Mick and Paddy walk into a job centre seeking work.

There's nothing much available and then Mick spots a job opening:

"Tree fellers wanted urgently. Top Salaries Paid!"

Mick jabs Paddy in the ribs and says, "That would be perfect. Shame there's only two of us!"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Meanwhile two Maori fellas, Rangi and Hemi, are also in the job centre, but accidentally wander into the post office that shares the same space. There, they see a wanted poster,

"Wanted: two Caucasian men for multiple armed robberies and drug manufacture."

Rangi shows the poster to Hemi and says, "Fucking whiteys! They get all the good jobs!"

I pledge allegiance....
What the red, white and blue stand for.

Red is for the neck
White is for the pick up truck
Blue is for the jeans

What do you call 32 rednecks gathered together in the same room?

A full set of teeth.

What is the definition of a Scottish virgin?



Boru

When people ask me where I went to college I respond, "Mental State".

Next time you are at the grocery store and they cashier asks you if you want paper or plastic say, "Titanium".

Next time you pay for something and the cashier asks you if you want to pay with cash, credit or check, say "Goat, well there was a time before money."

I love how inventive humans can be, we put humans on the moon, but why the fuck cant we put a "Free" button on a cash register?

(April 14, 2017 at 8:16 am)Brian37 Wrote: When people ask me where I went to college I respond, "Mental State".

Next time you are at the grocery store and they cashier asks you if you want paper or plastic say, "Titanium".

Next time you pay for something and the cashier asks you if you want to pay with cash, credit or check, say "Goat, well there was a time before money."

I intend to pay with sexual favours. should shut them up.

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.
He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital by two nurses.

"Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest.
"No" says one of the nurses. "We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward."

(April 14, 2017 at 8:16 am)Brian37 Wrote: Next time you pay for something and the cashier asks you if you want to pay with cash, credit or check, say "Goat, well there was a time before money."

Whenever I'm asked if I want to pay by cash, credit or cheque, I say "yes".

(April 14, 2017 at 6:50 am)chimp3 Wrote: What do you call 32 rednecks gathered together in the same room?

A full set of teeth.

I was raised on a street full of bullies and bigots not in a red county but a suburb of DC a very pluralistic international hub of a city. I don't have a full set of teeth now and I am living in a very Red state in a very red county in a trailer. 

Conversely my friend John from Oklahoma is a "redneck" and extremely socially and economically liberal and an atheist too. He has no teeth and he lived in a trailer and now lives in an apartment. 

I don't mind jokes as long as they are not done in hate. I tease John about his accent, he does say "taters" and "might could" and "fixen to do" and he loves country music, not corporate country, but more old style and bluegrass, and he is a godless liberal like me. 

Yes, even the word "redneck" can be both a term of endearment and used as a bigoted slur. Not saying don't joke about it at all, but do know there are even liberals and atheists even in red states. Hate the bigots sure, but don't assume everyone in a red state with an accent is a bigot. I can tell you from personal friendship for the past 16 years that simply is not the case.

---

(April 14, 2017 at 11:28 am)Cyberman Wrote:

(April 14, 2017 at 8:16 am)Brian37 Wrote: Next time you pay for something and the cashier asks you if you want to pay with cash, credit or check, say "Goat, well there was a time before money."

Whenever I'm asked if I want to pay by cash, credit or cheque, I say "yes".

I do that too, and they cannot really argue, those are the ways one can pay. He he. I love the "Huh" look on their face.

(April 14, 2017 at 8:19 am)downbeatplumb Wrote:

(April 14, 2017 at 8:16 am)Brian37 Wrote: When people ask me where I went to college I respond, "Mental State".

Next time you are at the grocery store and they cashier asks you if you want paper or plastic say, "Titanium".

Next time you pay for something and the cashier asks you if you want to pay with cash, credit or check, say "Goat, well there was a time before money."

I intend to pay with sexual favours. should shut them up.

And if you're purchasing something on line, you can use textual favors.