(September 19, 2016 at 7:55 pm)SenpaiNoticeMeYouBlindShmuck Wrote:

(September 19, 2016 at 7:42 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: Wouldn't a sensitive partner be aware of those insecurities you speak of?

Ehhhhhh......

I imagine ideally yes, one would share insecurities and ideally one would be empathetic enough to not trigger them. However, just speaking personally, part of me feels that perhaps my own negative feelings towards a partner watching porn are unreasonable. Assuming it was a fairly standard monogamous set up I'm not being "cheated" on and it's not being done behind my back, so complaining about a harmless activity purely because of my own issues (i.e: fear or jealousy of being replaced by a porn star perhaps?) seems unfair somehow. I'm not even entirely sure why I feel displeasure at the idea, although I think most of it is "what can they give them that I can't?".

If I was to be perfectly honest though, I likely would never mention or give sign of unease for the above reason so they wouldn't have a clue. Not from fear of making my own case, more than making them feel guilty for what is really a victimless activity.

I think your feelings are perfectly reasonable. You don't have to think there is something wrong with you for not being comfortable with your spouse getting off to videos/photos of other people, rather than you. People have different comfort levels and different values when it comes to sex and fidelity. There's nothing wrong with that.

Fidelity is an emotional concept. Some people don't see it that way, but I do.

Just discovered this thread. I started reading the first few but then thought I should just consider the question afresh first.

So my response is that yes, I do have concern about the ready availability of porn for younger people (especially boys since I think we are wired more strongly for visual stimulation). But I think my concern is akin to my concern that video games or social media are warping in a way. Kids today engage in different activities than I did but there are trade offs with benefits and costs which probably cut both ways.

That said I think it is a shame if young people don't develop the capacity to find stimulation through the exercise of their own imagination. I have no problem with masturbation, in fact I suspect it is important. My only concern is that porn may render them passive and less involved. Ultimately, I see nothing wrong with porn for adults; my only concern is for the developmental aspect.

Now I'll see if I can follow where this has led. Once again you bring up a fascinating and complex question.

(September 20, 2016 at 2:49 am)Whateverist Wrote: Just discovered this thread.  I started reading the first few but then thought I should just consider the question afresh first.  

So my response is that yes, I do have concern about the ready availability of porn for younger people (especially boys since I think we are wired more strongly for visual stimulation).  But I think my concern is akin to my concern that video games or social media are warping in a way.  Kids today engage in different activities than I did but there are trade offs with benefits and costs which probably cut both ways.

That said I think it is a shame if young people don't develop the capacity to find stimulation through the exercise of their own imagination.  I have no problem with masturbation, in fact I suspect it is important.  My only concern is that porn may render them passive and less involved.  Ultimately, I see nothing wrong with porn for adults; my only concern is for the developmental aspect.

Now I'll see if I can follow where this has led.  Once again you bring up a fascinating and complex question.

I was an unimaginative youth. I also had parents who refused to talk about sexual issues with me at all, and indeed tabooed it, so I was on my own. I stole a copy of Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex* *but were afraid to ask from a buddy's parents, and that was literally the start of my sex ed. I was 13. But because the taboo surrounding sex was still in my head, it wasn't until I was in my twenties, managing an adult video store and being exposed to different sexual conceptions, that I could go beyond your standard-issue coitus and oral sex, and start exploring things like role-play, toys, foodsex, smacking her around a little, public pleasure ... uh ... I'd probably ought to stop about now, but you get the picture.

I didn't then and still don't care much for porn in and of itself, because it depersonalizes something I hold dear -- but I do appreciate that it taught me that my own sexuality was not the only way to look at sexuality. And it certainly gave me ideas that have enriched the sexual expression of the loves I've had.

(September 20, 2016 at 2:49 am)Whateverist Wrote: That said I think it is a shame if young people don't develop the capacity to find stimulation through the exercise of their own imagination.  I have no problem with masturbation, in fact I suspect it is important.  My only concern is that porn may render them passive and less involved.  Ultimately, I see nothing wrong with porn for adults; my only concern is for the developmental aspect.

Now I'll see if I can follow where this has led.  Once again you bring up a fascinating and complex question.

