(August 25, 2015 at 9:44 pm)Rhythm Wrote: Ever tried having fun with it?

No, it never turns out to be a funny situation. He takes everything as offense or an attack on him. He looks for problems, so no, I can't do that with him. I could say, "It's a nice day out," and he'll be like, "There are no nice days in this town, I hate it here." And, I'm the one suffering just for existing in this town, and I try to find ways to enjoy my life.

(August 25, 2015 at 8:31 pm)Yeauxleaux Wrote: To be completely honest if I had a family member like that I'd cut them loose once I'm financially stable enough on my own. Ciao, sashay away, may the odds be ever in your favour bitch.

Why keep these people around if they're a waste of space? Just because you're blood relatives? Fuck that, let them drift off into the sunset (or go yourself if they won't).

I’ve been wanting to do that for about a decade. I can’t tell you how many times I almost just packed up and left, but I wasn’t comfortable enough doing it. I almost joined a benedictine monastery when I was 24, because of how horribly I wanted to get away from him for good. I’m glad it didn’t work out. Most of the people were very nice, but the whole day, it felt like a cult, not to mention it’s a bunch of bullshit. I probably didn’t stop believing until I was about 26, although, I had doubts when I was 12 and didn’t really buy into religion for a few years when I was in my late teens and early 20’s.

That’s what I’m trying to do.. say, “Fuck him” I’m ignoring everything he’s sending me.

huh, ever wonder whether he might be having a little bit of fun with you? Old people can be dicks.....it's -really- hard to catch em at it...

(August 25, 2015 at 9:46 pm)Minimalist Wrote: As the saying goes, Sal, "you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family."  While true the corollary is also true:  "You can ignore either if they turn out to be asswipes."

You owe him nothing.  He sounds like a first-class cunt and you are right, he's never going to change.  So fuck him.  His behavior has no impact on him but it sounds as if it is killing you.  Write him off.

Yeah, he is a massive fucking cunt, and doesn't deserve a family. His existence has been eating away at me for some time now, it's amazing how I made it through. And, if this actually all works out, I still have a very tough road ahead, but that's life.. What can I do? I'll do what I can I guess, and try to take advantage of every situation that I can (that is moral) that will benefit for me.

(August 25, 2015 at 9:48 pm)Salacious B. Crumb Wrote: He had periods of his life where he drank a lot, but when I was born, my mother must have said something within the first few months of me being alive to him to make him stop. Which doesn’t sound like him, because he doesn’t listen to anybody. He’ll listen to a stranger’s advice off the street, and take as absolute truth, but when someone says something to him in his family, “Don’t tell me what to do!” blah blah blah. He didn’t drink for years, and started drinking again probably 10 years ago. He drinks once or twice a week, and no one wants to be around him at all when he’s drinking. The narcissist kicks into full gear. Some of the family members on his side are almost exactly the same. Some have had kids, and haven’t spoken to them in 30+ years, because they act so similar.. The unemployment for years has been a big part of the problem in the house, but we pretty much know he’ll never work again. He won’t take direction from anyone, and won’t stop telling people how to do their jobs or he won’t take any sort of order from his boss, so he’ll just quit and tell them to fuck off. He’s his own boss, end of story. And no assessment, I doubt he’d ever go for that. I doubt this is the root cause, he’s just wants to live in misery, and wants everyone around him in misery as well. That seems to be my assessment, his side of the family is negative as hell and looooovvvveesss drama.

Thanks for the info. There is no cure for asshole. Sounds like you need to do what his family members do, keep him on the outside. Be weary of the false repentant.

(August 25, 2015 at 9:58 pm)Rhythm Wrote: huh, ever wonder whether he might be having a little bit of fun with you?  Old people can be dicks.....it's -really- hard to catch em at it...

Not sure if you're trying to have fun with me right now in a more serious thread, but, NO, he's a narcissist, and doesn't give a fuck what he says or does. He doesn't care that the things he says or does around him hurt others. He turns it into a ME ME ME thing.

"What about me? I've got it so rough. "Remember that thing you did to me when you were 13? That really hurt too you know."

It's funny how much of a god-fearing man he is. The more and more religious he became, the more and more of a piece shit he became. I know it doesn't always work that way, but it's more likely to happen, because they "know" what they believe comes from god, and everything they do is justified. All they have to do is say, "Sorry jesus" or go confess their sins to a pedophile, then they're totally clean again. Religion fucking blows...

(August 25, 2015 at 10:10 pm)Salacious B. Crumb Wrote: It's funny how much of a god-fearing man he is. The more and more religious he became, the more and more of a piece shit he became. I know it doesn't always work that way, but it's more likely to happen, because they "know" what they believe comes from god, and everything they do is justified. All they have to do is say, "Sorry jesus" or go confess their sins to a pedophile, then they're totally clean again. Religion fucking blows...

Same with my dad: the more religious he got, the more of a dick he was. I really don't get that, but it seems that way with a lot of religious people.

I'm really sorry he's been giving you so much grief He sounds like a total dick, and is not worthy of you as a son.

Sadly, I can totally relate. My father drove me to suicidal depression through his psychological bullying and manipulation. He sounds fairly similar to yours, just replace the religion part with a massive ego. In the end the only way I could keep my sanity was to cut him out emotionally completely, to stop caring about anything he said ever. I also had to minimise the contact I had with him.

Getting away from him however you can sounds like the first order of business, for sure. We don't choose our parents, and we have no duty to put up with their abuse and "love" them anyway. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with all this, and I hope you can find a way to live a settled life away from him.

@ Crumb,

Your father and my mother were separated at birth, I think.

I can't really advise you, not really knowing you,

but this is what i said to my mother:

Mom:  This is a one-way communication,
you may take it or leave it,
but it will not be open to comment or debate, whatsoever.

I don't seek to offend or hurt you,
but you're going to believe what you want;
I can simply no longer afford to invest energy in convincing you that offense was not intended.

I've tried my best to cope with our situation, and maybe I failed,
but in any event, I've reached the end of my willingness to sink any more of my time or resources
in what seems to be a futile endeavor.

it's not because I don't care,
but because it's not making any difference.

Sadly, I feel that continue to invest energy into mending this relationship
will only yield diminishing returns.

I'm moving on.  Please do not seek reassurances from me, I cannot give them.

I'm sorry for my mistakes,
and if you ever find yourself wanting my forgiveness,
please know you already have it...

...but that does NOT translate into your having carte blanche to restore the old status quo.

With absolute sincerity, and zero antagonism,
I encourage you to seek professional help.

I love you Mom, and I hope you find peace and mental health.

Me