didn't see it happen. But the commotion was impossible to miss. Emergency personnel walking up the aisle. A woman on the floor. Parishioners visibly concerned.

The Mass continued without pause. No acknowledgment. No "let us pray for this woman." Nothing. If the priest did say something, I missed it!

I was not angry. I was just confused. Should he have paused? Should he have said something? Was this the right call?

Maybe that's protocol. Maybe that's pastoral wisdom I don't understand. But it didn't feel right.

The woman is okay, thank God. My fiancé stayed with her until paramedics arrived, and the firefighters were incredible.
https://live959.com/woman-collapse-church-lynn/

[Fireball]

^ Might be a protocol for that. Back many years ago, someone had a problem that required paramedics in a church I was at. The priest mentioned something about it at the end, but the service hadn't pause. I was in the "Doubter's Pew"- the last row of seats- so I didn't see any of it happen. I was at least 100 feet away, though.

[Fake Messiah]

And the priest probably got used to people getting sick and even dying during the mass, considering that the median age of a churchgoer is like 72. So if he stopped mass every time someone died, let alone hit their head on the floor while fainting, the masses would go on for hours every day.

[Fake Messiah]

It turns out that God made Rocky movies because Sylvester Stallone does not take credit for his work, but credits God instead.

God also wrote his new book/ autobiography that Stallone wrote longhand because he doesn't know how to press buttons on the keyboard.

[Fake Messiah]

1113 guys in just half of day, and now she's becoming a Christian. I guess after you had thousands of dicks inside you and you finally reach your limit, that final dick that turns you to Christianity is called the golden dick.

[Fake Messiah]

Zohran Mamdani wants to kill 100 million people and take away freedom because he said people should work together instead of alone.

Bishop Robert Barron slams Zohran Mamdani’s ‘warmth of collectivism’ line: ‘For God’s sake’

During his inaugural address, the newly minted socialist mayor and New York’s first Muslim mayor, declared, “We will replace the frigidity of rugged individualism with the warmth of collectivism,.”

The line prompted immediate backlash from Bishop Robert Barron, a prominent Catholic leader, who took to X to say Mamdani’s declaration “took my breath away.”

“He said he intended to replace ‘the frigidity of rugged individualism with the warmth of collectivism.’ Collectivism in its various forms is responsible for the deaths of at least 100 million people in the last century,” Barron wrote.

“For God’s sake, spare me the ‘warmth of collectivism.’

“Socialist and communist forms of government around the world today — Venezuela, Cuba, North Korea, etc. — are disastrous,” explained Barron.

“Catholic social teaching has consistently condemned socialism and has embraced the market economy, which people like Mamdani caricature as ‘rugged individualism.’

“In fact, it is the economic system that is based upon the rights, freedom and dignity of the human person.”

https://nypost.com/2026/01/02/us-news/bi...gods-sake/

[Fake Messiah]

Here's a bet you can't lose.

Bet Against Christ’s Return Pays 5.5% Annual Gain on Polymarket

Jesus Christ did not return to Earth in 2025. This might not come as particularly surprising or noteworthy to most people. But for a certain crowd of bettors, it was terrific news.

There are any number of random, oddball bets offered on the prediction market Polymarket, though few are quite as curious as the “Will Jesus Christ Return in 2025?” wager. Some $3.3 million was placed on the bet over the course of the year. Most of that money, of course, came in on “No” and yet there were strong-enough believers among the Polymarket crowd, it turns out, to keep the probability of his return by year-end above 3% throughout most of the spring.

For those who bet “No” in April, when Second Coming speculation crescendoed on the site, the investment returned a tidy annualized profit of 5.5%, albeit before fees, according to one reckoning. That’s better, it’s worth noting, than US Treasury bills — the financial-market baseline for a sure thing.

The contract wasn’t very specific about how Polymarket would determine whether the Lord had returned — “The resolution source for this market will be a consensus of credible sources,” it read — but the site promptly posted a win for the “No” camp on Jan. 1.

The wagering has now shifted to whether Jesus will return by the end of 2026. Right now, Polymarket bettors are giving it a 2% chance, making the gain on a winning “Yes” over 5,700%.

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/...polymarket