So, lemme tell you something about creativity as a kid. When I first started writing, when the world was young and strange, nameless things roamed the earth, my first output was... let's say derivative and leave it at that. That's the way it goes, I gather, for a lot of kids first starting out in artistic media: they begin by replicating what they've seen before, then embellishing on that, and then creating their own works with varying degrees of originality. When I started writing erotica, the same was true: I only discovered the stuff I was really good at portraying when I widened my porn consumption to those specific genres.

To those inclined to be creative, absorbing media does not engender passivity, what it does is give you new tools and verbiage. It widens your creative aperture and equips you with new things to toy with. A lot of great art, writing, movies and so on exist because the creators saw and built upon the specific media context they were raised in, or even because of specific individual works. Star Wars exists because of the old adventure serials Lucas grew up with, for example. Creativity can be a response to what came before, not merely something that exists in the absence of it.

I can't imagine why porn would be the one exception to that.

I think it is awesome to be an ape with so many options for sexual gratification. We are one horny, lucky bunch of primates.

(September 20, 2016 at 4:36 am)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:

(September 20, 2016 at 2:49 am)Whateverist Wrote: Just discovered this thread.  I started reading the first few but then thought I should just consider the question afresh first.  

So my response is that yes, I do have concern about the ready availability of porn for younger people (especially boys since I think we are wired more strongly for visual stimulation).  But I think my concern is akin to my concern that video games or social media are warping in a way.  Kids today engage in different activities than I did but there are trade offs with benefits and costs which probably cut both ways.

That said I think it is a shame if young people don't develop the capacity to find stimulation through the exercise of their own imagination.  I have no problem with masturbation, in fact I suspect it is important.  My only concern is that porn may render them passive and less involved.  Ultimately, I see nothing wrong with porn for adults; my only concern is for the developmental aspect.

Now I'll see if I can follow where this has led.  Once again you bring up a fascinating and complex question.

I was an unimaginative youth. I also had parents who refused to talk about sexual issues with me at all, and indeed tabooed it, so I was on my own. I stole a copy of Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex* *but were afraid to ask from a buddy's parents, and that was literally the start of my sex ed. I was 13. But because the taboo surrounding sex was still in my head, it wasn't until I was in my twenties, managing an adult video store and being exposed to different sexual conceptions, that I could go beyond your standard-issue coitus and oral sex, and start exploring things like role-play, toys, foodsex, smacking her around a little, public pleasure ... uh ... I'd probably ought to stop about now, but you get the picture.

I didn't then and still don't care much for porn in and of itself, because it depersonalizes something I hold dear -- but I do appreciate that it taught me that my own sexuality was not the only way to look at sexuality. And it certainly gave me ideas that have enriched the  sexual expression of the loves I've had.

I think it's very harmful for parents to not talk to their kids about sex. I was lucky that my mom was always very open with me and taught me from a young age that sex had 2 main purposes - making babies and/or bonding with your spouse. I was a curious little kid/young teenager and asked her a lot of questions about sexuality which I look back on now and think must have been pretty uncomfortable for her to answer. But she never failed me. 

Apart from that, the school I went to from Kindergarten  to 8th grade did a very good job of teaching us about sex. It started in 3rd grade and happened every year since then - they separated the girls and the boys so that we would feel more comfortable asking questions, and we'd spend the entire health and religion period combined learning about and discussing sexuality. I think every school should do this.

Yeah, I made it a point to have an ongoing conversation with my son about it, starting with the first "where do babies come from?" question.

(September 20, 2016 at 10:26 am)Catholic_Lady Wrote: I think it's very harmful for parents to not talk to their kids about sex. I was lucky that my mom was always very open with me and taught me from a young age that sex had 2 main purposes - making babies and/or bonding with your spouse.

Umm .. I think you may have been short changed one other purpose.

(September 20, 2016 at 5:57 pm)Whateverist Wrote:

(September 20, 2016 at 10:26 am)Catholic_Lady Wrote: I think it's very harmful for parents to not talk to their kids about sex. I was lucky that my mom was always very open with me and taught me from a young age that sex had 2 main purposes - making babies and/or bonding with your spouse.

Umm .. I think you may have been short changed one other purpose.

What's that? 

Oh, you mean porn?